Relapse.
Miss Begay Blog #2.
My Second Journey.
Read About It Here.
http://MissBegay2.blogspot.com
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Friday, December 30, 2011
Day 276: life goes on....
**quick health update: maintenance chemo is going good. Hardest part is my stomach gets upset often taking so many pills. Hopefully, I'll get this straightened out during my next doc appointment. According to my most recent CBC and CMP labs....All my counts are NORMAL!!!!!! actually I lied.....my white count is HIGHER than normal. :) sooo that makes me super woman right?? Also, I'm back to running a least a 5k day...I may run theOKC half marathon in April. 13 months from my diagnosis. I'm not awesome or anything. Lol.** end health update**
Right now, i am on a flight to the US Virgin Islands....my post cancer celebration with my sister. This will be exactly like the dream that in had back in April when I was diagnosed.....I dreamt of being somewhere tropical in December....and I can't believe it's happening now. Cancer is behind me.
I can't believe it's almost been a year since my life was thrown into a snow globe and shaken up until it almost broke. Yes, that's a weird analogy but that's truly how it felt. Words can't describe the emotions I went through during this past year.
I've grown so much as person and I feel like I'm one of the few people who understands what life might be about. And now that I've had this experience, all I can do is help people find their way. No I'm not a miracle worker or like a thousand times smarter than I was, but I feel like all of this was just a big life lesson. At least that's what I took away from it. and now, it's my turn to maybe teach someone, something. And if I don't, then I'm okay with that because I have gained new friends, stronger friends, new relationships, got rid of ones I don't need, and at the end of the day, I learned.
That probably made no sense and I know I didn't say what I learned but just know, I did.
Anyways, all of this "success" really should be credited to my amazing support group. My friends who offered whatever they could to help me out including rides, food while I was in the hospital, a few words of encouragement when I really needed it (and even when I didn't), and simple texts, calls, emails, and visits while I was locked away being poisoned. It was simple gestures that meant a lot and it really helped me get through the hard days. And everyone who knows me well, knows I'm not an affectionate person at all nor do I say thank you as much as I should....but don't worry, it's coming. It just has to be perfect.
So during these past 274 days, I've literally went through hell. Luckily, I looove hot weather so from day 1: I was ready. I've been doing a lot of re-reading of my blogs and i have impressed myself. Now that I realized what I just went through and how serious it was, it makes me cry when I read about myself....yeah, you can call it being vain but at the same time, I didn't know anything else. I thought it was all a joke and in the movies they totally Hollywood-ized it by making cancer seem like it was the end of the road. But with my new found knowledge and with the help of those who I met along the way on the same path as me, I realized I was a freak. I mean,who really goes running and works out during chemo treatments?? Especially when the day before I could barely make it through
Wal-mart in the automatic cart thingy? My explanation: it wasn't my time and God knew that I could handle it. He wanted me to pass on my experiences....through this blog, by word of mouth, by example....by anything and everything I experienced.
I can remember every little detail about every experience I had. I remember sending Emily to get art supplies while I was in mercy hospital because it wad heathers birthday and I got the most joy out of making a card for her. I remember the morning of my first bone marrow biopsy. It was a Friday morning and emily woke up early with me and I was wheeled down. I was soo ready to count backwards from 10 and determined to make it to zero as soon as they injected me with stuff to knock me out...I didn't. Lol. And the next thing I knew it was about an hour and a half later and I woke up to the nurse rubbing my hand trying to wake me up asking if i was okay. I'll never forget the panic looked on her face.. I knew something was wrong. she told me I woke up and they had complications with getting any bone marrow out. I had to be stuck 4 times. Of course, I didn't know what ANY of that meant but I said....okay, well at least you finally got it.
And of course, I remember my emotional breakdowns I randomly had about my hair. That's when I knew it was real. I tried to hold onto it as much as possible but I ended up shedding just as much as my cat, Einstein. So, Lisa, shaved my head for me and I'm so glad she was the one to do it. I tried my hardest not to cry but ultimately I did shed a few tears but I tried to be discrete about it...but I think everyone knew how hard it was for me. Then I remember the first time I wore a wig. I was constantly freaking out because I felt like everyone just KNEW that it wasn't my hair. But I was just very very paranoid....another common side effect of losing your hair. But eventually, I started buying hair that reminded me of my hair, and that was a much easier transition. Now, I'm a pro at wigs and I'm not gonna lie, I'm gonna miss having perfect hair all the time. And not having to shave my legs, that was always nice.
Next I remember my awful fungal infection. I was so sick but I never wanted to admit it. I didn't want help and when i got so sick that I had to depend on others 100%.....I knew that I hit rock bottom. My greatest fear was that I would never be able to use my legs again. And that I had waited too long to tell anyone my symptoms, so it was my fault. But after a few days of torture, my physical therapy god came and I was determined to do my best...because what every competitive person knows, you get what you put into it. I was serious about PT. Then a few days out of the hospital, feeling like a baby giraffe, I started walking on my own and eventually got back into jogging at granny pace. That was probably one of my proudest moments.
