WELL.....6 MORE DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY.......make sure to visit me friends!! I'll be in the dang hospital but I'll be sure to make the best out of it.....maybe wear a birthday hat all day?? or at least a ribbon or SOMETHING. Definitely a sign for my door though. it'll give me something to do Monday as I lay in my bed and be poisoned (chemo).....I never thought of it that way but I've been on a cancer "support" "networking" site for young cancer survivors and OMG are they all so negative. I mean, yeah I get that no one WANTS or DESERVES cancer....and that people can be angry or sad or upset or depressed.....but it's kind of sad to think people really are like that on a day to day basis. I would hate walking around feeling depressed all day and thinking "I have cancer, my life sucks. WHY ME??!".........yeah, I have my moments (never full days) that i get a little sad but then I snap out of it and go do something.....maybe....well I know that's why I'm doing fantastic and it really hasn't been that hard for me.....hmmm.
ANYWAYS, enough about that.....I've been having a great week! I have so much energy from the THREE blood transfusions and my mouth sores are FINALLY GONE and my swollen cheeks/jaw/right side of my face have went back to normal size. My skin is still suffering from the last round of chemo but that'll go away by next week so I'm not too worried about that. I have plenty of white blood cells....i forgot the number when the nurse told me but I remember thinking....wow, that's high. so YAY. My taste buds are good and my bruises on my legs are sort of going away.
Tomorrow I have a doctors appointment with my NEW doctor....hopefully I will like him....i think it's a him. I will get to the bottom of a few "issues" I was having and also WHY I got passed on to a new doc....hmmm... I'm a little anxious...and a little nervous.
So I started teaching my ONE class that I am allowed to teach and today was my first day back in my classroom for an entire 45 minutes and it was GREAT. I miss teaching soooooo much and being around the kids. They just have a fun energy that I have really missed. I can't wait to be teaching on my own and full time. planning my own lessons and even grading papers......I'm sure I'll regret that statement in a few weeks/months....but I'll get over it. I'll take work stress over chemo treatments ANYDAY. :)
Well other than that, I've just been enjoying my time out of the hospital and my energy level. I'm running a lot more and a lot longer distances. I signed up for the breast cancer 5k run......so I hope my body keeps producing blood like it's suppose to until then. It's going to be an exciting month. I'll also be teaching intersession at school for three days before my last round of chemo....OMG LAST ROUND.....to get some extra income....because lets be honest.....i'm struggling right now with my bills and whatever else i have being thrown my way.....its' stressful doing it on my own but.....with the help of my friends, I'm getting by and i keep telling myself.....it's almost over.....it's almost over......it's almost over.
Okay well I need to go to sleep.....I'm SOOO tired from today.....idk what I'm still doing up.
I'll give you all an update tomorrow after my doctor appointment and the low down and what's going on.
until then,
i love you all.
Kim
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
Day 180: image
8 days until my birthday!!!! Yesterday I got to talk to my sister (1st time since June) and it was so great to talk like we used to. I miss her.
This morning I had to get up early....and I knew that. So what happens?? That's right I Didn't go to sleep until 3am!! But I made it to my 8am appointment on time and they were ready for me this time. I didn'thaveto walk back and forth between two buildings like last time and even the registration process was a lot quicker. As the nurse came and got me from the waiting room, I was talking to her about it being too early and how my plan was to go right to sleep. Well the nurse I had Friday was my same nurse and she overheard me talking and then asked, "would you like a bed instead? I can get you a bed." Those Words were like music to my ears....and I got switched to another room with a comfortable bed. I climbed in and immediately she started covering me with blankets and even gave me a heater thingy that they put underneath your blanket that blows warm air......I mean seriously....can I take it home with me?!?! Then she brought me some benadryl, Tylenol, hot tea, water and more blankets....she totally hooked me up. We engaged in some conversation about my old hair jewelry, purses, Facebook,and other randomness that came our way.
So that's where I'm at now. I'm hanging out in an outpatient surgery room waiting for my 2 bags of blood to arrive and for the benadryl to kick in so I can sleep. After this I'll he fully be a lot more energized. Maybe i'll go for a run tonight. No exercise in like 3 weeks is no bueno for me. This weekend in felt great....now, I felt the fatigue a little this morning but not as bad as Friday. My hemoglobin was at a 5.4 before the transfusion so I imagine now that I'm around a 7. Still really low but I'm functioning fine. My platelets were at a 120....still a little low but what's funny is that I thought it was lower. I have more bruises than ever and on Saturday my nose was running (no worries, I caught it, lol) and it was bleeding and wouldn't seem to stop. As I was cleaning/putting up Halloween decorations around my apartment, I managed to cut myself with scissors between my middle and index finger, get a paper cut from sorting thru mail and even get scratched from dealing with my moody phat cat Einstein. And for icing on the cake, I hit my foot so hard on my own vacuum cleaner that it bled for hours.....this all leads me to believe that I need more platelets because my blood doesn't seem to want to clot like it should....I guess this is why Mr. Bandaid made band/aides. Lol.
Anyways, this morning as I was stumbling around trying to not look so much like a hobo, I washed my face and as I was drying it, I caught a glimpse of myself in my bathroom mirror and thought....wow, I LOOK like I have cancer.
My face was naked....I had no bronzer on and my face looked pale...being anemic didn't help too...my eyelashes were gone and my eyes looked puffy (probably from my lack of sleep).....my eyebrows had disappeared with the soap I used to clean my face and the black pencil I use to create the illusion of eyebrows wasn't there either. My lips were colorless and blended in with the rest of my face screaming for the lip gloss I usually put on every chance I get to avoid this pale look.....and of course, my entire head was smooth and all my hair had fallen out again from my last treatment.
