Day 276: life goes on....

**quick health update: maintenance chemo is going good. Hardest part is my stomach gets upset often taking so many pills. Hopefully, I'll get this straightened out during my next doc appointment. According to my most recent CBC and CMP labs....All my counts are NORMAL!!!!!! actually I lied.....my white count is HIGHER than normal. :) sooo that makes me super woman right?? Also, I'm back to running a least a 5k day...I may run theOKC half marathon in April. 13 months from my diagnosis. I'm not awesome or anything. Lol.** end health update**

Right now, i am on a flight to the US Virgin Islands....my post cancer celebration with my sister. This will be exactly like the dream that in had back in April when I was diagnosed.....I dreamt of being somewhere tropical in December....and I can't believe it's happening now. Cancer is behind me.

I can't believe it's almost been a year since my life was thrown into a snow globe and shaken up until it almost broke. Yes, that's a weird analogy but that's truly how it felt. Words can't describe the emotions I went through during this past year.

I've grown so much as person and I feel like I'm one of the few people who understands what life might be about. And now that I've had this experience, all I can do is help people find their way. No I'm not a miracle worker or like a thousand times smarter than I was, but I feel like all of this was just a big life lesson. At least that's what I took away from it. and now, it's my turn to maybe teach someone, something. And if I don't, then I'm okay with that because I have gained new friends, stronger friends, new relationships, got rid of ones I don't need, and at the end of the day, I learned. 

That probably made no sense and I know I didn't say what I learned but just know, I did. 

Anyways, all of this "success" really should be credited to my amazing support group. My friends who offered whatever they could to help me out including rides, food while I was in the hospital, a few words of encouragement when I really needed it (and even when I didn't), and simple texts, calls, emails, and visits while I was locked away being poisoned. It was simple gestures that meant a lot and it really helped me get through the hard days. And everyone who knows me well, knows I'm not an affectionate person at all nor do I say thank you as much as I should....but don't worry, it's coming. It just has to be perfect. 

So during these past 274 days, I've literally went through hell. Luckily, I looove hot weather so from day 1: I was ready. I've been doing a lot of re-reading of my blogs and i have impressed myself. Now that I realized what I just went through and how serious it was, it makes me cry when I read about myself....yeah, you can call it being vain but at the same time, I didn't know anything else. I thought it was all a joke and in the movies they totally Hollywood-ized it by making cancer seem like it was the end of the road. But with my new found knowledge and with the help of those who I met along the way on the same path as me, I realized I was a freak. I mean,who really goes running and works out during chemo treatments?? Especially when the day before I could barely make it through 
Wal-mart in the automatic cart thingy? My explanation: it wasn't my time and God knew that I could handle it. He wanted me to pass on my experiences....through this blog, by word of mouth, by example....by anything and everything I experienced. 

I can remember every little detail about every experience I had. I remember sending Emily to get art supplies while I was in mercy hospital because it wad heathers birthday and I got the most joy out of making a card for her. I remember the morning of my first bone marrow biopsy. It was a Friday morning and emily woke up early with me and I was wheeled down. I was soo ready to count backwards from 10 and determined to make it to zero as soon as they injected me with stuff to knock me out...I didn't. Lol. And the next thing I knew it was about an hour and a half later and I woke up to the nurse rubbing my hand trying to wake me up asking if i was okay. I'll never forget the panic looked on her face.. I knew something was wrong. she told me I woke up and they had complications with getting any bone marrow out. I had to be stuck 4 times. Of course, I didn't know what ANY of that meant but I said....okay, well at least you finally got it. 

And of course, I remember my emotional breakdowns I randomly had about my hair. That's when I knew it was real. I tried to hold onto it as much as possible but I ended up shedding just as much as my cat, Einstein. So, Lisa, shaved my head for me and I'm so glad she was the one to do it. I tried my hardest not to cry but ultimately I did shed a few tears but I tried to be discrete  about it...but I think everyone knew how hard it was for me. Then I remember the first time I wore a wig. I was constantly freaking out because I felt like everyone just KNEW that it wasn't my hair. But I was just very very paranoid....another common side effect of losing your hair. But eventually, I started buying hair that reminded me of my hair, and that was a much easier transition. Now, I'm a pro at wigs and I'm not gonna lie, I'm gonna miss having perfect hair all the time. And not having to shave my legs, that was always nice.

Next I remember my awful fungal infection. I was so sick but I never wanted to admit it. I didn't want help and when i got so sick that I had to depend on others 100%.....I knew that I hit rock bottom. My greatest fear was that I would never be able to use my legs again. And that I had waited too long to tell anyone my symptoms, so it was my fault. But after a few days of torture, my physical therapy god came and I was determined to do my best...because what every competitive person knows, you get what you put into it. I was serious about PT. Then a few days out of the hospital, feeling like a baby giraffe, I started walking on my own and eventually got back into jogging at granny pace. That was probably one of my proudest moments. 

Then of course,my dang hot wings kick. Idk what the deal was but I want to thank all my friends who shared wings with me at any int during the past 7 months...I know I was a bit ridiculous about it but MAN, those cravings were no joke. I have such awesome friends, all I had to do was tell someone I wanted wings (or broadcast it on Facebook) and BAM, people were at buffalo wild wings waiting for ME! :) 

Well anyways, at this point, I'm just rambling....I'm sure a lot of people heard all of these stories a million times. I could go on for days about all this but that's why I documented on this blog.

Unfortunately, it has to end. This will be the last post to the Kim Begay blog. There just isn't enough stuff happening to be concerned about anymore (a good thing right??)

So to all my faithful readers who have been with me since day 1: thank you. There were days that I didn't feel like updating this thing because it was so sad but knowing that I had people all over the WORLD reading this every single morning (or night) made me keep going. I know there are people who read this that see me often but there are also those who I've never met on here or even know that actually read this thing. I hope everyone takes something from this blog or passes it on to someone who it may help. If that happens, it has served it's purpose and ill be the happiest person in the world. I hope that those who have been following me (all along or just started) leave a "comment." I'd love to know just how many creepy people are put there.....hahaha just kidding. But seriously, please do. 

To my friends: I love you all and I seriously owe you my life. That's a strong statement but it's honestly the truth. I would've never made it this far without your support. Thank you for not judging me and reassuring me that people will love me for me. And if they don't, they're not worth my time. Life is too short. Way too short. 

For those battling cancer: God won't put you through anything you can't handle. Through Him you can conquer anything. I'm not gonna lie and say it's going to be easy and you won't have bad days....because you will. It's how you handle it and your attitude that will make a world of a  difference. And when you are having a good day, enjoy it...it's the memories of the good days that will help you get through the bad ones. 

I love you all.

I'm about to enjoy my well deserved tropical trip.

Xoxo

Kim Begay
Cancer SURVIVOR


"Be kind to everyone because you never know." -Milford Clayton