Then of course,my dang hot wings kick. Idk what the deal was but I want to thank all my friends who shared wings with me at any int during the past 7 months...I know I was a bit ridiculous about it but MAN, those cravings were no joke. I have such awesome friends, all I had to do was tell someone I wanted wings (or broadcast it on Facebook) and BAM, people were at buffalo wild wings waiting for ME! :)
Well anyways, at this point, I'm just rambling....I'm sure a lot of people heard all of these stories a million times. I could go on for days about all this but that's why I documented on this blog.
Unfortunately, it has to end. This will be the last post to the Kim Begay blog. There just isn't enough stuff happening to be concerned about anymore (a good thing right??)
So to all my faithful readers who have been with me since day 1: thank you. There were days that I didn't feel like updating this thing because it was so sad but knowing that I had people all over the WORLD reading this every single morning (or night) made me keep going. I know there are people who read this that see me often but there are also those who I've never met on here or even know that actually read this thing. I hope everyone takes something from this blog or passes it on to someone who it may help. If that happens, it has served it's purpose and ill be the happiest person in the world. I hope that those who have been following me (all along or just started) leave a "comment." I'd love to know just how many creepy people are put there.....hahaha just kidding. But seriously, please do.
To my friends: I love you all and I seriously owe you my life. That's a strong statement but it's honestly the truth. I would've never made it this far without your support. Thank you for not judging me and reassuring me that people will love me for me. And if they don't, they're not worth my time. Life is too short. Way too short.
For those battling cancer: God won't put you through anything you can't handle. Through Him you can conquer anything. I'm not gonna lie and say it's going to be easy and you won't have bad days....because you will. It's how you handle it and your attitude that will make a world of a difference. And when you are having a good day, enjoy it...it's the memories of the good days that will help you get through the bad ones.
I love you all.
I'm about to enjoy my well deserved tropical trip.
Xoxo
Kim Begay
Cancer SURVIVOR
"Be kind to everyone because you never know." -Milford Clayton
Right now, i am on a flight to the US Virgin Islands....my post cancer celebration with my sister. This will be exactly like the dream that in had back in April when I was diagnosed.....I dreamt of being somewhere tropical in December....and I can't believe it's happening now. Cancer is behind me.
I can't believe it's almost been a year since my life was thrown into a snow globe and shaken up until it almost broke. Yes, that's a weird analogy but that's truly how it felt. Words can't describe the emotions I went through during this past year.
I've grown so much as person and I feel like I'm one of the few people who understands what life might be about. And now that I've had this experience, all I can do is help people find their way. No I'm not a miracle worker or like a thousand times smarter than I was, but I feel like all of this was just a big life lesson. At least that's what I took away from it. and now, it's my turn to maybe teach someone, something. And if I don't, then I'm okay with that because I have gained new friends, stronger friends, new relationships, got rid of ones I don't need, and at the end of the day, I learned.
That probably made no sense and I know I didn't say what I learned but just know, I did.
Anyways, all of this "success" really should be credited to my amazing support group. My friends who offered whatever they could to help me out including rides, food while I was in the hospital, a few words of encouragement when I really needed it (and even when I didn't), and simple texts, calls, emails, and visits while I was locked away being poisoned. It was simple gestures that meant a lot and it really helped me get through the hard days. And everyone who knows me well, knows I'm not an affectionate person at all nor do I say thank you as much as I should....but don't worry, it's coming. It just has to be perfect.
So during these past 274 days, I've literally went through hell. Luckily, I looove hot weather so from day 1: I was ready. I've been doing a lot of re-reading of my blogs and i have impressed myself. Now that I realized what I just went through and how serious it was, it makes me cry when I read about myself....yeah, you can call it being vain but at the same time, I didn't know anything else. I thought it was all a joke and in the movies they totally Hollywood-ized it by making cancer seem like it was the end of the road. But with my new found knowledge and with the help of those who I met along the way on the same path as me, I realized I was a freak. I mean,who really goes running and works out during chemo treatments?? Especially when the day before I could barely make it through
Wal-mart in the automatic cart thingy? My explanation: it wasn't my time and God knew that I could handle it. He wanted me to pass on my experiences....through this blog, by word of mouth, by example....by anything and everything I experienced.
I can remember every little detail about every experience I had. I remember sending Emily to get art supplies while I was in mercy hospital because it wad heathers birthday and I got the most joy out of making a card for her. I remember the morning of my first bone marrow biopsy. It was a Friday morning and emily woke up early with me and I was wheeled down. I was soo ready to count backwards from 10 and determined to make it to zero as soon as they injected me with stuff to knock me out...I didn't. Lol. And the next thing I knew it was about an hour and a half later and I woke up to the nurse rubbing my hand trying to wake me up asking if i was okay. I'll never forget the panic looked on her face.. I knew something was wrong. she told me I woke up and they had complications with getting any bone marrow out. I had to be stuck 4 times. Of course, I didn't know what ANY of that meant but I said....okay, well at least you finally got it.