It was gross. Looking in the mirror almost disgusted me because this whole time that I had been priding myself on how well I was doing and receiving all the compliments on how great I looked, I realized how much of that was artificial. Now I understand why the cosmetic industry gets trillions of dollars a year....I hated the feeling of looking sick but feeling "well" that I got during that split second I really looked at myself. And even now as I type this out I'm looking at my hands and I'm embarrassed by them. My nails are all purple and extremely brittle, my skin looks like they've been thru a shredder because they're so dry....and dark I might add. ::sigh::
So today after this epiphany I had.....and moment of sadness.....I shrugged my shoulders....thought....it is what it is.....I feel fine and that's all that matters, right? :/ well no because we are visual creature that judge people based on their looks. And right now, mine doesn't portray What I want it to or how I actually feel 99% of the time.
so I painted on my eyebrows...found the biggest bling-iest earrings I could find to make sure no one mistakes me for a boy....added a sparkle of bronzer, and put on my favorite baseball cap and was on my way....
This morning I had to get up early....and I knew that. So what happens?? That's right I Didn't go to sleep until 3am!! But I made it to my 8am appointment on time and they were ready for me this time. I didn'thaveto walk back and forth between two buildings like last time and even the registration process was a lot quicker. As the nurse came and got me from the waiting room, I was talking to her about it being too early and how my plan was to go right to sleep. Well the nurse I had Friday was my same nurse and she overheard me talking and then asked, "would you like a bed instead? I can get you a bed." Those Words were like music to my ears....and I got switched to another room with a comfortable bed. I climbed in and immediately she started covering me with blankets and even gave me a heater thingy that they put underneath your blanket that blows warm air......I mean seriously....can I take it home with me?!?! Then she brought me some benadryl, Tylenol, hot tea, water and more blankets....she totally hooked me up. We engaged in some conversation about my old hair jewelry, purses, Facebook,and other randomness that came our way.
So that's where I'm at now. I'm hanging out in an outpatient surgery room waiting for my 2 bags of blood to arrive and for the benadryl to kick in so I can sleep. After this I'll he fully be a lot more energized. Maybe i'll go for a run tonight. No exercise in like 3 weeks is no bueno for me. This weekend in felt great....now, I felt the fatigue a little this morning but not as bad as Friday. My hemoglobin was at a 5.4 before the transfusion so I imagine now that I'm around a 7. Still really low but I'm functioning fine. My platelets were at a 120....still a little low but what's funny is that I thought it was lower. I have more bruises than ever and on Saturday my nose was running (no worries, I caught it, lol) and it was bleeding and wouldn't seem to stop. As I was cleaning/putting up Halloween decorations around my apartment, I managed to cut myself with scissors between my middle and index finger, get a paper cut from sorting thru mail and even get scratched from dealing with my moody phat cat Einstein. And for icing on the cake, I hit my foot so hard on my own vacuum cleaner that it bled for hours.....this all leads me to believe that I need more platelets because my blood doesn't seem to want to clot like it should....I guess this is why Mr. Bandaid made band/aides. Lol.
Anyways, this morning as I was stumbling around trying to not look so much like a hobo, I washed my face and as I was drying it, I caught a glimpse of myself in my bathroom mirror and thought....wow, I LOOK like I have cancer.
My face was naked....I had no bronzer on and my face looked pale...being anemic didn't help too...my eyelashes were gone and my eyes looked puffy (probably from my lack of sleep).....my eyebrows had disappeared with the soap I used to clean my face and the black pencil I use to create the illusion of eyebrows wasn't there either. My lips were colorless and blended in with the rest of my face screaming for the lip gloss I usually put on every chance I get to avoid this pale look.....and of course, my entire head was smooth and all my hair had fallen out again from my last treatment.
It was gross. Looking in the mirror almost disgusted me because this whole time that I had been priding myself on how well I was doing and receiving all the compliments on how great I looked, I realized how much of that was artificial. Now I understand why the cosmetic industry gets trillions of dollars a year....I hated the feeling of looking sick but feeling "well" that I got during that split second I really looked at myself. And even now as I type this out I'm looking at my hands and I'm embarrassed by them. My nails are all purple and extremely brittle, my skin looks like they've been thru a shredder because they're so dry....and dark I might add. ::sigh::
So today after this epiphany I had.....and moment of sadness.....I shrugged my shoulders....thought....it is what it is.....I feel fine and that's all that matters, right? :/ well no because we are visual creature that judge people based on their looks. And right now, mine doesn't portray What I want it to or how I actually feel 99% of the time.
so I painted on my eyebrows...found the biggest bling-iest earrings I could find to make sure no one mistakes me for a boy....added a sparkle of bronzer, and put on my favorite baseball cap and was on my way....
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Day 178: HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS
I'm in a fabulous mood today. I think it's because it's sooooo nice outside today! I started the day eating lunch with my friend Emily at hideaway pizza....mmmmmm. Then I got in the mood to do something. Honestly, I wanted to play soccer but....I still get tired walking around so no bueno on that. Anyways, So as soon as I got back from eating, I cleaned out/reorganized my storage area, labeled everything, and eventually got my sweet halloween decorations out!! So now my apartment is all halloween'd out and it looks great! I'm about to go to Kohl's to do a little more shopping for a shower curtain and bathroom halloween stuff. I've always wanted to be the festive person who has cute bathroom stuff in each holiday season....now is the time!! :)
Anyways, so quick health update.....I went and got a cbc on Wednesday and of course....thursday I got a call from my doctors nurse saying that my hemoglobin was really low (like in the 5's) and I needed more blood transfusions. lame. She said she would try to get me into the hospital on Friday but it's been so busy that she didn't know if she could. I was a bit bummed because blood transfusions take FOREVER and a day to do.....but I could tell that I needed one. On Thursday I was rushing around in the morning trying to head to work and I had misplaced my keys. Well my apartment was a complete wreck because on wednesday I was trying to reorganize my closet and clothes and jewelry were EVERYWHERE. So finding my one key to my car was nearly impossible. So it took me 27 minutes to find my keys....that were on my kitchen counter....and during the entire time I was looking for them I had to sit down every 30 seconds. I was getting so fatigue everywhere I went....i called it...it's really frustrating at times to not be able to do everyday things without feeling just out of breath. Even showering was getting harder. You just don't realize how much energy you exert doing stuff like that. never even phased me until now. But I manage and move on.
