Today has been a hectic day but I will say I was feeling crabby and irritated earlier in the day but now I'm nothing but excited and nervous.
I started my day off a wee bit late (11am) because of course, I'm still in hospital bed mode and want to do nothing but lay on my couch or floor and sleep or just relax. But I had to get up (with a LOT of help from my mom) and get myself ready to get my blood drawn at the hospital (a daily occurrence now). We had problems because the ENTIRE hospital was shut down including where they told us to go to get my blood drawn from. But after we argued our way through it we got it and the results were called into my doctor who called me later in the day with the latest health update. (more on that later)
Anyways, so then after we got all of that stuff straightened out it was around 2:30pm and my mom and I were in a weird position because I was suppose to meet at a friends house around 4ish to go to the Memorial Marathon Run Pasta Party. So we decided to go to wal-mart and took the back ways. While I was riding shot gun in my mom's car, I decided to google "Bone Marrow Transplant" because since I MAY (85% sure if my brother or sister is an exact match) have one after this next round of chemo and I've been having people ask me exactly what they're gonna do, i decided to research it a little. So as my mom was driving I was reading aloud what exactly it is and the procedure. Well my mom isn't from Oklahoma City and is semi-familiar with streets and stuff. She has a pretty good memory but since I was blabbering about the BMT, she was probably thinking about it and she missed the wal-mart backstreet road to get to the wal-mart off of I-40. I heard her say "I missed the road!" but I kept on reading aloud. Then she found a place to turn around and she was STILL confused about where she was and turned too early. So at this point, we're driving between the Hobby Lobby and Shoe Carnival right by the Wal-mart and as I was reading, I noticed my mom stopped. I figured it was just backed up because everyone loves walmart...lol....and then my mom got OUT of the car and ran to a van that was going the opposite (west) direction we were going (east). The van was parked at one of the random stop signs that people always wonder why they are there and cars were passing it like she was waiting on something. It took me a while to figure out what was going on because my mom immediately went to the driver and started talking to her. In my head I was saying to myself....what is my mom doing....hmm I wonder if she knows that person and hasn't seen her in a long time and was way excited to see her??....is that one of our relatives?? THEN i finally heard my mom saying "are you okay?? Can you breathe okay?? Has this happened before??"
So now I was WAYYYY confused and FINALLY realized (me and my slow self) OMG, this lady is having some sort of panic/anxiety/heart attack. I heard nothing but the lady moaning in pain as she grabbed her chest. I then thought to myself....maybe I should call 911....but then a little girl appeared in my sight and said that it has happened before so then I was like....maybe she has medication or an inhaler and the little girl knows a "routine" for her mom. So finally we got a "go ahead" from the mom (lady who was in pain) to call the ambulance. SO now, people are not only piled up behind us but we are blocking the ENTIRE way to walmart and people were getting angry. SO I shouted to my mom, "I'll call the ambulance" as I ran around the car and gave the INDEX (not middle, lol) "wait a second guy behind me getting angry about to honk at me" finger and drove the car around the parking lot while on the phone with 911. It was a weird call because I was really calm and the guy on the other end sounded panicked. weird right?? So I stayed on the line and gave very specific instructions to him and then he asked me to describe the "situation." So then I was like...uhhhh....i just did?? But he eventually wanted descriptions of the car, the lady, the kid, her bday, her weight, EVERYTHING. I kept saying, I don't know her we just stopped by because we knew she was struggling. THEN he kept asking a MILLION more questions about where I was. He was like....remain calm and on the phone with me....I was thinking....ummm I am calm and why would I hang up??? But I described in DETAIL (i was proud of myself) where we were and soon enough the fire truck arrived and then then guy on the phone was like....okay bye. LOL. it was weird. So by now people are staring at us, I pulled up behind the van and was checking out the action and they pulled the lady out of the van and as soon as the ambulance came they took her in and her other daughter had just went into work at walmart and had to tell her boss what was going on. So my mother and I stayed with the little girl until they were good to go.....
So basically, my mother and I saved her life and this just adds to my theory/life saying....Everything happens for a reason. Because (here I go again) WHAT IF we decided not to go to wal-mart (we BOTH weren't in the mood to go at all) and WHAT IF my mom didn't miss the road? What would've happened to this lady?? Especially since everyone was kinda honking and moving around her. My mom and I were just there at the right place at the right time and it felt good to help.