And of course, I remember my emotional breakdowns I randomly had about my hair. That's when I knew it was real. I tried to hold onto it as much as possible but I ended up shedding just as much as my cat, Einstein. So, Lisa, shaved my head for me and I'm so glad she was the one to do it. I tried my hardest not to cry but ultimately I did shed a few tears but I tried to be discrete about it...but I think everyone knew how hard it was for me. Then I remember the first time I wore a wig. I was constantly freaking out because I felt like everyone just KNEW that it wasn't my hair. But I was just very very paranoid....another common side effect of losing your hair. But eventually, I started buying hair that reminded me of my hair, and that was a much easier transition. Now, I'm a pro at wigs and I'm not gonna lie, I'm gonna miss having perfect hair all the time. And not having to shave my legs, that was always nice.
Next I remember my awful fungal infection. I was so sick but I never wanted to admit it. I didn't want help and when i got so sick that I had to depend on others 100%.....I knew that I hit rock bottom. My greatest fear was that I would never be able to use my legs again. And that I had waited too long to tell anyone my symptoms, so it was my fault. But after a few days of torture, my physical therapy god came and I was determined to do my best...because what every competitive person knows, you get what you put into it. I was serious about PT. Then a few days out of the hospital, feeling like a baby giraffe, I started walking on my own and eventually got back into jogging at granny pace. That was probably one of my proudest moments.
Then of course,my dang hot wings kick. Idk what the deal was but I want to thank all my friends who shared wings with me at any int during the past 7 months...I know I was a bit ridiculous about it but MAN, those cravings were no joke. I have such awesome friends, all I had to do was tell someone I wanted wings (or broadcast it on Facebook) and BAM, people were at buffalo wild wings waiting for ME! :)
Well anyways, at this point, I'm just rambling....I'm sure a lot of people heard all of these stories a million times. I could go on for days about all this but that's why I documented on this blog.
Unfortunately, it has to end. This will be the last post to the Kim Begay blog. There just isn't enough stuff happening to be concerned about anymore (a good thing right??)
So to all my faithful readers who have been with me since day 1: thank you. There were days that I didn't feel like updating this thing because it was so sad but knowing that I had people all over the WORLD reading this every single morning (or night) made me keep going. I know there are people who read this that see me often but there are also those who I've never met on here or even know that actually read this thing. I hope everyone takes something from this blog or passes it on to someone who it may help. If that happens, it has served it's purpose and ill be the happiest person in the world. I hope that those who have been following me (all along or just started) leave a "comment." I'd love to know just how many creepy people are put there.....hahaha just kidding. But seriously, please do.
To my friends: I love you all and I seriously owe you my life. That's a strong statement but it's honestly the truth. I would've never made it this far without your support. Thank you for not judging me and reassuring me that people will love me for me. And if they don't, they're not worth my time. Life is too short. Way too short.
For those battling cancer: God won't put you through anything you can't handle. Through Him you can conquer anything. I'm not gonna lie and say it's going to be easy and you won't have bad days....because you will. It's how you handle it and your attitude that will make a world of a difference. And when you are having a good day, enjoy it...it's the memories of the good days that will help you get through the bad ones.
I love you all.
I'm about to enjoy my well deserved tropical trip.
Xoxo
Kim Begay
Cancer SURVIVOR
"Be kind to everyone because you never know." -Milford Clayton
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Day 257: Daaaannnngggg....
It's been FOREVER since I've updated my blog! I'm sorry to all my loyal readers....life has just been busy. I had a mini scare for a second and I thought my blog was LOST, how you ask? Well I tried to sign in but it wasn't taking my username and password. I freaked out for a second and my heart rate went up. But turns out, they were trying to get me to use my gmail account to log on and it was just weird.
ANYWAYS, I took a little time to go back to a few of my blog posts and MAN what a journey it has been. A couple of those posts I read today I don't even remember writing!! GEEZ. But nonetheless, it's always good to go back and reflect. After each blog, it left me wanting to read more, so I can see how some of you have become "addicted." lol. And I'm hilarious. I think so anyways.
So I had a doctors appointment on the 28th of November and its purpose was to discuss my maintenance chemo. I had some questions about work, the transplant, and even general exam questions, like what to do if I get sick, do I ALWAYS have to go into the hospital...for like, the rest of my life? You know, the normal stuff.
So what I'll be doing is a 28 day cycle of this chemo stuff. On day one (which starts on the 19th) I'll get a small dose of vinkristine via IV. If the cancer center has their stuff together that day, the whole process should take about an hour (including check-in/wait time). If you remember, the vinkristine is responsible for the finger tingling I got during my last dose of chemo.The feeling is gone now but still, it's annoying....I hope it doesn't happen EVERY time. THEN days 1-5 after the vinkristine, I'll be on a steriod (i assume) called prednisone. it'll only be 50 mg so it's not a big deal. THEN on days 1, 8, 15, and 22, I'll take a 7.5mg tablet of Methotrexate. And then there is a script I can't read so I'll be taking something else as well....awesome right??
well it's wayy better than being in the hospital...i'll take this ANYDAY.
