Okay I literally struggled for about 5 minutes determining whether or not i should put an apostrophe on up's and down's. I'm sure it's wrong but oh well. Remember, I'm a math teacher, lol. Well, today turned out to be an overall good day. Shortly after my blog this morning, I ate some pineapples chunks and sat in my bed and watched TV. Then I started feeling bad and I thought it was because my pain medications were wearing off. I started to get tired too so I put a movie on the ipad, got comfortable and just as I was about to fall asleep the tech came in to get my vitals and i was apparently running a 100.1 temperature! isn't that insane?! I felt completely fine and I was in a great mood. I didn't feel hot or anything so I was completely surprised...then my second thought was great...the doctor is gonna see that and keep me here longer, noooo!!!
Eventually I went to sleep and slept for about 4 hours! crazy right?! I was once again only awaken because I got a phone call from a friend who wanted to bring me food and just wanted to know what I wanted to eat. I requested....you guessed it SOUP! lol. When I woke up I felt terrible and at that point my face was hot. But I think it was because I was completely buried (face and all) under two blankets (a thick quilt and a hospital blanket). I didn't feel well but I dozed off again for a bit and woke up when my parents got here. I started feeling better after I raised my bed up and talked a little and eventually they left for dinner and two other people came to visit and then I felt fine! My pain meds had kicked in and I ate all my soup and a little of the bread that was given to me. It still hurt a bit to chew my food but not enough to complain about it.
We then went on to talk about going to Hawaii over winter break, it may happen! and then decided that it they're going to make a movie out of me. LOL. Then we proceeded for the next hour and a half googling celebrity look alikes for my entire family and we started with some friends. I still have a lot of people who I need to find celebrities for so this should keep me busy. lol.
Through all of this they just pumped me full of antibiotics, which takes about an hour and a half. And they gave me my usual pepcid, pain meds, and also my sleeping pill. They took my vitals again and this time...my temp was 98.1. So i'm pretty sure the 100.1 was a fluke with the machine? Well see what happens tomorrow. Which is SATURDAY....and it could be TWO DAYS until I get out of here. I'm gonna admit, I'm gonna miss my Penthouse suite but I do dearly miss my bed and my couch and of course, my einstein. :) I'm ready to be social again (especially before I start to lose my hair).
Alright, Well I need to get to sleep, I am kinda tired tonight and my neck hurts from typing....lol idk how.
I love you all, thanks for the thoughts and prayers yet again. I appreciate everything everyone is doing for me. It means so much to me to know that I have such a strong support system behind me. :)
Much Love,
Kim
Friday, April 15, 2011
Day 14: It's Okay The Blue Nails Are Normal
Today I'm having another good day. I'm feeling good. I just ate breakfast (cereal, sausage, and mandarin oranges) and got my antibiotics pumped into me (they're taking it off as I type). My pain pill is wearing off (boo!) but I can't have another one for another 2 hours so I just gotta sit here and complain to myself. lol. I got prescribed a new mouthwash because mouth sores are forming in my mouth (once again, normal) and that's what's making my mouth feel terrible. The doctor said It should be better in a few days. So i just need to suck it up and take it like a...man?? LOL.
I haven't got my counts for today yet from the nurse but I imagine they're about the same. I know that my white cell count is a 0.2 and the doc said as soon as it's back up to about a 1 they'll send me home! YAY!! Remember, were hoping for Monday. My parents already started taking stuff home today with all hope of me leaving soon. The sooner I pack the sooner I'll go home right?? :)
My weight this morning was 154.8 so it went down a bit from yesterday. But other than that I don't have a lot else to report. It's been a quiet day at the hospital in general (or so it seems, there isn't a lot of chaos in the hall). I'm going to migrate to my couch and put in a movie and hopefully take a nap.
Love you all.
