**quick health update: maintenance chemo is going good. Hardest part is my stomach gets upset often taking so many pills. Hopefully, I'll get this straightened out during my next doc appointment. According to my most recent CBC and CMP labs....All my counts are NORMAL!!!!!! actually I lied.....my white count is HIGHER than normal. :) sooo that makes me super woman right?? Also, I'm back to running a least a 5k day...I may run theOKC half marathon in April. 13 months from my diagnosis. I'm not awesome or anything. Lol.** end health update**
Right now, i am on a flight to the US Virgin Islands....my post cancer celebration with my sister. This will be exactly like the dream that in had back in April when I was diagnosed.....I dreamt of being somewhere tropical in December....and I can't believe it's happening now. Cancer is behind me.
I can't believe it's almost been a year since my life was thrown into a snow globe and shaken up until it almost broke. Yes, that's a weird analogy but that's truly how it felt. Words can't describe the emotions I went through during this past year.
I've grown so much as person and I feel like I'm one of the few people who understands what life might be about. And now that I've had this experience, all I can do is help people find their way. No I'm not a miracle worker or like a thousand times smarter than I was, but I feel like all of this was just a big life lesson. At least that's what I took away from it. and now, it's my turn to maybe teach someone, something. And if I don't, then I'm okay with that because I have gained new friends, stronger friends, new relationships, got rid of ones I don't need, and at the end of the day, I learned.
That probably made no sense and I know I didn't say what I learned but just know, I did.
Anyways, all of this "success" really should be credited to my amazing support group. My friends who offered whatever they could to help me out including rides, food while I was in the hospital, a few words of encouragement when I really needed it (and even when I didn't), and simple texts, calls, emails, and visits while I was locked away being poisoned. It was simple gestures that meant a lot and it really helped me get through the hard days. And everyone who knows me well, knows I'm not an affectionate person at all nor do I say thank you as much as I should....but don't worry, it's coming. It just has to be perfect.
So during these past 274 days, I've literally went through hell. Luckily, I looove hot weather so from day 1: I was ready. I've been doing a lot of re-reading of my blogs and i have impressed myself. Now that I realized what I just went through and how serious it was, it makes me cry when I read about myself....yeah, you can call it being vain but at the same time, I didn't know anything else. I thought it was all a joke and in the movies they totally Hollywood-ized it by making cancer seem like it was the end of the road. But with my new found knowledge and with the help of those who I met along the way on the same path as me, I realized I was a freak. I mean,who really goes running and works out during chemo treatments?? Especially when the day before I could barely make it through
Wal-mart in the automatic cart thingy? My explanation: it wasn't my time and God knew that I could handle it. He wanted me to pass on my experiences....through this blog, by word of mouth, by example....by anything and everything I experienced.
I can remember every little detail about every experience I had. I remember sending Emily to get art supplies while I was in mercy hospital because it wad heathers birthday and I got the most joy out of making a card for her. I remember the morning of my first bone marrow biopsy. It was a Friday morning and emily woke up early with me and I was wheeled down. I was soo ready to count backwards from 10 and determined to make it to zero as soon as they injected me with stuff to knock me out...I didn't. Lol. And the next thing I knew it was about an hour and a half later and I woke up to the nurse rubbing my hand trying to wake me up asking if i was okay. I'll never forget the panic looked on her face.. I knew something was wrong. she told me I woke up and they had complications with getting any bone marrow out. I had to be stuck 4 times. Of course, I didn't know what ANY of that meant but I said....okay, well at least you finally got it.
And of course, I remember my emotional breakdowns I randomly had about my hair. That's when I knew it was real. I tried to hold onto it as much as possible but I ended up shedding just as much as my cat, Einstein. So, Lisa, shaved my head for me and I'm so glad she was the one to do it. I tried my hardest not to cry but ultimately I did shed a few tears but I tried to be discrete about it...but I think everyone knew how hard it was for me. Then I remember the first time I wore a wig. I was constantly freaking out because I felt like everyone just KNEW that it wasn't my hair. But I was just very very paranoid....another common side effect of losing your hair. But eventually, I started buying hair that reminded me of my hair, and that was a much easier transition. Now, I'm a pro at wigs and I'm not gonna lie, I'm gonna miss having perfect hair all the time. And not having to shave my legs, that was always nice.