So an update on my hair....it's GROWING. my eyelashes are visible now and i'm almost to the point of wearing mascara again!! AHHHHH.........how i missed that. My head hair is slowly but surely growing...it looks like a glow is around my head because the hair is so thin and soft. I'm no where near looking not bald but.....at this point, I'm used to the wigs and the baseball caps. It doesn't phase me at all. I started working again (YAY!!) and even at school i've been to school with nothing but a baseball cap and a smile before. The kids understand and I think it's cool that they're experiencing this. i mean how many kids can say, OH I remember my 8th grade teacher just finished cancer treatments...blah blah blah. Its something I know they'll always remember. It's funny too because one kid said....Umm Miss Begay?? What was the deal with your hair yesterday? (talking about the day i only wore a baseball cap to class). I reminded him that I talked about having cancer and how chemo makes you lose your hair. Then i said....did you not wonder why my hair looked different everyday?? And he said, well no, I don't pay attention to hair. haha. it was great.
THEN we have the difficult kids of the world...after my day starting off HORRIBLE.....and i mean HORRIBLE....I made it to school and was prepared to stomp on a kid if he/she even looked at me the wrong way. And me and this student got into an argument over how much classroom money he could spend in the "auction" we have in my class every quarter. He claimed I was cheating and all that. I have had problems with this kid since DAY 1 when I arrived back at school. He mumbles under his breath EVERY TIME something is said....and it's annoying. As a teacher, you KNOW he is saying awful things, talking back, cursing you or someone else out, or just being down right disrespectful....so anyways, I've sort of "accepted" that he does that. The best piece of advice I got from someone about teaching was to pick your battles. And honestly, me fighting with him and saying "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY..." EVERYDAY and all day...wasn't really worth it. So instead, I just give him a hard time, mumble a little under my breath (nothing rude) and move on. He hated that when I gave him a taste of his own medicine....So anyways, we got into a little argument, I sent him back to his seat and he began to mumble...and just when I thought we could continue with the auction, he said it....out loud so all his friends could hear him and so he could be the center of attention....
"I'm gonna knock that wig off her head..."
and of course the tables that he was around, all laughed. I froze. I couldn't believe what he had just said. So i called him back to the front of the room....moved to my desk and pulled out a referral form. I was going to handle the situation by letting him know what I was going to do but nope, he just had to keep talking about how unfair i was being and that he didn't say that. So next thing to do....take it outside. I told him to go outside, I marched behind him and as soon as we got out there, i let him have it. I made him feel guilty, made him mad, and even got to the root of why he doesn't like me. All in all, I wasn't so much hurt about the rude comment he made....it was more of a breaking point because i constantly get disrespected by him and i had it. After about 10 minutes of talking at him and keeping him from talking by threatening to write down every word he says, I hopefully got through to him and helped him realize i'm not a bad person. ANYWAYS, he got a 5 day suspension and that was that. crazy right? Hopefully he learned and I know that after I let teachers know what he said, they were livid.
Alright well i'm teaching intersession for three days M,T and W and i have no idea what I'm doing....awesome right?? Time to get on this thing. Love you all and sorry again for the lack of updating....just know everything is going AWESOME. :)
xoxo
kim
ANYWAYS, I took a little time to go back to a few of my blog posts and MAN what a journey it has been. A couple of those posts I read today I don't even remember writing!! GEEZ. But nonetheless, it's always good to go back and reflect. After each blog, it left me wanting to read more, so I can see how some of you have become "addicted." lol. And I'm hilarious. I think so anyways.
So I had a doctors appointment on the 28th of November and its purpose was to discuss my maintenance chemo. I had some questions about work, the transplant, and even general exam questions, like what to do if I get sick, do I ALWAYS have to go into the hospital...for like, the rest of my life? You know, the normal stuff.
So what I'll be doing is a 28 day cycle of this chemo stuff. On day one (which starts on the 19th) I'll get a small dose of vinkristine via IV. If the cancer center has their stuff together that day, the whole process should take about an hour (including check-in/wait time). If you remember, the vinkristine is responsible for the finger tingling I got during my last dose of chemo.The feeling is gone now but still, it's annoying....I hope it doesn't happen EVERY time. THEN days 1-5 after the vinkristine, I'll be on a steriod (i assume) called prednisone. it'll only be 50 mg so it's not a big deal. THEN on days 1, 8, 15, and 22, I'll take a 7.5mg tablet of Methotrexate. And then there is a script I can't read so I'll be taking something else as well....awesome right??
well it's wayy better than being in the hospital...i'll take this ANYDAY.
So an update on my hair....it's GROWING. my eyelashes are visible now and i'm almost to the point of wearing mascara again!! AHHHHH.........how i missed that. My head hair is slowly but surely growing...it looks like a glow is around my head because the hair is so thin and soft. I'm no where near looking not bald but.....at this point, I'm used to the wigs and the baseball caps. It doesn't phase me at all. I started working again (YAY!!) and even at school i've been to school with nothing but a baseball cap and a smile before. The kids understand and I think it's cool that they're experiencing this. i mean how many kids can say, OH I remember my 8th grade teacher just finished cancer treatments...blah blah blah. Its something I know they'll always remember. It's funny too because one kid said....Umm Miss Begay?? What was the deal with your hair yesterday? (talking about the day i only wore a baseball cap to class). I reminded him that I talked about having cancer and how chemo makes you lose your hair. Then i said....did you not wonder why my hair looked different everyday?? And he said, well no, I don't pay attention to hair. haha. it was great.