Kim
This bluish tint to my nails are on all my nails. The doctor said the chemo will completely mess up my nails for 6 months....he said to just paint it. but I'm totally just going to see what it looks like natural. :)
(BTW, the dark vertical line in the middle of my nail is normal, it's been there my entire life lol)
I haven't got my counts for today yet from the nurse but I imagine they're about the same. I know that my white cell count is a 0.2 and the doc said as soon as it's back up to about a 1 they'll send me home! YAY!! Remember, were hoping for Monday. My parents already started taking stuff home today with all hope of me leaving soon. The sooner I pack the sooner I'll go home right?? :)
My weight this morning was 154.8 so it went down a bit from yesterday. But other than that I don't have a lot else to report. It's been a quiet day at the hospital in general (or so it seems, there isn't a lot of chaos in the hall). I'm going to migrate to my couch and put in a movie and hopefully take a nap.
Love you all.
Kim
This bluish tint to my nails are on all my nails. The doctor said the chemo will completely mess up my nails for 6 months....he said to just paint it. but I'm totally just going to see what it looks like natural. :)
(BTW, the dark vertical line in the middle of my nail is normal, it's been there my entire life lol)
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Day 13.75: I'm On The Pursuit of Happiness.
Well as today winds down not a lot has happened. It was one of those days that I was up and down. It was mainly my gums that hurt and kept me from being 85% of normal Kim (I won't be 100% kim for a while). As I type the night nurse is flushing (clearing) my Picc line. I have a funny copper taste in my mouth when this happens and at first I thought it was way cool. But now, it's just annoying. I just took my pepcid medication, my sleep pill, and my pain medication. So I should be feeling good any minute now. Now they're drawing my blood and I'm feeling a lot of pressure in my arm. its weird. the only time I've ever felt that was one day 1 of chemo. now they're having trouble drawing my blood. its like the blood isn't wanting to come out. The nurse said "its almost lie it"s trying to clot" which is funny b/c i don't have ANY platelets! lol. okay she just got half the tube thingy and gave up. lol. All i know is that they better get all they need now and not wake me up in the middle of the night to redraw my blood.
Anyways, she's done messing with my arm now. Another new thing has popped up today. My fingernails are turning blue! It's starting to have a tint of blue around the bottom of my cuticle. I'm not sure if this is normal but I just not noticed. I assume it is and I'll just add it to the list of "weird things because of Chemo list" that I have going. If not....at least it doesn't hurt?? lol.
My hair hasn't started to fall out yet (good news). I cut it to a shoulder length a couple days ago and I already miss my longer hair. :( Geez, that hardest part of all this is seriously gonna be my hair. Although, I was watching Friends today on TV and one of "guest" appearances shaved her head bald and she actually looked cute! She had fun little sparkly earrings and it made me smile because If I could look 3/4 as good as her I'd so just go all natural and be bald. Except my skin in dark and no telling how white my scalp is. LOL. great. So this means, as soon as I start losing my hair more rapidly I'm on the hunt for big gaudy bling-ish earrings. If anyone see's this description of earrings...let me know! :)
I can't believe tomorrow is Friday already. My days kinda blend together being stuck in the same room all day so I kinda lose track of time/days of the week. Tomorrow being Friday means I just gotta get thru Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, then I will HOPEFULLY be OUT OF HERE. By then the doctor said that my immune system should be on it's way back (on it's own!!) and I should return to my healthy self for about 2 weeks. Of course I'm sure I'll have my on and off days but for the most part my counts should be up and I should feel normal. :) Then after about two weeks I'll have to restart chemo and do it all over again. Somewhere in there (not really sure where, i'll ask tomorrow!) I'll have another bone marrow biopsy. Which isn't very good because my poor back is just now recovering (bruising is going away and not hurting anymore) from my first one (about 2 weeks ago?). Anyways, when I get out I plan on being as social as possible (within reason of course) especially when my counts are up and I can fight off infections on my own. :) I want to have a dinner with friends (whoever wants to join) as soon as I get and feel up to it. So be looking out. :) Just thinking of all this and thinking about taking daily walks outside makes me happy. Imagine being stuck inside ONE room in your house for almost THREE WEEKS. UGH. But I keep myself occupied and still have a lot to do on my "to do" list and it keeps growing the more cards I get from all those I love. :)
I will be moving to the first floor of my apartment in the beginning of may (hopefully when I'm still "out") so I'll be busy preparing for that while I'm home. So all those hands willing and able to help get your moving faces, hats, gloves, and muscles ready. Because for a single girl...i have a lot of stuff. lol.