So anyhow, on Friday morning just as I was about to walk out the door for work, my doctors nurse called and said she was able to schedule a blood transfusion part I at the OU hospital in EDMOND.....ahhhhhhh!!
which meant I had to drive over there, find it, and go thru the whole check in process at a new hospital. So I got my directions and was on my way. When I got there, I entered thru the main hospital and asked the volunteer ladies where to go. They sent me to registration and as I was trying to explain what was going on and that I was told to go to the lab so I can be typed and crossed for my bag of blood, the registration lady was like....we don't do blood transfusions here. you need to go over to the other building. So I walked over to the other building and did the same thing. I was admitted and given a bracelet and taken to my room. Then as I sat in my room and waited I overheard nurses talking about they can't draw my blood here and carry it to the lab. So they sent me BACK to the main building with papers and they said go straight to the lab and ring the door bell. So i did. Then the lab people were confused about the paperwork the nurses gave me and I said, "they told me to come here to get typed and crossed because I need a blood transfusion. "
after much deliberation on the nurse and tech's part, they sat me in a chair and was ready to draw my blood....NEEDLES and all.....so then I said, "OH, I have a PICC line in my left arm you can draw from. I don't want to be stuck with a needle" Then the guy freaked out because he didn't know what to do. He looked at my arm as if he'd NEVER seen a picc line before. Then he asked....well do you have a port in your chest then?? I said "uhh, no, why would i have a port if I have a PICC??" So then he asked the main lab guy what to do and he was just as confused. So they called the nurses at the other building where my room was and said, "She has a port so we're going to send her back with the tubes and you're going to have to draw her blood down there." So then a different nurse came back in the room and explained to me what was going on and she got a wheelchair and I was sitting in the waiting room and waiting for another nurse to come and when she did.....she said, well, let's just draw your blood here....there is no sense in going down there and me coming back with it. So i got up and walked back to the lab room....and FINALLY got my blood drawn. And I guess my blood was angry because it took around another 10 minutes for the blood to actually start flowing. lol. In my mind....i said... "GOOD." haha. So then afterwards I was wheelchaired back down to my room in the other building....I was going to offer to walk but they took a few tubes of blood and I hadn't eaten all day so I started to feel a bit light headed. They hooked me up with some lunch and I got a hamburger and I had to wait about an hour to actually get the bag of blood going because they have to order according to your blood type and blah blah blah. Once everything got started I was given benadryl....not the fun shot that makes me slur my words and feel all fuzzy....but instead a pill that put me to sleep. Next thing I knew I was drooling all over my face and it was all done....and 4pm. haha So I gathered my stuff and left.
Now the not so funny part is that i have to go BACK on monday at 8AM!!!!! uuuugggghhhhhhhhhhh. I have to have two more bags of blood because I was sooo low. great huh? But this bag that I got on Friday has made a HUGE difference. Today as I was cleaning my storage and apartment I didn't once get tired or feel out of breath. and I've been at it for a good 3 hours before stopping to update my blog.....so imagine what life is gonna be like after monday!! YAYY!! I'll be able to start running again and lifting weights!! YAY!
Alrighty, well I need to finish cleaning my apartment and eventually get to Kohl's to buy a shower curtain!
what a great day! :)
BIRTHDAY IS IN 10 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm gonna be the BIG 25...........yeaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh buddy.
until next time....
much love.
Kim
ALSO Northwest Classen High school will be having a blood drive in my name on OCTOBER 6th....>TWO days after my birthday!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ME! As soon as I get times and stuff I'll post it. :)
Anyways, so quick health update.....I went and got a cbc on Wednesday and of course....thursday I got a call from my doctors nurse saying that my hemoglobin was really low (like in the 5's) and I needed more blood transfusions. lame. She said she would try to get me into the hospital on Friday but it's been so busy that she didn't know if she could. I was a bit bummed because blood transfusions take FOREVER and a day to do.....but I could tell that I needed one. On Thursday I was rushing around in the morning trying to head to work and I had misplaced my keys. Well my apartment was a complete wreck because on wednesday I was trying to reorganize my closet and clothes and jewelry were EVERYWHERE. So finding my one key to my car was nearly impossible. So it took me 27 minutes to find my keys....that were on my kitchen counter....and during the entire time I was looking for them I had to sit down every 30 seconds. I was getting so fatigue everywhere I went....i called it...it's really frustrating at times to not be able to do everyday things without feeling just out of breath. Even showering was getting harder. You just don't realize how much energy you exert doing stuff like that. never even phased me until now. But I manage and move on.
So anyhow, on Friday morning just as I was about to walk out the door for work, my doctors nurse called and said she was able to schedule a blood transfusion part I at the OU hospital in EDMOND.....ahhhhhhh!!
which meant I had to drive over there, find it, and go thru the whole check in process at a new hospital. So I got my directions and was on my way. When I got there, I entered thru the main hospital and asked the volunteer ladies where to go. They sent me to registration and as I was trying to explain what was going on and that I was told to go to the lab so I can be typed and crossed for my bag of blood, the registration lady was like....we don't do blood transfusions here. you need to go over to the other building. So I walked over to the other building and did the same thing. I was admitted and given a bracelet and taken to my room. Then as I sat in my room and waited I overheard nurses talking about they can't draw my blood here and carry it to the lab. So they sent me BACK to the main building with papers and they said go straight to the lab and ring the door bell. So i did. Then the lab people were confused about the paperwork the nurses gave me and I said, "they told me to come here to get typed and crossed because I need a blood transfusion. "
after much deliberation on the nurse and tech's part, they sat me in a chair and was ready to draw my blood....NEEDLES and all.....so then I said, "OH, I have a PICC line in my left arm you can draw from. I don't want to be stuck with a needle" Then the guy freaked out because he didn't know what to do. He looked at my arm as if he'd NEVER seen a picc line before. Then he asked....well do you have a port in your chest then?? I said "uhh, no, why would i have a port if I have a PICC??" So then he asked the main lab guy what to do and he was just as confused. So they called the nurses at the other building where my room was and said, "She has a port so we're going to send her back with the tubes and you're going to have to draw her blood down there." So then a different nurse came back in the room and explained to me what was going on and she got a wheelchair and I was sitting in the waiting room and waiting for another nurse to come and when she did.....she said, well, let's just draw your blood here....there is no sense in going down there and me coming back with it. So i got up and walked back to the lab room....and FINALLY got my blood drawn. And I guess my blood was angry because it took around another 10 minutes for the blood to actually start flowing. lol. In my mind....i said... "GOOD." haha. So then afterwards I was wheelchaired back down to my room in the other building....I was going to offer to walk but they took a few tubes of blood and I hadn't eaten all day so I started to feel a bit light headed. They hooked me up with some lunch and I got a hamburger and I had to wait about an hour to actually get the bag of blood going because they have to order according to your blood type and blah blah blah. Once everything got started I was given benadryl....not the fun shot that makes me slur my words and feel all fuzzy....but instead a pill that put me to sleep. Next thing I knew I was drooling all over my face and it was all done....and 4pm. haha So I gathered my stuff and left.