THEN we have the difficult kids of the world...after my day starting off HORRIBLE.....and i mean HORRIBLE....I made it to school and was prepared to stomp on a kid if he/she even looked at me the wrong way. And me and this student got into an argument over how much classroom money he could spend in the "auction" we have in my class every quarter. He claimed I was cheating and all that. I have had problems with this kid since DAY 1 when I arrived back at school. He mumbles under his breath EVERY TIME something is said....and it's annoying. As a teacher, you KNOW he is saying awful things, talking back, cursing you or someone else out, or just being down right disrespectful....so anyways, I've sort of "accepted" that he does that. The best piece of advice I got from someone about teaching was to pick your battles. And honestly, me fighting with him and saying "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY..." EVERYDAY and all day...wasn't really worth it. So instead, I just give him a hard time, mumble a little under my breath (nothing rude) and move on. He hated that when I gave him a taste of his own medicine....So anyways, we got into a little argument, I sent him back to his seat and he began to mumble...and just when I thought we could continue with the auction, he said it....out loud so all his friends could hear him and so he could be the center of attention....
"I'm gonna knock that wig off her head..."
and of course the tables that he was around, all laughed. I froze. I couldn't believe what he had just said. So i called him back to the front of the room....moved to my desk and pulled out a referral form. I was going to handle the situation by letting him know what I was going to do but nope, he just had to keep talking about how unfair i was being and that he didn't say that. So next thing to do....take it outside. I told him to go outside, I marched behind him and as soon as we got out there, i let him have it. I made him feel guilty, made him mad, and even got to the root of why he doesn't like me. All in all, I wasn't so much hurt about the rude comment he made....it was more of a breaking point because i constantly get disrespected by him and i had it. After about 10 minutes of talking at him and keeping him from talking by threatening to write down every word he says, I hopefully got through to him and helped him realize i'm not a bad person. ANYWAYS, he got a 5 day suspension and that was that. crazy right? Hopefully he learned and I know that after I let teachers know what he said, they were livid.
Alright well i'm teaching intersession for three days M,T and W and i have no idea what I'm doing....awesome right?? Time to get on this thing. Love you all and sorry again for the lack of updating....just know everything is going AWESOME. :)
xoxo
kim
Friday, November 18, 2011
Day 234: TGIF and TGFI
Yay for Friday!I don't care who you are and what you do and if you have to go back to work in the morning....Friday feels good. And what's TGFI you ask?? Thank God for Insurance!! Wrds can't being to describe how lucky I am because I have insurance....yes, I complained aout having to pay it every month...but what 22 year old fresh out of college in their first "big person" job wouldn't? well my friends, I'm so glad I didn't skimp on the insurance because it's saving my butt right now.
Okay here's why...well yesterday I was suppose to get a blood transfusion, according to my doctors PA (who called me Wednesday afternoon) but then OU Prebyterian called me and said they didn't have room for me on Thursday so they can do it Friday. I agreed and said see you at 8. They told me it would be a quick process since I just got platelets on Tuesday so I wouldn't have to get typed and screened. Well, now that I'm here....they lied. I showed up with the same blood band that I wore on Tuesday and they still had to draw my blood and now I'm waiting for it to be tested so I can get some blood in me. The whole thing is an hour long process. ANYWAYS....before I got here I figured that I have to check in at the patient admission desk and alla that....but once I got in there, the guy said...oh you have insurance, once you check in for the month, you don't even have to mes with us. You can go strait up to the infusion room.....WHAT?! why did no one tell me this? I know this doesn't seem like a big deal but it really is. Oh and another reason I'm thankful for insurance....on Monday when I was hanging out at the cancer center waiting to be called back to get the regular a regular CBC (complete blood count, for the newbies) this guy was standing at the desk talking to the front desk lady and she said....okay today you owe $280 for the Neulasta shot. Will you be paying all of it today? WHAT?!?!?! dang, I thought those things were free!! I've never been charged for them or even had anyone start a sentence with the words, "today you owe..."
**Neulasta is a shot you get in the stomach or arm right after you finish your round of chemo. It's purpose is to help your body produce mature white blood cells faster. The shot works over 7 days so you don't have to get a shot everyday. I've had about 5 shots during treatment.
So if you think about this....just for a shot in the stomach....I would've owed $1400. I can only imagine all this CBC draws...cpm draws...and chemo. Im Thankful for young Kim and her thought processes to get a good insurance.
Alrit well, I was suppose to have a doctors appointment today to figure out some things BUT I'm stuck in this dang hospital. I called and they said if I get out before two, come straight over. So doc appt will be played by ear. I haven't got any newe CBC results so idk about my counts. I've been in the gym everyday for 6 days and its getting a little easier everday. I'm starting to fast walk more as opposed to running because I'm still sooo out of shape. I try to add a minute everyday to my jog (I'm up to 8 minutes of running) and it seems to be helping. I enjoy lifting weights again and on Wednesday night I realized I can spend 2 hours in the gym and not be bored...just like old times. So hopefully after this blood, I'll have more energy to do more things.
Alright well, I'm about to get off this thing and take a nap. I don't sleep well these days and I'm sooo tired. I bought ne flannel sheets yesterday and was actually excited to get in bed and enjoy the freshness of them and thought I'd go right to sleep.....wrong. Instead, I watched reruns of jersey shore and the real world. Lol. And now, I'm paying for it.