Alright, as I wait for the meds to kick in (i'm feeling less pain already) and for the tech to come in to get my vitals for the night.....I'm gonna watch TV with my family (mom, dad, and brother are all here tonight) for a bit and I'm feeling so good that I'm gonna get outta my bed and move to the chair in the "sitting" area of my penthouse suite. :)
Thanks for the prayers and thoughts, i feel so much better because of it and keep sending me love, i appreciate any and all of it. :)
Until tomorrow,
Kim :)
Anyways, she's done messing with my arm now. Another new thing has popped up today. My fingernails are turning blue! It's starting to have a tint of blue around the bottom of my cuticle. I'm not sure if this is normal but I just not noticed. I assume it is and I'll just add it to the list of "weird things because of Chemo list" that I have going. If not....at least it doesn't hurt?? lol.
My hair hasn't started to fall out yet (good news). I cut it to a shoulder length a couple days ago and I already miss my longer hair. :( Geez, that hardest part of all this is seriously gonna be my hair. Although, I was watching Friends today on TV and one of "guest" appearances shaved her head bald and she actually looked cute! She had fun little sparkly earrings and it made me smile because If I could look 3/4 as good as her I'd so just go all natural and be bald. Except my skin in dark and no telling how white my scalp is. LOL. great. So this means, as soon as I start losing my hair more rapidly I'm on the hunt for big gaudy bling-ish earrings. If anyone see's this description of earrings...let me know! :)
I can't believe tomorrow is Friday already. My days kinda blend together being stuck in the same room all day so I kinda lose track of time/days of the week. Tomorrow being Friday means I just gotta get thru Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, then I will HOPEFULLY be OUT OF HERE. By then the doctor said that my immune system should be on it's way back (on it's own!!) and I should return to my healthy self for about 2 weeks. Of course I'm sure I'll have my on and off days but for the most part my counts should be up and I should feel normal. :) Then after about two weeks I'll have to restart chemo and do it all over again. Somewhere in there (not really sure where, i'll ask tomorrow!) I'll have another bone marrow biopsy. Which isn't very good because my poor back is just now recovering (bruising is going away and not hurting anymore) from my first one (about 2 weeks ago?). Anyways, when I get out I plan on being as social as possible (within reason of course) especially when my counts are up and I can fight off infections on my own. :) I want to have a dinner with friends (whoever wants to join) as soon as I get and feel up to it. So be looking out. :) Just thinking of all this and thinking about taking daily walks outside makes me happy. Imagine being stuck inside ONE room in your house for almost THREE WEEKS. UGH. But I keep myself occupied and still have a lot to do on my "to do" list and it keeps growing the more cards I get from all those I love. :)
I will be moving to the first floor of my apartment in the beginning of may (hopefully when I'm still "out") so I'll be busy preparing for that while I'm home. So all those hands willing and able to help get your moving faces, hats, gloves, and muscles ready. Because for a single girl...i have a lot of stuff. lol.
Alright, as I wait for the meds to kick in (i'm feeling less pain already) and for the tech to come in to get my vitals for the night.....I'm gonna watch TV with my family (mom, dad, and brother are all here tonight) for a bit and I'm feeling so good that I'm gonna get outta my bed and move to the chair in the "sitting" area of my penthouse suite. :)
Thanks for the prayers and thoughts, i feel so much better because of it and keep sending me love, i appreciate any and all of it. :)
Until tomorrow,
Kim :)
Day 13: In the End They'll Judge Me Anyway So Whatever.
