Day 90: Productivity

90 days in....it's hard to believe.


Today I feel....happy.


LOL. It's the beginning of chemo day 2 and I feel fine. No funny side effects or anything. I'm on million pills a day and still on a blood thinner. Evaluating my counts over the past days I guess being healthy really will help your health. LOL.....I'm a genius. I mean really, if everyone took 10 minutes at the least a day to shut off the tv, computers, or video games and just enjoy life outside and walk or take a jog...i think people would be a lot happier (not at the moment of course, lol). Just an opinion...that has yet to fully form. But noticing my counts over the couple weeks, as soon as I started running and working out again my counts noticeably jumped. CRAZY!!

Anyways, I got more chemo this morning around 5 or 6 but I didn't even notice. I took some Ambien last night to help me sleep and it knocked me out until around 8 or 9 this morning. I've been hooked up to the chemo that flows between it all day so once again, I have to use the restroom every hour. After sitting around for a bit I decided to be productive. I started researching financial assistance grants and came across scholarships for cancer patients/survivors, and even what they call a LIFEGRANT. they basically give you $5,000 if you get picked and you can do whatever you want with it as long as it benefits the community....umm HELLO....KIM BEGAY 5k Run.....That would be awesome or even something cool to do with my soccer boys like maybe a soccer camp that THEY put on to help younger kids...my mind was flowing with ideas and it got me excited....too bad I didn't write any down. LOL.

And then when I moved on about that, I looked up scholarship eligibility that is out there for cancer patients/survivors and....I'm eligible for a LOT of them. So next year I hope to do some grad school here while I finish up my 5 years and i'm OUTTA HERE and ready for grad school.

I'm so glad that I got he kick in the pants that I needed to actually be productive. I miss the feeling of getting exciting, imagining the possibilities, and putting things in motion and most of all...talking about it and bouncing ideas off people. okay I'm way excited now. haha!

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a doctor came in and i guess they're gonna do my intrathecal chemo (spinal tap) sometime today. who knows when....i'm ready to get it over with...and I do highly enjoy field trips around the hospital. lol

Well other than that, I'm still here. Trying to take it day by day and really think about things that are going on....and so far. i don't regret anything. :)

continuous prayers and good thoughts are always welcomed and appreciated.

Much Love,
Kim


This is ONE round of pills I got to take two times a day....and between these two major doses I probably get another good 15 spread out...geez!!

Day 89: Pushing Past.

UGH after this long non-sense of a stay here at OU I'm finally starting CHEMO....the chemo nurse just came in and gave me 12 pills to take....literally. I guess the first time I had this at mercy it was given to me in a shot type thing. So I manned up and took all 12 at once. I'm pretty sure some dissolved in my mouth (gross) but I thought I'd put that on my accomplishment list. LOL. THe nurse thought it was hilarious....granted these pills were only 5mg each so it was like taking a huge horse pill. lol.

Anyways, that's the update. they're starting the OFFICIAL pre-hydration fluids and I'm already feeling funny. My right arm around the veins of the top of my wrist is feeling pressure...weird. I think it's from the roids because I had this type of feeling in mercy. oh well, it'll go away.

The nurse is bringing me some papers on what type I'm getting and whatever so I'll update you all soon. :)

Yay!

Pray & send me good thoughts. please. :)

xoxo
kim

Day 89: To be worn out is to be renewed.

" I've decided that the stuff falling through the cracks is confetti and I'm having a party!"

This is a quote that a friend of mine sent to me via text. Along with it he said that when he read this he immediately thought of me. and I like the quote so I thought I'd share. think about it.

ANyways, i STILL haven't started the ACTUAL chemo treatment. So far they've just been playing around thinking I'm on vacation. LOL. I'm still on my pre-fluids but the nurse just came in to give me some oral pills and she was looking at my prescription list and found that the actual chemo meds have been ordered....SO she's going to find out as well as bring me a print out of my counts.