Well, I hope everyone has a fabulous Friday. As soon as I get more updates on why the heck my counts are so low...I'll let you know. :)
Much love,
Kim
P.s. My arms hurt so bad from all the sticking. So I'm thankful for PICC lines....even though I dont have one right now...I miss mine.
Okay here's why...well yesterday I was suppose to get a blood transfusion, according to my doctors PA (who called me Wednesday afternoon) but then OU Prebyterian called me and said they didn't have room for me on Thursday so they can do it Friday. I agreed and said see you at 8. They told me it would be a quick process since I just got platelets on Tuesday so I wouldn't have to get typed and screened. Well, now that I'm here....they lied. I showed up with the same blood band that I wore on Tuesday and they still had to draw my blood and now I'm waiting for it to be tested so I can get some blood in me. The whole thing is an hour long process. ANYWAYS....before I got here I figured that I have to check in at the patient admission desk and alla that....but once I got in there, the guy said...oh you have insurance, once you check in for the month, you don't even have to mes with us. You can go strait up to the infusion room.....WHAT?! why did no one tell me this? I know this doesn't seem like a big deal but it really is. Oh and another reason I'm thankful for insurance....on Monday when I was hanging out at the cancer center waiting to be called back to get the regular a regular CBC (complete blood count, for the newbies) this guy was standing at the desk talking to the front desk lady and she said....okay today you owe $280 for the Neulasta shot. Will you be paying all of it today? WHAT?!?!?! dang, I thought those things were free!! I've never been charged for them or even had anyone start a sentence with the words, "today you owe..."
**Neulasta is a shot you get in the stomach or arm right after you finish your round of chemo. It's purpose is to help your body produce mature white blood cells faster. The shot works over 7 days so you don't have to get a shot everyday. I've had about 5 shots during treatment.
So if you think about this....just for a shot in the stomach....I would've owed $1400. I can only imagine all this CBC draws...cpm draws...and chemo. Im Thankful for young Kim and her thought processes to get a good insurance.
Alrit well, I was suppose to have a doctors appointment today to figure out some things BUT I'm stuck in this dang hospital. I called and they said if I get out before two, come straight over. So doc appt will be played by ear. I haven't got any newe CBC results so idk about my counts. I've been in the gym everyday for 6 days and its getting a little easier everday. I'm starting to fast walk more as opposed to running because I'm still sooo out of shape. I try to add a minute everyday to my jog (I'm up to 8 minutes of running) and it seems to be helping. I enjoy lifting weights again and on Wednesday night I realized I can spend 2 hours in the gym and not be bored...just like old times. So hopefully after this blood, I'll have more energy to do more things.
Alright well, I'm about to get off this thing and take a nap. I don't sleep well these days and I'm sooo tired. I bought ne flannel sheets yesterday and was actually excited to get in bed and enjoy the freshness of them and thought I'd go right to sleep.....wrong. Instead, I watched reruns of jersey shore and the real world. Lol. And now, I'm paying for it.
Well, I hope everyone has a fabulous Friday. As soon as I get more updates on why the heck my counts are so low...I'll let you know. :)
Much love,
Kim
P.s. My arms hurt so bad from all the sticking. So I'm thankful for PICC lines....even though I dont have one right now...I miss mine.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Day 232: My Halloween Decorations Are Still Up
Yes, that's right. My apartment still looks like Halloween threw up. During my "recovery" time this round, I've always had no energy to be climbing around taking stuff down...my solution? Don't invite people over. haha.
So update since Monday night...I got a call early Tuesday morning from my doctor's nurse telling me my platelets were LOW (i called it!). She told me to get to the hospital within the hour to get a platelet transfusion. Well I got there around 10, checked in, and waited. I was at the regular hospital (not edmond) and I swear they are slow like molasses. EVERYTHING took 5x longer than it should. and there wasn't even a lot of people in there! lame right? Well anyways, I got started around 1pm and I got two units of platelets and MAN OH MAN does it make a difference! My scar thingys seems to be healing quicker and i can finally brush my teeth without the PAIN I felt before. And my nose isn't bleeding every 2 minutes...yay. So that was Tuesday....
Today I went in around 2:30 to get my normal cbc blood test and they had to stick me with a needle once again. UGHH...the nurse made the comment to me, "well if I didn't know you were getting chemo, I would assume you did a lot of drugs from all these bruises on your arms." WELL THANKS LADY. lol. I kinda laughed it off and came back with....Well, they aren't as bad as Julia Roberts in Steel Magnolias....cricket.:.cricket:......
WHY DON'T PEOPLE GET MY JOKES???!! lol
anyways, after I got my quick test, I requested for a printout of my results from MONDAY's cbc....and yeeeahhh.............
My white count was.....0.1 (ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......it's been like this SINCE i got out of the hospital)
**GOOD NEWS though....nurse called today and said they moved to 0.5 today..on their own)
My Red count was 2.69 (normal: 3.9 - 5.10) ----> getting there.