Every night since I can remember I always laid in bed and the last thought I always try to have is "Tomorrow is another day." It sounds really corny but it always put me at ease after I had a terrible day because I knew that I didn't want another terrible day and tomorrow....i could "start over." Or it was the opposite, If I had a fabulous day I would aim for having another fabulous day because once again, I could make it what I wanted. So last night as I laid in my bed feeling absolutely miserable and thought about my day, the words "tomorrow is another day" put me at ease. Words can't describe how awful I felt yesterday. One minute I was freezing (literally shivering) then the next minute I was burning up (kicking off my blanket and sweating). It was crazy! I had a steady temperature of 99.8 all day and I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want to see anyone, I didn't want to eat, drink, or even get up to use the restroom (but i did lol). It was just awful. But I got through the day (mainly by sleeping) and today I feel 100x's better~!! I'm currently eating my breakfast which consists of cereal and mandarin oranges (yum!) so that alone tells what kind of day I'm having.
My hemoglobin for is a 10.2 (we want 13), my white blood count is at a 0.1, and my platelets dropped from a 55 (yesterday) to a 23 today. So again, I'll be getting more platelets today. My weight this morning was at 157. Right now I'm hooked up to my husband again (IV unit) and I'm getting my first dose of antibiotics. I think I'm getting two today?? and they're gonna start me on a mouth wash for my gums so hopefully they get better. They still hurt pretty bad but the nurse said I can have one pain med every four hours and today I plan on taking FULL advantage of that. lol.
Today if you're bored (and live in Oklahoma City Area) there is a blood drive at Northwest Classen High School until 1pm (i think) and you can go and donate blood in my name. All of the blood that gets donated to me, I get a certain percentage of 'credit' applied to my medical bills. Which would help out a ton because I'm gonna be in debt the rest of my life. lol. I'm super thankful that I don't have any college loans to pay off because I would just quit and be a bum somewhere. If you can't go today or just read this after 1pm, you can still go to any Oklahoma Blood Institute and donate in my name and I will still get the credit. :)
Alright that's all I have to report for now. Thank you for all your feel better thoughts and prayers you all sent me yesterday because they definitely worked. I can't imagine another day of how I felt yesterday. it was torture. Cross your fingers that I get released Monday (earliest doctor says I can get out because of my fever). I need to get out, go shopping, and just interact with people. I probably forgot how to drive! LOL.
I love you all. :) Have a good day!!
xoxo
kim
My hemoglobin for is a 10.2 (we want 13), my white blood count is at a 0.1, and my platelets dropped from a 55 (yesterday) to a 23 today. So again, I'll be getting more platelets today. My weight this morning was at 157. Right now I'm hooked up to my husband again (IV unit) and I'm getting my first dose of antibiotics. I think I'm getting two today?? and they're gonna start me on a mouth wash for my gums so hopefully they get better. They still hurt pretty bad but the nurse said I can have one pain med every four hours and today I plan on taking FULL advantage of that. lol.
Today if you're bored (and live in Oklahoma City Area) there is a blood drive at Northwest Classen High School until 1pm (i think) and you can go and donate blood in my name. All of the blood that gets donated to me, I get a certain percentage of 'credit' applied to my medical bills. Which would help out a ton because I'm gonna be in debt the rest of my life. lol. I'm super thankful that I don't have any college loans to pay off because I would just quit and be a bum somewhere. If you can't go today or just read this after 1pm, you can still go to any Oklahoma Blood Institute and donate in my name and I will still get the credit. :)
Alright that's all I have to report for now. Thank you for all your feel better thoughts and prayers you all sent me yesterday because they definitely worked. I can't imagine another day of how I felt yesterday. it was torture. Cross your fingers that I get released Monday (earliest doctor says I can get out because of my fever). I need to get out, go shopping, and just interact with people. I probably forgot how to drive! LOL.
I love you all. :) Have a good day!!
xoxo
kim
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Day 12: I Guess There Is A First For Everything.
This is going to be short. Today is my first day feeling terrible. My fever continued throughout the day and I don't remember much except sleeping. I'm not throwing up or anything so don't worry about that. My eyes hurt as well (random.) and I just woke up to "eat." I had a bowl of soup and mandarin oranges for dinner tonight. I'm about to call for more pain medications because once again, my gums hurt. It's not so much my teeth today. My gums feel swollen and it's just weird. I went for a chest xray earlier and I felt terrible being wheeled around the place. I was a bit excited to get out of my room but as soon as I got out I felt sick so I closed my eyes and put my arm up on the arm rest and laid my head on my hand. I bet I looked awful. Anyways, like I said I'll be here another week but the way I look @ it is I'd rather be here than @ home.