Now the not so funny part is that i have to go BACK on monday at 8AM!!!!! uuuugggghhhhhhhhhhh. I have to have two more bags of blood because I was sooo low. great huh? But this bag that I got on Friday has made a HUGE difference. Today as I was cleaning my storage and apartment I didn't once get tired or feel out of breath. and I've been at it for a good 3 hours before stopping to update my blog.....so imagine what life is gonna be like after monday!! YAYY!! I'll be able to start running again and lifting weights!! YAY!
Alrighty, well I need to finish cleaning my apartment and eventually get to Kohl's to buy a shower curtain!
what a great day! :)
BIRTHDAY IS IN 10 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm gonna be the BIG 25...........yeaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh buddy.
until next time....
much love.
Kim
ALSO Northwest Classen High school will be having a blood drive in my name on OCTOBER 6th....>TWO days after my birthday!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ME! As soon as I get times and stuff I'll post it. :)
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Day 175: Owwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I'm in pain today. i have terrible mouth sores that seemed to have sprouted up overnight. It hurts to eat anything. The sores aren't as bad as they were the first time I had them during my first round of chemo....but the mouth is sensitive so you can only imagine the pain. My cheeks are swollen and it hurts to talk or smile.....or laugh for that matter. ughhh.
Other than that, I'm tired and my eyes hurt. I still have labs to go to today at 4 but then afterwards, I'm going to go home and go to sleep! I had every intention of running today and possibly going to the gym but I'm being a wimp today.
Okay that's it for now, other than that I'm doing peachy. :)
kim
Other than that, I'm tired and my eyes hurt. I still have labs to go to today at 4 but then afterwards, I'm going to go home and go to sleep! I had every intention of running today and possibly going to the gym but I'm being a wimp today.
Okay that's it for now, other than that I'm doing peachy. :)
kim
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Day 174: Positive Attitude
Well today started out AWFUL.....I was awaken at 3am by my apartment security BANGING at my door....it scared me because I had fallen asleep on my couch fairly early so I was in a pretty deep sleep. I threw on a baseball cap, opened the door, and they said, "are you Ms. Begay??" I said yes and they said "Are you aware that you car has been broken into??"
My response...."why would I know at 3am if my car was broken into??"
haha...oops, I was obviously cranky. Anyways, so my car got broke into and I was so upset. The driver side window was bashed in and there was glass everywhere. I went out to asses the damage and it was exactly as I pictured it. I guess they saw my GPS stand on my dashboard and assumed my gps was in there....it was in the middle console and of course, they took it. :( However, they did not take the actual cord that attaches to it so IDK how they're gonna manage to use it. My package of cancer bracelets were everywhere, they broke my sunglasses, and I guess they thought they would find an ipod attached to my aux cord but I luckily didn't leave that in my car. My glove box wasn't open....the back seat was completely untouched....and my $100 watch was still in there. So obviously these "robbers" were kids or teenagers tryna make a dollar or two off simple electronics. OH and they totally jacked my change holder thingy that had over $4 worth of change in it....and I didn't realize it was gone until I stopped at sonic for breakfast and didn't have it....I think that made me more angry that they took that than my gps....lol IDK why....i'm so weird.
anyways, I took it into the auto glass place that wasn't busy at all and went ahead and replaced the window as well as my cracked windshield I've been putting off replacing. So I figured my day was ruined but being the new person I am....I looked at the positive side and was thankful that they didn't try to steal my car or vandalize it. A GPS can be replaced (thank goodness mine is still under warranty!) so I took my cancer approach....said "it happened, I can't do anything about it....pouting won't help anything".....i can't feel sorry for myself....so I'm just gonna fix it and move on. and I did....and guess what? My day got exponentially better!!
I'm so thankful for my friends/support system I have. I had a friend pick me up from the auto glass place and take me to work, I received a very generous gift from another on my way to work, and I just had an all around good day at school. Seeing my main support system (school teacher friends) always makes me happier and I even stayed somewhat busy at work. :) My car was fixed by 4 so I was able to pick it up after school with no problem. It wasn't as expensive as I thought it would be and I even got a little UPS surprise package from my sister.....it's funny how life can have such perfect timing for things like that. My sister got me some sweet hot pink running shoes that are special "cancer edition" "READY.SET.CURE." shoes....oh and a movie to watch! :) The little things like that made my day 100,000x's better and almost made me completely forgot that my car was even broken into. crazy right??
Then later, I did some laundry at two friends house and they were even kind enough to cook some taco salad for me.....so overall, life has been good today. I guess it just proves to me that letting little things go and moving on is hard but once you can do it, good things will come. IDK if that even makes sense but I know It works for me and I'm gonna stick to it. :)
Well, other than that, I'm still getting fatigued easily when I do things too fast. I have labs scheduled for tomorrow and I'm hoping I can stop by and see a doctor for a reason I wish not to put on here. I have a little pain sometimes and I've been ignoring it and now it's getting worse. I don't think it's anything to be worried about but it's still uncomfortable at times. we'll see what happens.