Well things have been sorta looking up. I started paying payments on my mercy medical bills (i put it off long enough) and I talked with a financial lady and she gave me some great info. Also I found out that I can actually APPLY (like college scholarships) for "grants" to help me pay. I just got to send "my story" and pray I get an application. YAY! I found 3 or 4 I'm going to try and apply for I just need to get to a printer and print documents off to submit.

Other than that, I've just been hanging around in the hospital walking around a lot trying to keep from pure boredom...i need more visitors!!

ALSO....I'm officially signed up for a 5k on July 9th! I'm excited to run again...my only goal is to try to beat my 40 minute time. It might be a challenge because my lungs aren't as strong but I'm trying to get people to run with me so it'll make me run faster...or just longer. I still haven't got past the 2 mile mark. but as soon as I get out of here I'm gonna hit the pavement hard and do some work. I'll try for just making it three miles a day walk or run....

Alright well my nurse just gave me a printout of the weeks counts...

Wednesday - My first outpatient check up with my doctor before I got admitted.
my hemoglobin was at 11.2...yeeeaahh buddy! my platelet count was at a 215 (remember I was at an 8 when I came in LOL) and my white blood count was at a 5.9. still on the low end but definitely higher than a 0.1.

Thursday (day I got admitted to the hospital.)
Hemoglobin - 10.5
Platelet- 210
White Blood- 5.9

Friday (actual first hospital stay)
uhh never mind it stkipped it on the paper. LOL

Saturday (yesterday)
hemoglobin - 11.0
Platelet - 197
White Blood -5.1

annnndd Today
Hemoglobin - 10.1 :(
Platelet - 184
White blood - 4.8

My counts will continue to drop because of chemo but I was pretty proud of my wednesday counts...I was still considered "low" but overall....YYAAAYYY!!!! :)

Alright well there are other results but I need my med school friends to explain it to me. LOL

Pray that chemo starts today. I'm ready to get it over with so I can go home!

xoxo
kim

Day 88: Ready

It's my 2.5 day in this hospital and STILL NOTHING. Yesterday I got some sort of radioactive heart scan. They injected me with stuff that attached to my red blood cells and they took pictures of my heart function as my red cells were glowing. cool right? not really. All I could think of when I was under the machine was....hmmm, I wonder how much this is going to cost....lol.

Then the doctors came in a couple times and I thought they were ready for chemo to start....but it didn't. They wanted to be sure that my eyes were okay because the fungal infection from the last hospital stay had spread to my right eye. So the opthamologist came in and he said it was clear and only a scar was left where the fungal infection WAS. Then he brought in another lady to double check and....it was gone. So last night I was all clear on chemo to start but no one knew where the doctors were. and of course they didn't put in my orders before they left so I didn't start yesterday on time....awesome right??

Anyways, I had friends come over so it was a good night and one of my students even came and just made my night. :) I'm so thankful for friends at times like this that I need them. During this whole time of doing absolutely nothing I had wished that I had remembered to bring my running shoes. LOL. I have a 5k to run on the 9th of July so I need to build up my mileage....

Alrighty, as of now, my nurse is hooking me up to some hydration stuff (saline) as I'm guessing pre-meds...and she just gave me a blood thinner shot in my stomach and it burns right now. It feels like I have fire on it. So i'm putting pressure on it and laughing....lol.

OH and my new tech came in today to give me a new gown and towels so I could shower and she said there is a good energy in my room and when I was talking to her about stuff she had said that I seem so normal and so happy now that it's weird how stuff like this stops you in your tracks to slow you down to make you re-evaluate life. I think that's what I needed. A personal cleanse of my life and the people in it.

Okay well desperate housewives of Orange County is on so I'm gonna watch it and probably take a nap and eat some hot fries. LOL. :)

love you all, thanks for reading. :)

kim


**I mean REALLY....who wouldn't love me?? :)

Day 86: Lovely.

