Day 11.9: Pain Meds are Awesome

Quick update: My teeth are KILLING me. Mainly my gums. I've had pain meds back to back pretty much all day. It feels like when I first got braces (way back in the day) and tried to eat pizza at school that day and my mouth was sooo SORE. It hurts to bite down and everything. So I guess I'll get back to eating Ramen Noodles. lol.

I got platelets today because my count was low (below 20...it SHOULD be at 250). It was painless and only took like 20 minutes. I'm still disconnected from my IV (yay) and it's been great. Although some person down the hall (or possibly across) has a beeping IV that has been ANNOYING me ALL DAY. I was tempted to call my nurse and tell her to take care of it....but i didn't. I'm too nice. LOL. I'm pretty excited about "going home" tomorrow (if it happens). Yes, I'm sure I'll be doing the SAME thing at home...sitting around and watching TV and/or movies ALL DAY but at least I can get out and go for a walk at night with my mom & dad and just get around and NOT feel restricted. I feel so....useless in my hospital room and this morning as I woke up my mind wasn't going. Usually, as soon as I get up I lay in my bed and immediately thing about what I feel like wearing to work....what I need to get done before the students get into the room....what activity I have after school and what I need to take to work with me....My mind starts working as soon as I wake up (and sometimes between the snooze button i always hit). But this morning, I thought to myself. WOW, what is my purpose for today. Why do I have an urgency to get up at 8am when I know I can sleep in? I can't leave my room. I can't go outside. So what's the point.

It sounds depressing but I thought to myself....my only concern right now is to be thankful I'm here alive. My point of today is to live. It's a scary thought to think of but I did have that thought. Then it freaked me out so I started thinking about my hawaii dream. LOL. Not that I'm avoiding the question or feeling but it's because NOT living is NOT an option. Why would I even think that way? This just confirms that I'm going crazy here. A co-worker of mine suggested that I start taking grad school classes...and I like that idea. I can do it online and seriously, i have ALL the time in the world. BUT how am I going to pay for it?? I'm sure I'm buried up to my EARS in medical bills and it's only my FIRST visit to the hospital....greeeaaattt. But you can't put a price on life right??

I started to stretch today (mainly because I was bored) and it was B-R-U-T-A-L. OMG I was reminded why I never do it. It was painful. I'm gonna stop talking about it because it was THAT bad. lol.

In other news, my dad has decided to lose 50 pounds in honor of me. :) I'm glad that I have "inspired him" to do this. I think he'll take it serious because we both will be going though a "battle" together. He also sent me a picture message today that said...."There can only be one bald one in the family and I already beat you to it!" and attached was a picture of him with his shaved head. I guess he has been noticing me talking about how sad I'm gonna be to lose my hair and it just made me happy. I haven't noticed any more hair falling out but the doctor and nurses around here assure me it'll start within the next two weeks. I still in denial about it because I'm a strong "seeing is believing" person. But if these professionals are telling me what's up....i have to take their word.

Anyways, I haven't got my counts for today so I'll just skip today's "health" update. Just know today has been a good day and tomorrow if I go home and get to see my Einstein (my cat) I'll be one happy camper. :) My parents will be here another week (thank you IHS for the extension) and I think my brother will too. My sister left for Mississippi where she will then deploy to Afghanistan. She left two days ago at the wee hours of the morning. So keep my parents in your thoughts and prayers tonight/today because I could only imagine the whirlwind of emotions my parents are going though with all of this.

Alright, the sleepy pills are starting to kick in and I still have emails to reply to (sorry if you're one that I have YET to get back to). I love you all, thanks for being so supportive as I continue my journey of WINNING the battle against cancer. :)

Have a good night.

xoxo

Kim

my "husky" kitty Einstein is having a hard time coping with me being gone....i think.