Next I remember my awful fungal infection. I was so sick but I never wanted to admit it. I didn't want help and when i got so sick that I had to depend on others 100%.....I knew that I hit rock bottom. My greatest fear was that I would never be able to use my legs again. And that I had waited too long to tell anyone my symptoms, so it was my fault. But after a few days of torture, my physical therapy god came and I was determined to do my best...because what every competitive person knows, you get what you put into it. I was serious about PT. Then a few days out of the hospital, feeling like a baby giraffe, I started walking on my own and eventually got back into jogging at granny pace. That was probably one of my proudest moments.
Then of course,my dang hot wings kick. Idk what the deal was but I want to thank all my friends who shared wings with me at any int during the past 7 months...I know I was a bit ridiculous about it but MAN, those cravings were no joke. I have such awesome friends, all I had to do was tell someone I wanted wings (or broadcast it on Facebook) and BAM, people were at buffalo wild wings waiting for ME! :)
Well anyways, at this point, I'm just rambling....I'm sure a lot of people heard all of these stories a million times. I could go on for days about all this but that's why I documented on this blog.
Unfortunately, it has to end. This will be the last post to the Kim Begay blog. There just isn't enough stuff happening to be concerned about anymore (a good thing right??)
So to all my faithful readers who have been with me since day 1: thank you. There were days that I didn't feel like updating this thing because it was so sad but knowing that I had people all over the WORLD reading this every single morning (or night) made me keep going. I know there are people who read this that see me often but there are also those who I've never met on here or even know that actually read this thing. I hope everyone takes something from this blog or passes it on to someone who it may help. If that happens, it has served it's purpose and ill be the happiest person in the world. I hope that those who have been following me (all along or just started) leave a "comment." I'd love to know just how many creepy people are put there.....hahaha just kidding. But seriously, please do.
To my friends: I love you all and I seriously owe you my life. That's a strong statement but it's honestly the truth. I would've never made it this far without your support. Thank you for not judging me and reassuring me that people will love me for me. And if they don't, they're not worth my time. Life is too short. Way too short.
For those battling cancer: God won't put you through anything you can't handle. Through Him you can conquer anything. I'm not gonna lie and say it's going to be easy and you won't have bad days....because you will. It's how you handle it and your attitude that will make a world of a difference. And when you are having a good day, enjoy it...it's the memories of the good days that will help you get through the bad ones.
I love you all.
I'm about to enjoy my well deserved tropical trip.
Xoxo
Kim Begay
Cancer SURVIVOR
"Be kind to everyone because you never know." -Milford Clayton
Friday, December 30, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Day 257: Daaaannnngggg....
It's been FOREVER since I've updated my blog! I'm sorry to all my loyal readers....life has just been busy. I had a mini scare for a second and I thought my blog was LOST, how you ask? Well I tried to sign in but it wasn't taking my username and password. I freaked out for a second and my heart rate went up. But turns out, they were trying to get me to use my gmail account to log on and it was just weird.
ANYWAYS, I took a little time to go back to a few of my blog posts and MAN what a journey it has been. A couple of those posts I read today I don't even remember writing!! GEEZ. But nonetheless, it's always good to go back and reflect. After each blog, it left me wanting to read more, so I can see how some of you have become "addicted." lol. And I'm hilarious. I think so anyways.
So I had a doctors appointment on the 28th of November and its purpose was to discuss my maintenance chemo. I had some questions about work, the transplant, and even general exam questions, like what to do if I get sick, do I ALWAYS have to go into the hospital...for like, the rest of my life? You know, the normal stuff.