My Hemoglobin on Monday was a 8.4 (remember I got a blood transfusion on Friday)
**BAD NEWS....they went DOWN to a 7.4 according to today's cbc
My Platelet Count was a 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **reminder..."normal" is 140-440
**another reminder....when I was FIRST diagnosed.....my platelet count was an 8.
My potassium was a little lower than normal...but I got me some potassium pills to fix that problemo.
So with this being said....TOMORROW....i will have ANOTHER blood transfusion. UGGGHHHHHH......
IDK what's going on with my body. My theory is that with all these infections I had while in the hospital and the random "spots" on my legs that are now in the "healing" process...my body had to work OVERTIME to repair them.
I go to the doctor on Friday so these issues I'm SURE will be discussed. For now....I just spend TWO hours in the gym and burned about 900 calories (low hemoglobin and all) so I'm wiped out. I'm about to crank up the heater, break out the heating pad, and put on some comfortable PJ's.....and call it a night. It's been a LONG day and tomorrow is gonna be even longer.
I'll keep you updated on everything.
**EXTRA SIDE NOTE: I FEEL GREAT. no lie. I've been to the gym everyday since Saturday. I started out running but now have opted to fast walking on an incline and it's brutal. I lift weights as well and I can't tell you how much better I feel and how much better I eat. If I can do it, you can do it.
**EXTRA EXTRA side note....I know what my Halloween costume will be next year....SUPERWOMAN! yeah buddy! :)
love you all, good night.
Kim
So update since Monday night...I got a call early Tuesday morning from my doctor's nurse telling me my platelets were LOW (i called it!). She told me to get to the hospital within the hour to get a platelet transfusion. Well I got there around 10, checked in, and waited. I was at the regular hospital (not edmond) and I swear they are slow like molasses. EVERYTHING took 5x longer than it should. and there wasn't even a lot of people in there! lame right? Well anyways, I got started around 1pm and I got two units of platelets and MAN OH MAN does it make a difference! My scar thingys seems to be healing quicker and i can finally brush my teeth without the PAIN I felt before. And my nose isn't bleeding every 2 minutes...yay. So that was Tuesday....
Today I went in around 2:30 to get my normal cbc blood test and they had to stick me with a needle once again. UGHH...the nurse made the comment to me, "well if I didn't know you were getting chemo, I would assume you did a lot of drugs from all these bruises on your arms." WELL THANKS LADY. lol. I kinda laughed it off and came back with....Well, they aren't as bad as Julia Roberts in Steel Magnolias....cricket.:.cricket:......
WHY DON'T PEOPLE GET MY JOKES???!! lol
anyways, after I got my quick test, I requested for a printout of my results from MONDAY's cbc....and yeeeahhh.............
My white count was.....0.1 (ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......it's been like this SINCE i got out of the hospital)
**GOOD NEWS though....nurse called today and said they moved to 0.5 today..on their own)
My Red count was 2.69 (normal: 3.9 - 5.10) ----> getting there.
My Hemoglobin on Monday was a 8.4 (remember I got a blood transfusion on Friday)
**BAD NEWS....they went DOWN to a 7.4 according to today's cbc
My Platelet Count was a 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **reminder..."normal" is 140-440
**another reminder....when I was FIRST diagnosed.....my platelet count was an 8.
My potassium was a little lower than normal...but I got me some potassium pills to fix that problemo.
So with this being said....TOMORROW....i will have ANOTHER blood transfusion. UGGGHHHHHH......
IDK what's going on with my body. My theory is that with all these infections I had while in the hospital and the random "spots" on my legs that are now in the "healing" process...my body had to work OVERTIME to repair them.
I go to the doctor on Friday so these issues I'm SURE will be discussed. For now....I just spend TWO hours in the gym and burned about 900 calories (low hemoglobin and all) so I'm wiped out. I'm about to crank up the heater, break out the heating pad, and put on some comfortable PJ's.....and call it a night. It's been a LONG day and tomorrow is gonna be even longer.
I'll keep you updated on everything.
**EXTRA SIDE NOTE: I FEEL GREAT. no lie. I've been to the gym everyday since Saturday. I started out running but now have opted to fast walking on an incline and it's brutal. I lift weights as well and I can't tell you how much better I feel and how much better I eat. If I can do it, you can do it.
**EXTRA EXTRA side note....I know what my Halloween costume will be next year....SUPERWOMAN! yeah buddy! :)
love you all, good night.
Kim
Monday, November 14, 2011
Day 230: Come ON counts...I need to get back to me.
No big updates here. I've spent most (if not all) of my days in my apartment rotting. You'd think with all this time spent in here, it would be spotless....well, it's quite the opposite. I spend most of my days laying around until about 2ish when i go and get my blood drawn at the Cancer Center.
this is my left inner leg. The spots cover mainly below my knee and bits and pieces on my arms but nothing this extreme.