Also one more thing....keep your eyes open for a comfortable (cute too) outdoor chair (2 is ideal) when I do get out of here I know I'll want to sit on my patio on days I'm stuck inside. Just keep your eyes peeled and let me know where to find one. And as soon as I get outta here I can go SHOPPING! :)
Alright I'm exhausted just from typing this and my eyes hurt even worse. I'm going to sleep.
Love you all, thanks for everything you all have been doing for me.
Xoxo
Kim
Also one more thing....keep your eyes open for a comfortable (cute too) outdoor chair (2 is ideal) when I do get out of here I know I'll want to sit on my patio on days I'm stuck inside. Just keep your eyes peeled and let me know where to find one. And as soon as I get outta here I can go SHOPPING! :)
Alright I'm exhausted just from typing this and my eyes hurt even worse. I'm going to sleep.
Love you all, thanks for everything you all have been doing for me.
Xoxo
Kim
Day 12: Even if they turn the lights out the show is goin’ on.
I'm not getting out the hospital today or tomorrow. In fact, I'll be here for another WEEK. or so the doctor says. This morning they were doing their usual routine of getting my blood pressure, checking my weight (still 158), drawing their daily blood, and getting my temperature. And guess what? I had a fever of 100.8. GREAT. I guess I picked something up from something. And since my white blood count is probably at a 0.1 today my body is too weak to fight off whatever it is by itself. So they're gonna pump me full of antibiotics and hope I get better. awesome news right?
So they just drew my blood old school style (needle and arm...aka...my WORST fear here so far) and in 15 minutes they'll draw it again from my PICC line. Then they put it in some container that had yellowish stuff in it and they'll send it down to microbiology and they'll heat it up and whatever bacteria I have in my blood they'll "grow" it and figure out what it is. Then I'll be given antibiotics specifically for that bacteria. IDK how long of a process this all takes but the nurse just came in at 9:10 and she said the other nurse will come back in 15 minutes to draw my other blood (lol, like i have two sets) They said the bacteria could stem from the PICC line as well but idk if that was the case. Anywho, if this all confusing and you are thinking....what did I just read?? It's called a blood culture in case you want to look it up. :)
Anyways, it's 9:23am right now and i'm tired. My head is hurting today again as well as my gums....still! I don't think I have feverish symptoms and my head doesn't feel hot but I guess they know what they're doing.
SO I'M STUCK HERE ANOTHER WEEK. I may go crazy soon and I bet with all this going on they're not gonna let me go outside. And I'm thirsty so I'm irritated. I drank all my water, ate all my ice, and haven't ordered breakfast. I have an unopened orange juice beside me but that just sounds gross. Maybe when the nurse comes back for my 2nd blood draw I can get some. I could just push the nurses button but I hate bothering a working nurse for some ice water.....I know I would be irritated if someone did that to me. Maybe I'm just being too nice. lol. Oh well, the water crisis will be continued......oh wait, perfect timing, maybe she heard my mind venting and the rage from the keyboard, but a nurse tech just came in to check on me and I got some!! yesss!!
crisis averted.
Well that's all I have to report about this morning....it's only 9am and it's already been an eventful day. I'll write more later.
love you all!!
Kim
So they just drew my blood old school style (needle and arm...aka...my WORST fear here so far) and in 15 minutes they'll draw it again from my PICC line. Then they put it in some container that had yellowish stuff in it and they'll send it down to microbiology and they'll heat it up and whatever bacteria I have in my blood they'll "grow" it and figure out what it is. Then I'll be given antibiotics specifically for that bacteria. IDK how long of a process this all takes but the nurse just came in at 9:10 and she said the other nurse will come back in 15 minutes to draw my other blood (lol, like i have two sets) They said the bacteria could stem from the PICC line as well but idk if that was the case. Anywho, if this all confusing and you are thinking....what did I just read?? It's called a blood culture in case you want to look it up. :)
Anyways, it's 9:23am right now and i'm tired. My head is hurting today again as well as my gums....still! I don't think I have feverish symptoms and my head doesn't feel hot but I guess they know what they're doing.