So what I'll be doing is a 28 day cycle of this chemo stuff. On day one (which starts on the 19th) I'll get a small dose of vinkristine via IV. If the cancer center has their stuff together that day, the whole process should take about an hour (including check-in/wait time). If you remember, the vinkristine is responsible for the finger tingling I got during my last dose of chemo.The feeling is gone now but still, it's annoying....I hope it doesn't happen EVERY time. THEN days 1-5 after the vinkristine, I'll be on a steriod (i assume) called prednisone. it'll only be 50 mg so it's not a big deal. THEN on days 1, 8, 15, and 22, I'll take a 7.5mg tablet of Methotrexate. And then there is a script I can't read so I'll be taking something else as well....awesome right??
well it's wayy better than being in the hospital...i'll take this ANYDAY.
So an update on my hair....it's GROWING. my eyelashes are visible now and i'm almost to the point of wearing mascara again!! AHHHHH.........how i missed that. My head hair is slowly but surely growing...it looks like a glow is around my head because the hair is so thin and soft. I'm no where near looking not bald but.....at this point, I'm used to the wigs and the baseball caps. It doesn't phase me at all. I started working again (YAY!!) and even at school i've been to school with nothing but a baseball cap and a smile before. The kids understand and I think it's cool that they're experiencing this. i mean how many kids can say, OH I remember my 8th grade teacher just finished cancer treatments...blah blah blah. Its something I know they'll always remember. It's funny too because one kid said....Umm Miss Begay?? What was the deal with your hair yesterday? (talking about the day i only wore a baseball cap to class). I reminded him that I talked about having cancer and how chemo makes you lose your hair. Then i said....did you not wonder why my hair looked different everyday?? And he said, well no, I don't pay attention to hair. haha. it was great.
THEN we have the difficult kids of the world...after my day starting off HORRIBLE.....and i mean HORRIBLE....I made it to school and was prepared to stomp on a kid if he/she even looked at me the wrong way. And me and this student got into an argument over how much classroom money he could spend in the "auction" we have in my class every quarter. He claimed I was cheating and all that. I have had problems with this kid since DAY 1 when I arrived back at school. He mumbles under his breath EVERY TIME something is said....and it's annoying. As a teacher, you KNOW he is saying awful things, talking back, cursing you or someone else out, or just being down right disrespectful....so anyways, I've sort of "accepted" that he does that. The best piece of advice I got from someone about teaching was to pick your battles. And honestly, me fighting with him and saying "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY..." EVERYDAY and all day...wasn't really worth it. So instead, I just give him a hard time, mumble a little under my breath (nothing rude) and move on. He hated that when I gave him a taste of his own medicine....So anyways, we got into a little argument, I sent him back to his seat and he began to mumble...and just when I thought we could continue with the auction, he said it....out loud so all his friends could hear him and so he could be the center of attention....
"I'm gonna knock that wig off her head..."
and of course the tables that he was around, all laughed. I froze. I couldn't believe what he had just said. So i called him back to the front of the room....moved to my desk and pulled out a referral form. I was going to handle the situation by letting him know what I was going to do but nope, he just had to keep talking about how unfair i was being and that he didn't say that. So next thing to do....take it outside. I told him to go outside, I marched behind him and as soon as we got out there, i let him have it. I made him feel guilty, made him mad, and even got to the root of why he doesn't like me. All in all, I wasn't so much hurt about the rude comment he made....it was more of a breaking point because i constantly get disrespected by him and i had it. After about 10 minutes of talking at him and keeping him from talking by threatening to write down every word he says, I hopefully got through to him and helped him realize i'm not a bad person. ANYWAYS, he got a 5 day suspension and that was that. crazy right? Hopefully he learned and I know that after I let teachers know what he said, they were livid.
Alright well i'm teaching intersession for three days M,T and W and i have no idea what I'm doing....awesome right?? Time to get on this thing. Love you all and sorry again for the lack of updating....just know everything is going AWESOME. :)
xoxo
kim
ANYWAYS, I took a little time to go back to a few of my blog posts and MAN what a journey it has been. A couple of those posts I read today I don't even remember writing!! GEEZ. But nonetheless, it's always good to go back and reflect. After each blog, it left me wanting to read more, so I can see how some of you have become "addicted." lol. And I'm hilarious. I think so anyways.
So I had a doctors appointment on the 28th of November and its purpose was to discuss my maintenance chemo. I had some questions about work, the transplant, and even general exam questions, like what to do if I get sick, do I ALWAYS have to go into the hospital...for like, the rest of my life? You know, the normal stuff.