This is my Right inner calf. it's a lot worse than the other leg and also has bruises as friends to go with it. I wonder if running and putting pressure on my legs is a possible cause for the severity of the outbreak....hmm
this is my left inner knee/lower thigh. As you can see the black spots are part of the random skin outbreak I had in the hospital. The doctors still don't know what caused it. Those spots are mainly around my knee area but also have popped up on my upper arms and even my hands. But the good thing is they are scabbing over and healing. And of course...I have bruises like those you see all over my upper thighs. It's kind of growing together to form one big bruise....I need PLATELETS!!! ahhhhh....
this is what my nails look like now. they're purple and have lines of darkness that shows when I had methatrexate in my system (the killer that stole my hair, eyebrows, eyelashes, and made my skin ugly!). But no worries, as soon as my nails start growing back, they'll go back to normal. :) Doctors are fascinated by this, I guess it's rare to find patients whose nails actually do this b/c every time they see it, they like to bring others in and show them.
My white counts are still low. My theory is that my white counts are working overtime to heal all these dang spots/sores on my legs that they can't go up until it's cleared up. My platelets are still UBER low and I don't need a blood test to tell me that. My nose is constantly bleeding, I have bruises all over my legs, it looks like someone took a bat to me, my gums bleed quite a bit whenever I brush my teeth, no matter how soft my brush is, and the newest thing....I have a "skin rash" called petechiae and they're harmless. According to my research and what the chemo/infusion nurse, its basically bleeding beneath the skin. And since I don't have platelets nor a tear in my skin to let it out, it just looks like a rash. It doesn't itch, it's not raised...and it will go away on its own once my platelets return to somewhat "normal" or at least higher than an 18. awesome right?
On a positive note, I got a blood transfusion on Friday and since then, I've been feeling AWESOME. I just finished "day 3" of working out and it feels soooooo good to be "running" again and to be lifting weights. I requested to go to Edmond for my transfusion because there the whole process is a lot more cushy. if that even makes sense. Instead of being thrown in a big room with others going through chemo or having transfusions, I get my own private room with my own private bathroom. I get to order lunch and have anything I want. And since my insurance covers it, why not? I got two units of blood and MAN OH MAN was it hard to get the IV started. I already have small veins (according to my nurse) but to add to it, I've been stuck so many times this whole almost two weeks that it's hard to find a "spot" that hasn't already been taken. So after being stuck 4...yes 4 times, they got an IV started, gave me my benadryl, and next thing I knew, I woke up and was ready to party! lol.
Alright well it's 12:30am right now and I'm getting tired, I"ll leave you all with some pictures to see what's going on with my skin. It's pretty gross but....it'll go away soon. Pray that it does. good thing it's winter!!
I love you all and have a good day. :)
Kim
this is my left inner leg. The spots cover mainly below my knee and bits and pieces on my arms but nothing this extreme.
Getting my blood transfusion on friday, my nurse got tape happy. and you can see where another nurse tried to start the IV but it didn't work out.
And last but not least....the most recent picture of me. I was on my way to the cancer center to get my blood drawn. Face puffiness has went DOWN and my gums don't hurt anymore...i can't FINALLY SMILE AGAIN!! YAY!! :) god is good.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Day 225: It can only go UP from here...
Three days out of the hospital....and I'm feeling okay. I'm tired (fatigue) from probably a low hemoglobin. How I know this?? Well after almost 8 months of chemo, you really get to know your body. And it passed my hand/palm test. I feel like I look pale too. And as I make my daily Ramen Noodles, my trip from my couch or my bed to my kitchen is hard work. By the time I get to my kitchen, find a pot, fill it with water, open the package of ramen noodles, turn on the stove and wait....I'm TIRED. I usually have a stool I carry with me around the apartment (sad I know) so I can sit anywhere. For instance, when I make a sandwich, it's a lot of work and I just cant seem to stand the entire time while assembling it (unless I have blood) so I usually sit down by the fridge (on my stool) and make it. Sounds sooo weird but you quickly have to make accommodations for yourself if you live by yourself. But it'll all soon be back to normal and I can be normal again. lol.
Right now, I'm having some weird symptoms from the treatment. I don't have my normal metallic taste in my mouth, so food tastes normal....but I do have a god awful soreness to my mouth. Like it's on the verge of mouth sores but nothing like that has formed. It sorta hurts to talk and definitely to eat solid foods. Well I shouldn't say hurts...it's really really uncomfortable. It hurts to brush my teeth and when I rinse my mouth (which happens every TWO hours and after anything I eat). I just keep telling myself, "this is the last time I have to do this."
Also, I've been having random pain in my abdomen that only lasts for about 10 seconds. I can't tell if I'm hungry or what. I don't eat a lot of food as it is so when I take medications this could be a side effect....or IDK if it has anything to do with my liver?? I've been keeping a log of times when it hurts and it seems to getting better. The pain is like...when your really really hungry and your stomach starts to growl and you feel like you can eat your arm....plus the side cramp feeling you get while your exercising (from the greasy unhealthy food you're suppose to stay away from) and it feels like you just need to use the restroom or lay down and curl up in a ball. lol. we've all been there before. Only its in my abdomen area rather than my side.
I've also been waking up SUPER early. I'm trying not to take sleeping pills unless I absolutely have to because I don't want to get addicted to them. So far it's working out. I just wish I had enough blood in me to go for a run while I'm up at weird hours of the morning (weird for me, not for normal working people).
anyways, other than that, life at home has been good. I'm about to get ready, bundle up, and brave the cold to visit a few of my co-workers at school....i missed them so much!! :)
kim
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