Until next time I write....have a good day/night....be positive and let the little things go... :) i love you all and thanks to those of you who had a part in my day....and even if you think you didn't....you're reading this and supporting me now. so thanks. love you all.
kim
My response...."why would I know at 3am if my car was broken into??"
haha...oops, I was obviously cranky. Anyways, so my car got broke into and I was so upset. The driver side window was bashed in and there was glass everywhere. I went out to asses the damage and it was exactly as I pictured it. I guess they saw my GPS stand on my dashboard and assumed my gps was in there....it was in the middle console and of course, they took it. :( However, they did not take the actual cord that attaches to it so IDK how they're gonna manage to use it. My package of cancer bracelets were everywhere, they broke my sunglasses, and I guess they thought they would find an ipod attached to my aux cord but I luckily didn't leave that in my car. My glove box wasn't open....the back seat was completely untouched....and my $100 watch was still in there. So obviously these "robbers" were kids or teenagers tryna make a dollar or two off simple electronics. OH and they totally jacked my change holder thingy that had over $4 worth of change in it....and I didn't realize it was gone until I stopped at sonic for breakfast and didn't have it....I think that made me more angry that they took that than my gps....lol IDK why....i'm so weird.
anyways, I took it into the auto glass place that wasn't busy at all and went ahead and replaced the window as well as my cracked windshield I've been putting off replacing. So I figured my day was ruined but being the new person I am....I looked at the positive side and was thankful that they didn't try to steal my car or vandalize it. A GPS can be replaced (thank goodness mine is still under warranty!) so I took my cancer approach....said "it happened, I can't do anything about it....pouting won't help anything".....i can't feel sorry for myself....so I'm just gonna fix it and move on. and I did....and guess what? My day got exponentially better!!
I'm so thankful for my friends/support system I have. I had a friend pick me up from the auto glass place and take me to work, I received a very generous gift from another on my way to work, and I just had an all around good day at school. Seeing my main support system (school teacher friends) always makes me happier and I even stayed somewhat busy at work. :) My car was fixed by 4 so I was able to pick it up after school with no problem. It wasn't as expensive as I thought it would be and I even got a little UPS surprise package from my sister.....it's funny how life can have such perfect timing for things like that. My sister got me some sweet hot pink running shoes that are special "cancer edition" "READY.SET.CURE." shoes....oh and a movie to watch! :) The little things like that made my day 100,000x's better and almost made me completely forgot that my car was even broken into. crazy right??
Then later, I did some laundry at two friends house and they were even kind enough to cook some taco salad for me.....so overall, life has been good today. I guess it just proves to me that letting little things go and moving on is hard but once you can do it, good things will come. IDK if that even makes sense but I know It works for me and I'm gonna stick to it. :)
Well, other than that, I'm still getting fatigued easily when I do things too fast. I have labs scheduled for tomorrow and I'm hoping I can stop by and see a doctor for a reason I wish not to put on here. I have a little pain sometimes and I've been ignoring it and now it's getting worse. I don't think it's anything to be worried about but it's still uncomfortable at times. we'll see what happens.
Until next time I write....have a good day/night....be positive and let the little things go... :) i love you all and thanks to those of you who had a part in my day....and even if you think you didn't....you're reading this and supporting me now. so thanks. love you all.
kim
Monday, September 19, 2011
Day 173: It's Party Time!
Well it's almost party time. I finished my 6th round on Friday and as soon as I got out I had to go to the cancer center to get a white blood booster shot.....go figure. and it was FREEZING OUTSIDE. people were staring at me because I only had a tshirt and shorts on as I was leaving the hospital....but in my defense, it was a thousand degrees when I went in and wasn't expecting the arctic front to roll in. lol. And i knew it was cold....my hospital room was sooo cold that I was piled underneath so many blankets....even the nurses were saying that my room was the coldest.
Anyways, this weekend I tried to take it easy...but I always get antsy when i'm out of the hospital to do things....but my poor body just can't keep up and I'm always so dang tired. But this weekend I managed to get out and get to the fair. As long as I don't get too excited and have random bursts of energy I'm usually fine. It was nice to get out and eat some greasy unhealthy fair food. I even rode a ride with my wig! lol. I was paranoid for a bit that it would fly off and I was having horrible images of hair flying off someones hair midway through the ride and it landing on a baby or something.HAHA. but it didn't (thank you jesus) so all is well.
Other than that, I went in today to get labs done (complete blood count) and I made the mistake of taking a pain pill before and I started to get tired as I was driving home....yikes! I've been having some minor "pain" in my upper back/shoulders. I didn't have a spinal tap this round so the pain isn't as extreme as it has been in the past. The pain is more like....I have been lifting weights for the past week and i'm soooooooooo SORE. it hurts to massage it out and icy hot doesn't really seem to help. Last night I slept on a heating pad and it kind of relaxed my muscles but today....the pain is back. I thought maybe it was because I slept on my couch on friday night after I got back from the hospital but you would think it would've gone away by now right? wrong.
Well, I have my next doctors appointment next monday and then I'm scheduled for more chemo the first week in october....aka my BIRTHDAY week. So I'm expecting visitors coming out of my ears that week because that will be a depressing week to be in the hospital. Also, apparently I got switched to a new doctor. I will no longer have Dr. Ikeguchi....I guess they're transferring me to a bone marrow specialist?? Maybe because active chemo treatment is almost over?? IDK....but when i go in I'll definitely ask. Okay well, my baked chicken is done (YES I'm COOKING) and I'm starving so I'm gonna get some food. I'll try to update more later. :)
much love,
kim
Anyways, this weekend I tried to take it easy...but I always get antsy when i'm out of the hospital to do things....but my poor body just can't keep up and I'm always so dang tired. But this weekend I managed to get out and get to the fair. As long as I don't get too excited and have random bursts of energy I'm usually fine. It was nice to get out and eat some greasy unhealthy fair food. I even rode a ride with my wig! lol. I was paranoid for a bit that it would fly off and I was having horrible images of hair flying off someones hair midway through the ride and it landing on a baby or something.HAHA. but it didn't (thank you jesus) so all is well.