So what I'll be doing is a 28 day cycle of this chemo stuff. On day one (which starts on the 19th) I'll get a small dose of vinkristine via IV. If the cancer center has their stuff together that day, the whole process should take about an hour (including check-in/wait time). If you remember, the vinkristine is responsible for the finger tingling I got during my last dose of chemo.The feeling is gone now but still, it's annoying....I hope it doesn't happen EVERY time. THEN days 1-5 after the vinkristine, I'll be on a steriod (i assume) called prednisone. it'll only be 50 mg so it's not a big deal. THEN on days 1, 8, 15, and 22, I'll take a 7.5mg tablet of Methotrexate. And then there is a script I can't read so I'll be taking something else as well....awesome right??
well it's wayy better than being in the hospital...i'll take this ANYDAY.
So an update on my hair....it's GROWING. my eyelashes are visible now and i'm almost to the point of wearing mascara again!! AHHHHH.........how i missed that. My head hair is slowly but surely growing...it looks like a glow is around my head because the hair is so thin and soft. I'm no where near looking not bald but.....at this point, I'm used to the wigs and the baseball caps. It doesn't phase me at all. I started working again (YAY!!) and even at school i've been to school with nothing but a baseball cap and a smile before. The kids understand and I think it's cool that they're experiencing this. i mean how many kids can say, OH I remember my 8th grade teacher just finished cancer treatments...blah blah blah. Its something I know they'll always remember. It's funny too because one kid said....Umm Miss Begay?? What was the deal with your hair yesterday? (talking about the day i only wore a baseball cap to class). I reminded him that I talked about having cancer and how chemo makes you lose your hair. Then i said....did you not wonder why my hair looked different everyday?? And he said, well no, I don't pay attention to hair. haha. it was great.
THEN we have the difficult kids of the world...after my day starting off HORRIBLE.....and i mean HORRIBLE....I made it to school and was prepared to stomp on a kid if he/she even looked at me the wrong way. And me and this student got into an argument over how much classroom money he could spend in the "auction" we have in my class every quarter. He claimed I was cheating and all that. I have had problems with this kid since DAY 1 when I arrived back at school. He mumbles under his breath EVERY TIME something is said....and it's annoying. As a teacher, you KNOW he is saying awful things, talking back, cursing you or someone else out, or just being down right disrespectful....so anyways, I've sort of "accepted" that he does that. The best piece of advice I got from someone about teaching was to pick your battles. And honestly, me fighting with him and saying "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY..." EVERYDAY and all day...wasn't really worth it. So instead, I just give him a hard time, mumble a little under my breath (nothing rude) and move on. He hated that when I gave him a taste of his own medicine....So anyways, we got into a little argument, I sent him back to his seat and he began to mumble...and just when I thought we could continue with the auction, he said it....out loud so all his friends could hear him and so he could be the center of attention....
"I'm gonna knock that wig off her head..."
and of course the tables that he was around, all laughed. I froze. I couldn't believe what he had just said. So i called him back to the front of the room....moved to my desk and pulled out a referral form. I was going to handle the situation by letting him know what I was going to do but nope, he just had to keep talking about how unfair i was being and that he didn't say that. So next thing to do....take it outside. I told him to go outside, I marched behind him and as soon as we got out there, i let him have it. I made him feel guilty, made him mad, and even got to the root of why he doesn't like me. All in all, I wasn't so much hurt about the rude comment he made....it was more of a breaking point because i constantly get disrespected by him and i had it. After about 10 minutes of talking at him and keeping him from talking by threatening to write down every word he says, I hopefully got through to him and helped him realize i'm not a bad person. ANYWAYS, he got a 5 day suspension and that was that. crazy right? Hopefully he learned and I know that after I let teachers know what he said, they were livid.
Alright well i'm teaching intersession for three days M,T and W and i have no idea what I'm doing....awesome right?? Time to get on this thing. Love you all and sorry again for the lack of updating....just know everything is going AWESOME. :)
xoxo
kim
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