SO I'M STUCK HERE ANOTHER WEEK. I may go crazy soon and I bet with all this going on they're not gonna let me go outside. And I'm thirsty so I'm irritated. I drank all my water, ate all my ice, and haven't ordered breakfast. I have an unopened orange juice beside me but that just sounds gross. Maybe when the nurse comes back for my 2nd blood draw I can get some. I could just push the nurses button but I hate bothering a working nurse for some ice water.....I know I would be irritated if someone did that to me. Maybe I'm just being too nice. lol. Oh well, the water crisis will be continued......oh wait, perfect timing, maybe she heard my mind venting and the rage from the keyboard, but a nurse tech just came in to check on me and I got some!! yesss!!
crisis averted.
Well that's all I have to report about this morning....it's only 9am and it's already been an eventful day. I'll write more later.
love you all!!
Kim
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Day 11.9: Pain Meds are Awesome
Quick update: My teeth are KILLING me. Mainly my gums. I've had pain meds back to back pretty much all day. It feels like when I first got braces (way back in the day) and tried to eat pizza at school that day and my mouth was sooo SORE. It hurts to bite down and everything. So I guess I'll get back to eating Ramen Noodles. lol.
I got platelets today because my count was low (below 20...it SHOULD be at 250). It was painless and only took like 20 minutes. I'm still disconnected from my IV (yay) and it's been great. Although some person down the hall (or possibly across) has a beeping IV that has been ANNOYING me ALL DAY. I was tempted to call my nurse and tell her to take care of it....but i didn't. I'm too nice. LOL. I'm pretty excited about "going home" tomorrow (if it happens). Yes, I'm sure I'll be doing the SAME thing at home...sitting around and watching TV and/or movies ALL DAY but at least I can get out and go for a walk at night with my mom & dad and just get around and NOT feel restricted. I feel so....useless in my hospital room and this morning as I woke up my mind wasn't going. Usually, as soon as I get up I lay in my bed and immediately thing about what I feel like wearing to work....what I need to get done before the students get into the room....what activity I have after school and what I need to take to work with me....My mind starts working as soon as I wake up (and sometimes between the snooze button i always hit). But this morning, I thought to myself. WOW, what is my purpose for today. Why do I have an urgency to get up at 8am when I know I can sleep in? I can't leave my room. I can't go outside. So what's the point.
It sounds depressing but I thought to myself....my only concern right now is to be thankful I'm here alive. My point of today is to live. It's a scary thought to think of but I did have that thought. Then it freaked me out so I started thinking about my hawaii dream. LOL. Not that I'm avoiding the question or feeling but it's because NOT living is NOT an option. Why would I even think that way? This just confirms that I'm going crazy here. A co-worker of mine suggested that I start taking grad school classes...and I like that idea. I can do it online and seriously, i have ALL the time in the world. BUT how am I going to pay for it?? I'm sure I'm buried up to my EARS in medical bills and it's only my FIRST visit to the hospital....greeeaaattt. But you can't put a price on life right??
I started to stretch today (mainly because I was bored) and it was B-R-U-T-A-L. OMG I was reminded why I never do it. It was painful. I'm gonna stop talking about it because it was THAT bad. lol.
In other news, my dad has decided to lose 50 pounds in honor of me. :) I'm glad that I have "inspired him" to do this. I think he'll take it serious because we both will be going though a "battle" together. He also sent me a picture message today that said...."There can only be one bald one in the family and I already beat you to it!" and attached was a picture of him with his shaved head. I guess he has been noticing me talking about how sad I'm gonna be to lose my hair and it just made me happy. I haven't noticed any more hair falling out but the doctor and nurses around here assure me it'll start within the next two weeks. I still in denial about it because I'm a strong "seeing is believing" person. But if these professionals are telling me what's up....i have to take their word.