We ended up not even going to wal-mart because it was already 3:30 so we just turned around and went home. crazy right??
We talked about it the entire way home and I was going on and on about how it was meant for us to be there for that reason....like I'm still trying to figure out how I won the "lottery" and was randomly chosen to be given leukemia and fight the good fight the rest of my life.
ANYWAYS, i went home, changed, and went to my friends house and retold my mom and I's story. The whole drive there I sat in silence and just thought about what just happened. I guess all this chemo and cancer stuff has really gotten me to think about life and my meaning of being here. I thought about the lady, her family, and her daughters. How scared they must be and the phone call (the older daughter used my phone to call someone) I might get later because she couldn't get a hold of whoever it was she was calling. Then I thought to myself, what if I am the one who has to explain what happened....a complete stranger to whoever was on the phone....What if I was that person in the car and no one stopped to help me. life is funny sometimes and throws curveballs all the time to maybe re-evaluate yourself and put your life into perspective. Maybe I needed this day to look at my life and see where I am at....who knows, one day...i'll figure it out. :)
THen we went to the pasta party and it was nice. I ate a lot of food (surprisingly) and met some nice people and enjoyed the company of my fellow co-workers and some students. :) As I sat there eating in the HOT sun (as I wore jeans and a long sleeve and a BLACK scarf on my head) I couldn't help but think of the lady again and just took some time to "stop and smell the flowers," I took one of my mental "snapshots" and stored it in my hospital file I have going on in my head.....a collection of select memories that I choose to remember in DETAIL (look, smell, feel.... everything) for those days in the hospital where I'm stuck in my room.
I also started getting nervous about the 5k. It's always been about what time I'll get but this time...it is different. I'm running for the pure joy of running (even though around mile 1.4 I'll be KICKING myself and thinking....WHY AM I DOING THIS??!) and for my life. That sounds like dramatic and weird to say because I'm not in any way dying...i think. but I'm running because I can. I'm celebrating being healthy enough to function properly in the real world with a blood cancer. I'm celebrating the fact that I'm lucky enough to be alive with this cancer they caught by "accident." I'm running for those who are stuck in the hospital during this who can't run. cheesy....yes. but it will probably be THE most meaningful thing I have done in my entire life. YES i'm sure MY time will upset me (that's the competitor in me) but I have one goal and one goal only....to finish. Time is a number that right now....is irrelevant to anything that I'm currently struggling with (my self image, my health, and my emotional well being). This sounds bizarre and you're probably thinking to yourself.....this girl is weird and i don't understand a word she has typed....but once again, believe me, it makes sense in my head. :)
So tomorrow I will be joining fellow co-workers and beloved students of Taft run a very meaningful 5k run. The run starts around 6:40 and I'm hoping to be DONE by 7:40....well i NEED to be done with my run by then because i still have to get blood drawn by 9:30.
SPEAKING of which....i forgot to say.....during the pasta party my doctor called me and immediately when I heard, this is Dr. Reynolds trying to get a hold of Kimberly Begay.....my heart sank.
A BILLION thoughts shot thru my head mainly concerned with me not being able to run tomorrow because i had low counts or he was going to admit me asap because I needed something. But luckily I'm only low on platelets so as you pray for me tonight (if you read this before 7am) or send good healthy vibes my way during the run...just sneak in there....please don't fall too. I have a TERRIBLE HISTORY of falling outside while running on pavement.....so i PRAY myself that I don't fall because my poor blood won't be able to clot on it's own. :( that would be bad....but THAT WON'T HAPPEN. :)
alright, well I now have 5 hours of sleep to do to rest up for tomorrow's early rise and run. and my ipod is now ready to go. I have created the ULTRA 5k mix. I have a bit of starting off songs....slow but steady.....a couple of good "UPHILL TIME" songs.....and of course a "LAST MILE...PICK IT UP KIM" songs that should get me through it. :)
I will finish. I will TRY not to walk. Time doesn't matter. I'm doing this for me. I can do this.
i love you all, will blog tomorrow morning after the run with the possibility of pictures... :)
good night.
love,
kim
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