Other than that, I went in today to get labs done (complete blood count) and I made the mistake of taking a pain pill before and I started to get tired as I was driving home....yikes! I've been having some minor "pain" in my upper back/shoulders. I didn't have a spinal tap this round so the pain isn't as extreme as it has been in the past. The pain is more like....I have been lifting weights for the past week and i'm soooooooooo SORE. it hurts to massage it out and icy hot doesn't really seem to help. Last night I slept on a heating pad and it kind of relaxed my muscles but today....the pain is back. I thought maybe it was because I slept on my couch on friday night after I got back from the hospital but you would think it would've gone away by now right? wrong.
Well, I have my next doctors appointment next monday and then I'm scheduled for more chemo the first week in october....aka my BIRTHDAY week. So I'm expecting visitors coming out of my ears that week because that will be a depressing week to be in the hospital. Also, apparently I got switched to a new doctor. I will no longer have Dr. Ikeguchi....I guess they're transferring me to a bone marrow specialist?? Maybe because active chemo treatment is almost over?? IDK....but when i go in I'll definitely ask. Okay well, my baked chicken is done (YES I'm COOKING) and I'm starving so I'm gonna get some food. I'll try to update more later. :)
much love,
kim
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Day 169: Whew
Well the nurse just took away my last bag of chemo so I'm officially done with round 6! Sorry I haven't been writing but honestly nothing exciting has been going on. I've been laying in bed, sleeping, and experimenting with my lemon pepper that I brought here from home to spruce up my food.
I haven't been getting fevers or nauseated so overall, this has been a good round. Right now they would let me go but they have to see where my methotrexate level...which is the big dose of 24 hour chemo I go earlier. I guess that's the "dangerous" one that has side effects such as hair loss (duh), nausea, stomach pain, chest pain, confusion, dark stools...blah blah blah. nothing to which I've have had. IDK how they check my levels but my nurse said I could possibly get out a little later tonight. I know there is no rush to me getting out, it's not like i'll be doing anything, but it's just nice to sleep at my own place....especially in this awfully cold weather, i need some heat. I have been cold ALLLL day.
Anyways, nothing else to say here. Just know all is good....and only TWO MORE ROUNDS. YES!! :)
thanks for all the prayers and good thoughts during this round. we're almost done with hospitalizations!!! :)
kim
I haven't been getting fevers or nauseated so overall, this has been a good round. Right now they would let me go but they have to see where my methotrexate level...which is the big dose of 24 hour chemo I go earlier. I guess that's the "dangerous" one that has side effects such as hair loss (duh), nausea, stomach pain, chest pain, confusion, dark stools...blah blah blah. nothing to which I've have had. IDK how they check my levels but my nurse said I could possibly get out a little later tonight. I know there is no rush to me getting out, it's not like i'll be doing anything, but it's just nice to sleep at my own place....especially in this awfully cold weather, i need some heat. I have been cold ALLLL day.
Anyways, nothing else to say here. Just know all is good....and only TWO MORE ROUNDS. YES!! :)
thanks for all the prayers and good thoughts during this round. we're almost done with hospitalizations!!! :)
kim
Monday, September 12, 2011
Day 166: Guess Who's Back....Back Again....
THAT's right.....it's that time again.....chemo ROUUUNNNDDD 6.
I didn't "prepare" the day/night before like I usually do thinking....oh, the hospital doesn't call me until around 4 anyway, I'll just pack tomorrow...and what happens?? You're right, OU called me at 8am telling me my bed is ready. awesome. And of course, I snoozed until about 10:30 off and on then finally got up and packed my stuff. My intention was to get here early enough to start the chemo ASAP.....and it's 11 now....and i'm just now starting. Not that I would do anything productive anyway but it was worth a shot. This time at the hospital I brought my lemon pepper and spices with me so I can spruce up the food. I totally forgot my taco bell sauces though....so no quesadilla's for me this round. By the end of all this, I'll be on professional chemo patient.
So anyways, I've been feeling great this week. No fevers, no nausea, no nothing. I even got the energy to run a mile a day last week and it was fabulous. Of course, I'll have to start back over as soon as I get out but I'm just thankful to have the energy to run....whereas some days I don't have the energy to shower everyday.
I'm completely wired right now because once again...i'm on the steroids for both my body and my eyes and my heart is racing. And I'm pretty sure as soon as I fall asleep, the nurse will pop in with more chemo at 2 or 3am. Oh the joys of the hospital. And on top of that, I'm in room in the middle of everything. I have an annoying neighbor whose TV i can hear through my wall and it's messing up my Jersey Shore Marathon I have going on. I guess that's karma for playing my music too loud last time I was in here. And I'm across the hall from the "family area." which is basically a room full of couches, a refrigerator, microwave, etc so everyone and their dogs are coming in and out of there all the time. Oh well, it's better than being stuck at the end of the hall and seeing no one. lol.
Okay well, I've got to get up and walk around or else I'm going to scream. haha. I'll write more tomorrow.
kim
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Day 161: Just Give Me The Benadryl Already
What an awful day for me. It started off "normal" and I went to work...yay! Packed my lunch, wore a fun dress, and was ready to offer my help to everyone....then at 9am...I got a phone call from my doctors nurse saying that my hemoglobin was low....a 6....noooooo! And she told me to go to the hospital at 10 to get 2 blood transfusions. Double noooooooo! So I left thinking I'd be back at work but nope. It's almost 3 now and I'm just now getting a chair to get the blood. They got me in around noon to draw my blood then they have to send it to lab to type my blood and that took fooorrreeevvveeerrr. Usually when I get transfusions I get typed and crossed the night before so the process is faster....but that would be asking too much.
Around 12:30 they told me it would take about 45 minutes 4 lab to get the blood products back so during that time I left the hospital and went to the store and got a burrito & drink and by the time I got back, the enTIre parking lot was FULL. So I had to take an alternate parking garage...
OK they just gave me a benadryl shot...I feel fuzzy all over and looney I can barely talk. Haha. I better get off here before I go crazy from this feeling.
GOODNIGHT!!