YAY for me posting again!! Sorry to keep you all on your toes about my health. I don't have internet at my new apartment (i'm just lazy and haven't called them...blah!) so it's hard to blog. But...there really isn't anything to blog about.

I still have my home nurse coming to draw my blood every Wednesday. Last time I updated my hemoglobin was really low but since then I've been doing regular hand checks. What's that you ask? Well I always noticed that everytime I get blood my hands turn a redish color. So i decided to check my hands everyday to make sure that they are either a pink or red color. and if they're not...i need blood to make them red. lol. Another one of my crazy theories. But anyways, since my three units of blood I haven't went back in for anything. My blood pressure has been high but my mom was saying that when I was in the hospital before the docs were saying something about an irregular heart valve?? I don't really remember.

So tomorrow I'll start ALL my heart, lung, and internal organ tests because I'm healthy now....wait.....rewind......I got ahead of myself. So I had my "monthly" checkup with my doctor yesterday and she suprised me with a 5 day hospital stay...uuggghhh. I'll be getting chemotherapy but this time in a lower dose than before. I'll be getting the exact same medications as I did at mercy the first time. I forgot to ask about my hair...if it will fall out again. I have some pretty hardcore stubble on my head now...it's really thin and comes out relatively easy (yes i tug on it to test it's weakness LOL). But I'm used to it now....but not necessarily the stares from people. However...people do recognize me now. Some worker at Charlotte Russe in the mall was like...OH HI....you're back!! lol.

So yes, I'm back in the hospital at OU. lame. But after this I'll have a weekly cbc blood draw and my next appointment with my doc will be late july. so yay for that! I'll suck it up for 5 days.

My sister just left this morning. She was on a 3 or 4 day leave before she leaves for Afghanistan and she came to oklahoma. We took my parents everywhere and just enjoyed some cancer free family time. it felt great to not have restrictions and be healthy. I started running again and am up to two miles non stop. It's definitely a struggle going from no muscle movement and such a huge loss of muscle mass to running again. But staying positive and dedicated to my exercises I'm slowly working my way back. it's awesome. I'm still slow but I'll work on that when I get out again. :)

I wish everything was fine and dandy but I did have one rude encounter and truly saw how ignorant and inconsiderate people really can be. At first I thought the only struggle I would go through outside of the hospital would have been people staring at me or even whispering about me....at times I don't want to notice these things I simply pull my hat down and move on. Anyways, my sister and I were shopping in an OKC mall and we were in a store and I was looking at dresses. My sister had went to another part of the store and I was about to walk into another "room" of the store. I had just entered the sale area and two girl workers were walking around straightening the racks and talking. And as soon as I walked into the room they looked at each other and laughed....so at first, trying to be positive about it...maybe they just told a joke or something htat I missed. So I continued to look at clothes and one said, "I don't see how anyone could do that to themselves. WOuld you ever do that?
girl #2 said, "OMG, never in a million years. I don't know how I would look how how it would be shaped if I shaved it off. I mean I thought of it before but i could never."
girl #1 replies, "So would you even shave half of it and make a cool hair do?"
girl #2 shouts and laughs "NO! I don't know why anyone would choose to do that."

so at his point I was annoyed. I wanted to yell at them...I wanted to throw the clothes everywhere....I wanted to politely explain that it wasn't a choice....blah, blah, blah. But i didn't. I guess I froze? SO instead I just started messing up their "perfect clothes rack" they had been fixing for a while. Then my sister came over and I told her I would tell her what happened in a bit but for now....mess up and misplace everything you possibly can. The girls picked up on what we were doing but said nothing. So then we left the store and I ended up calling the store and getting a managers name, number, and the owners number. I explained that I was offended and the reason I lost my hair was because of cancer. She said she would handle the situation and was deeply apologetic about everything. she also mentioned that he girls who worked there have had numerous complaints about rude/inconsiderate conversations.