Anyways, I haven't got my counts for today so I'll just skip today's "health" update. Just know today has been a good day and tomorrow if I go home and get to see my Einstein (my cat) I'll be one happy camper. :) My parents will be here another week (thank you IHS for the extension) and I think my brother will too. My sister left for Mississippi where she will then deploy to Afghanistan. She left two days ago at the wee hours of the morning. So keep my parents in your thoughts and prayers tonight/today because I could only imagine the whirlwind of emotions my parents are going though with all of this.
Alright, the sleepy pills are starting to kick in and I still have emails to reply to (sorry if you're one that I have YET to get back to). I love you all, thanks for being so supportive as I continue my journey of WINNING the battle against cancer. :)
Have a good night.
xoxo
Kim
my "husky" kitty Einstein is having a hard time coping with me being gone....i think.
I got platelets today because my count was low (below 20...it SHOULD be at 250). It was painless and only took like 20 minutes. I'm still disconnected from my IV (yay) and it's been great. Although some person down the hall (or possibly across) has a beeping IV that has been ANNOYING me ALL DAY. I was tempted to call my nurse and tell her to take care of it....but i didn't. I'm too nice. LOL. I'm pretty excited about "going home" tomorrow (if it happens). Yes, I'm sure I'll be doing the SAME thing at home...sitting around and watching TV and/or movies ALL DAY but at least I can get out and go for a walk at night with my mom & dad and just get around and NOT feel restricted. I feel so....useless in my hospital room and this morning as I woke up my mind wasn't going. Usually, as soon as I get up I lay in my bed and immediately thing about what I feel like wearing to work....what I need to get done before the students get into the room....what activity I have after school and what I need to take to work with me....My mind starts working as soon as I wake up (and sometimes between the snooze button i always hit). But this morning, I thought to myself. WOW, what is my purpose for today. Why do I have an urgency to get up at 8am when I know I can sleep in? I can't leave my room. I can't go outside. So what's the point.
It sounds depressing but I thought to myself....my only concern right now is to be thankful I'm here alive. My point of today is to live. It's a scary thought to think of but I did have that thought. Then it freaked me out so I started thinking about my hawaii dream. LOL. Not that I'm avoiding the question or feeling but it's because NOT living is NOT an option. Why would I even think that way? This just confirms that I'm going crazy here. A co-worker of mine suggested that I start taking grad school classes...and I like that idea. I can do it online and seriously, i have ALL the time in the world. BUT how am I going to pay for it?? I'm sure I'm buried up to my EARS in medical bills and it's only my FIRST visit to the hospital....greeeaaattt. But you can't put a price on life right??
I started to stretch today (mainly because I was bored) and it was B-R-U-T-A-L. OMG I was reminded why I never do it. It was painful. I'm gonna stop talking about it because it was THAT bad. lol.
In other news, my dad has decided to lose 50 pounds in honor of me. :) I'm glad that I have "inspired him" to do this. I think he'll take it serious because we both will be going though a "battle" together. He also sent me a picture message today that said...."There can only be one bald one in the family and I already beat you to it!" and attached was a picture of him with his shaved head. I guess he has been noticing me talking about how sad I'm gonna be to lose my hair and it just made me happy. I haven't noticed any more hair falling out but the doctor and nurses around here assure me it'll start within the next two weeks. I still in denial about it because I'm a strong "seeing is believing" person. But if these professionals are telling me what's up....i have to take their word.
Anyways, I haven't got my counts for today so I'll just skip today's "health" update. Just know today has been a good day and tomorrow if I go home and get to see my Einstein (my cat) I'll be one happy camper. :) My parents will be here another week (thank you IHS for the extension) and I think my brother will too. My sister left for Mississippi where she will then deploy to Afghanistan. She left two days ago at the wee hours of the morning. So keep my parents in your thoughts and prayers tonight/today because I could only imagine the whirlwind of emotions my parents are going though with all of this.
Alright, the sleepy pills are starting to kick in and I still have emails to reply to (sorry if you're one that I have YET to get back to). I love you all, thanks for being so supportive as I continue my journey of WINNING the battle against cancer. :)
Have a good night.
xoxo
Kim
my "husky" kitty Einstein is having a hard time coping with me being gone....i think.
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