Kim
Around 12:30 they told me it would take about 45 minutes 4 lab to get the blood products back so during that time I left the hospital and went to the store and got a burrito & drink and by the time I got back, the enTIre parking lot was FULL. So I had to take an alternate parking garage...
OK they just gave me a benadryl shot...I feel fuzzy all over and looney I can barely talk. Haha. I better get off here before I go crazy from this feeling.
GOODNIGHT!!
Kim
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Day 160: 160 Days later.....
160 days later.......I'm back at WORK!!
I didn't do much today except record keeping. It was kinda lame and really boring BUT It felt good to be doing something other than laying around my apartment. And I don't mind doing paperwork because I actually like working by myself. haha weird right? It also felt nice to see all my Tafties and meet some of my new students. I got a lot of surprised faces and whispers about me from the kids but I didn't mind. And right after work I came home, cooked myself dinner, and crashed. My body was tired from not being lazy all day. :)
Anyways, my weekend was great. I went to Dallas and met up with my brother and it was good to see him. He took forever to get there but my friend Emily and I got some much needed shopping in. It was a nice little getaway and something I just needed to do.
As far as my health, everything is gravy. I haven't got a fever. I feel great. I started a light running again.....but I go back for more chemo next week. I hate when this happens. It feels like everything is going wonderful and then....SLAP.....back in the hospital to start over. :( BUT only THREE MORE......i'm on the downhill slide.
Okay well I'm SOOOOOOO tired and I need to get some good sleep in tonight since I didn't get much yesterday. :)
much love,
kim
I didn't do much today except record keeping. It was kinda lame and really boring BUT It felt good to be doing something other than laying around my apartment. And I don't mind doing paperwork because I actually like working by myself. haha weird right? It also felt nice to see all my Tafties and meet some of my new students. I got a lot of surprised faces and whispers about me from the kids but I didn't mind. And right after work I came home, cooked myself dinner, and crashed. My body was tired from not being lazy all day. :)
Anyways, my weekend was great. I went to Dallas and met up with my brother and it was good to see him. He took forever to get there but my friend Emily and I got some much needed shopping in. It was a nice little getaway and something I just needed to do.
As far as my health, everything is gravy. I haven't got a fever. I feel great. I started a light running again.....but I go back for more chemo next week. I hate when this happens. It feels like everything is going wonderful and then....SLAP.....back in the hospital to start over. :( BUT only THREE MORE......i'm on the downhill slide.
Okay well I'm SOOOOOOO tired and I need to get some good sleep in tonight since I didn't get much yesterday. :)
much love,
kim
Friday, September 2, 2011
Day156: greeeeeeeeaaattt news
It's 9:56 and I'm soooooo tired. Luckily I took some ambien and got somewhat of a good rest last night for my doctors appointment this morning.....and it went GREAT!
When my actual doctor came in she commented on the complexion of my skin and how dark I was. Lol. If you haven't seen me lately I'm DARK!! Lol. Then she commented it was probably because I actually have red blood cells. Lol.
Then our conversation went to how I was feeling and I told her about my two tired days and my nights I don't sleep.....it's normal. I guess if that's my biggest chemo problem, I'm doing alright. I then asked about working at the school in the main office doing administrative stuff and she said yes. Especially since both my fungal infection and bacteria infection didn't stem from the outside world....it was strictly my body having a war with itself and when my white counts were the lowest, the bacteria/fungal colony spread like wildfire....in turn, making me sick.but that's not gonna happen again because two things don't happen twice in this Navajo. :) I like to stick with what my friend Lisa told me when all of this got started and I was miserable with mouth sores.....she said "maybe your just getting the entire chemo experience. So once you have something you won't have to go thru it again and god is just getting the hard stuff out of the way so by the end, you'll have experienced it and you can move on." (yes Lisa you said this when I was in mercy b/c after you left it stuck with me and I wrote it down.)
Whenever I go thru difficult procedures or during the few times I'm actually feeling sick, I think of this and say....I only have to do this once in my life. Suck it up.
Oh I just have a different way of thinking....so anyways, back to what I was saying....I asked to partially work in the office @ school and she said yes!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! This is super exciting to me b/c I'm so bored @ home.....I need to get back into the swing of things and have a schedule. The doc said it may even help my sleeping habits....yay! So I guess I'll start working on Tuesday again....and even though I won't be working directly with my students, I'll at least be back in civilization....I'm so excited!! :)
Other than that, I got paperwork returned to me for some financial aid that I gave to the docs in the hospital. So i gotta finish that up and send it off and cross my fingers I get something......anything.
So overall...it's been a great productive day!! Now I'm sitting in the chemotherapy infusion center (where I usually go for CBC draws and shots) wait for a dose of my last chemo of cycle 5. It's just an injection push so after all these pre-fluids getin me it shouldn't take long.
Alright well this is an awesome start to my weekend and I even get to see my brother so Its gonna bea good one....I just know it...and I deserve it if I don't say so myself.
Hope everyone has a happy Friday!!!
Kim
When my actual doctor came in she commented on the complexion of my skin and how dark I was. Lol. If you haven't seen me lately I'm DARK!! Lol. Then she commented it was probably because I actually have red blood cells. Lol.
Then our conversation went to how I was feeling and I told her about my two tired days and my nights I don't sleep.....it's normal. I guess if that's my biggest chemo problem, I'm doing alright. I then asked about working at the school in the main office doing administrative stuff and she said yes. Especially since both my fungal infection and bacteria infection didn't stem from the outside world....it was strictly my body having a war with itself and when my white counts were the lowest, the bacteria/fungal colony spread like wildfire....in turn, making me sick.but that's not gonna happen again because two things don't happen twice in this Navajo. :) I like to stick with what my friend Lisa told me when all of this got started and I was miserable with mouth sores.....she said "maybe your just getting the entire chemo experience. So once you have something you won't have to go thru it again and god is just getting the hard stuff out of the way so by the end, you'll have experienced it and you can move on." (yes Lisa you said this when I was in mercy b/c after you left it stuck with me and I wrote it down.)