I mean really...I don't mind being talked about but not to my face. I didn't want to react because I knew I Was better than that.....it just sucks going through stuff like that...and I am a healthier cancer patient...I wonder what others go through and just how much people stare. it's kinda sad. Anyways, I'm okay with it, I just know those girls have some bad karma coming their way. Hopefully they learn.

Alrighty well I'll be blogging more since i have free internet here (lol) for the next 5 days so don't put those reading glasses away just yet. :) for now, i'm tired and gotta put my purple sheets on my bed so i'm not bothered by the nasty scent of the hospital sheets.

xoxo

kim

Day 71: the show goes on

Alright so as of today, I've been out of the hospital for 8 days. All is well except I have to sit for 5 hours a day (usually from 12-5) and give myself my medications the my iv. I got a portable iv stand thingy sent to my apartment and all my meds are sent to my house in a week supply. The nurse comes in every week to take my vitals and draw my blood. For the most part the whole thing is pretty easy but it's just terrible to sit and wait for the fluids to go thru me in the middle of the day. But I'm working on trying to push it back a little each day so I can administer it in the morning instead. That is valuable pool time I'm missing. I need my tan to come back.

Any who, other than that everything has been running smooth. I started walking (not yet running) again and I can feel a difference in my muscles. It always feels funny When I walk faster than I usually do (before cancer, I was always a slow walker anyway)....so probably normal people pace, my muscles feel funny and my lungs hurt. But everyday that gets better so I should be up and running (literally) again soon. :)

So latest news for today....we had an early morning with the home nurse coming and she changed my "dressing" on my picc line....which took forever!....then she drew my blood and was on her way. Then I started to crave donuts and wanted to walk to dunkin donuts. But then I had a craving for a pan era bagel,....so my mom and I went to get breakfast and then today my plan was to clean/organize my room so I dragged my mom to target with me to buy more storage things and just as we pulled into my apartment driveway, my doctors nurse called. :( she said she had got my lab results back and my hemoglobin was really low and I need not one, not two, but three blood transfusions starting at 7 am!! Ugh. So right now I'm getting typed and crossed at the hospital. Tomorrow I'll blog more.....love u all!

Remission!

Kim

Day 64: Tired

So I'm STILL in the hospital. I don't know if in my previous blog I mentioned that I was suppose to get out YESTERDAY but I definitely was. Unfortunately, my anti-fungal infection medication started at 3 so it was around 7 when I finished the whole cycle. So right before the cycle started, I had a new medication that I was given (through IV) for a urinary tract infection (gross, i know). BUT, I had an allergic reaction to it. I started getting itchy on my legs and face and when my mom came back from getting coffee down the hall, she was staring at my face and she was quick to tell me about the red spots on my face. awesome right??

So they stopped that medication as soon as I told them and they saw my reaction. They left it alone and started my other meds and it went away as soon as it came. I wasn't feeling too hott so I fell asleep for a bit. Anyways, after 7 when my IV was finished, they didn't let me go because they wanted to get new medications for my UTI before they discharge me. So last night my mom and I took a walk around the hospital and it was a challenge. I had shoes on and it was just weird to walk. IDK if it was the Ambien I took right before we took off but it was hard to walk. I felt like a newborn learning to walk. I did good though, I only had to sit down once but I did sleep a more than I usually do at night so maybe again tonight I'll go for another walk. BTW everyone stares at you if you have no hair. lol

Alright so I'm here again in the hospital for another day (i hope just one) and it is terrible. It seems like the hospital bed gets worse the closer you get to leaving. it's awful because I'm so bored and it seems like all I do is watch TV, eat disgusting food, and lay around. so lame. I get tired but I can't sleep. it's annoying.

So please hope that I go home tomorrow. I know as soon as I get home I'm going to sleep on my couch! lol. I got so used to sleeping on it when I was really sick before my diagnosis and when I was sick at home earlier. I miss it. lol.

pray for me...

kim