Whenever I go thru difficult procedures or during the few times I'm actually feeling sick, I think of this and say....I only have to do this once in my life. Suck it up.
Oh I just have a different way of thinking....so anyways, back to what I was saying....I asked to partially work in the office @ school and she said yes!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! This is super exciting to me b/c I'm so bored @ home.....I need to get back into the swing of things and have a schedule. The doc said it may even help my sleeping habits....yay! So I guess I'll start working on Tuesday again....and even though I won't be working directly with my students, I'll at least be back in civilization....I'm so excited!! :)
Other than that, I got paperwork returned to me for some financial aid that I gave to the docs in the hospital. So i gotta finish that up and send it off and cross my fingers I get something......anything.
So overall...it's been a great productive day!! Now I'm sitting in the chemotherapy infusion center (where I usually go for CBC draws and shots) wait for a dose of my last chemo of cycle 5. It's just an injection push so after all these pre-fluids getin me it shouldn't take long.
Alright well this is an awesome start to my weekend and I even get to see my brother so Its gonna bea good one....I just know it...and I deserve it if I don't say so myself.
Hope everyone has a happy Friday!!!
Kim
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Day 155: Over IT
Sorry my loyal readers but I've been enjoying my time OUT of the hospital. I haven't gotten sick or anything (YAY!) or felt crummy. I thought my hemoglobin might be low because whenever I would peel myself up from my bed or my couch and walk to the kitchen to get some food, I would be sooo out of breath. I felt like this the past two days but DON'T worry...I took it VERY easy and just sat in my apartment and slept most of the day. I finally made it out yesterday and went to Taft to print off stuff and also to the grocery store (FINALLY) for food....I love ramen noodles and all but after surviving off them, I needed a break. lol. Today I feel a lot better and a little more energized....just in time for the WEEKEND. I didn't do anything but continue to rest in my apartment because my sleep patterns are sooooo off! Since I've been napping like my cat all day I can't sleep at night and usually just stay up and watch my netflix. Last night I was up until the sun came up....it was nice. I sat outside on my balcony and watched the sun rise...it was relaxing. Then I crashed. lol.
Anyways, I got my counts printout on Monday and everything is looking GOOD. before I got my neulasta shot...which is a one time white cell booster shot....my Hemoglobin was at a 9.8....YAY!.....this means my blood infection is gone b/c I can finally produce my own blood!....my white cell was at a 4.5.....which is the "low" end of a normal person (4.0-11.0)....all on my OWN!.....and my platelets were completely normal for a normal person.....at a 239.....(normal is 140-440).
Tomorrow I'll go in for an actual doctors appointment at 9am.....hello ambien tonight.....and get my day 11 dose of chemo (its only a syringe type dose) to complete my 5th round and I'll be taking some steroids but nothing should change except my appetite....I'll be eating everything in sight! I'll also get my cbc results from wednesday and just kind of compare them and see how everything is changing. I will also be asking if I can return to work on the off days of chemo and isolate myself at a boring desk job to help out the office at the school get stuff back in order. I hope my doctor releases me because IDK if I can get any darker from being at the pool....and i'm just BORED at home when I do feel good and not tired. So we'll see.
Well other than that, it's LABOR DAY weekend and most of my friends have a 3 or 4 day weekend....so I'm off to Dallas for the weekend to meet up with my younger brother and I'm pretty excited. Just to get away. I haven't seen my brother since my Mercy Hospital days back in April so this should be nice to get away and be with family and have a good time. AND OU FOOTBALL STARTS ON SATURDAY!!! YAYYYY....
Then I'll have next week to hang out and then....round 6.....uuugggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Okay well, I need to go purchase a wig for the weekend because the wig I usually wear the most is getting disgusting so....why not?
I hope everyone has a fabulous day and I'll try to update more tomorrow after my doc's appt. :)
much love,
kim
Anyways, I got my counts printout on Monday and everything is looking GOOD. before I got my neulasta shot...which is a one time white cell booster shot....my Hemoglobin was at a 9.8....YAY!.....this means my blood infection is gone b/c I can finally produce my own blood!....my white cell was at a 4.5.....which is the "low" end of a normal person (4.0-11.0)....all on my OWN!.....and my platelets were completely normal for a normal person.....at a 239.....(normal is 140-440).
Tomorrow I'll go in for an actual doctors appointment at 9am.....hello ambien tonight.....and get my day 11 dose of chemo (its only a syringe type dose) to complete my 5th round and I'll be taking some steroids but nothing should change except my appetite....I'll be eating everything in sight! I'll also get my cbc results from wednesday and just kind of compare them and see how everything is changing. I will also be asking if I can return to work on the off days of chemo and isolate myself at a boring desk job to help out the office at the school get stuff back in order. I hope my doctor releases me because IDK if I can get any darker from being at the pool....and i'm just BORED at home when I do feel good and not tired. So we'll see.
Well other than that, it's LABOR DAY weekend and most of my friends have a 3 or 4 day weekend....so I'm off to Dallas for the weekend to meet up with my younger brother and I'm pretty excited. Just to get away. I haven't seen my brother since my Mercy Hospital days back in April so this should be nice to get away and be with family and have a good time. AND OU FOOTBALL STARTS ON SATURDAY!!! YAYYYY....
Then I'll have next week to hang out and then....round 6.....uuugggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Okay well, I need to go purchase a wig for the weekend because the wig I usually wear the most is getting disgusting so....why not?
I hope everyone has a fabulous day and I'll try to update more tomorrow after my doc's appt. :)
much love,
kim
this is the new cancer center at OU....it's SOOOO nice outside and even better inside....sometimes I just hang out there after my appt's just because it's so peaceful and stinkin' nice. :)
these are HALF of the prescriptions that I have accumulated. I'm at the point now that I won't even have to take my prescriptions to be filled....i just have to look through these. GEEZ.
these are flowers my sister sent me all the way from Afghanistan (she's deployed). So when I got out of the hospital on Friday....they were waiting for me to get home. It was such a rough treatment (compared to others) and I was a little down but these perked me right up!! :)
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