Day 276: life goes on....

**quick health update: maintenance chemo is going good. Hardest part is my stomach gets upset often taking so many pills. Hopefully, I'll get this straightened out during my next doc appointment. According to my most recent CBC and CMP labs....All my counts are NORMAL!!!!!! actually I lied.....my white count is HIGHER than normal. :) sooo that makes me super woman right?? Also, I'm back to running a least a 5k day...I may run theOKC half marathon in April. 13 months from my diagnosis. I'm not awesome or anything. Lol.** end health update**

Right now, i am on a flight to the US Virgin Islands....my post cancer celebration with my sister. This will be exactly like the dream that in had back in April when I was diagnosed.....I dreamt of being somewhere tropical in December....and I can't believe it's happening now. Cancer is behind me.

I can't believe it's almost been a year since my life was thrown into a snow globe and shaken up until it almost broke. Yes, that's a weird analogy but that's truly how it felt. Words can't describe the emotions I went through during this past year.

I've grown so much as person and I feel like I'm one of the few people who understands what life might be about. And now that I've had this experience, all I can do is help people find their way. No I'm not a miracle worker or like a thousand times smarter than I was, but I feel like all of this was just a big life lesson. At least that's what I took away from it. and now, it's my turn to maybe teach someone, something. And if I don't, then I'm okay with that because I have gained new friends, stronger friends, new relationships, got rid of ones I don't need, and at the end of the day, I learned. 

That probably made no sense and I know I didn't say what I learned but just know, I did. 

Anyways, all of this "success" really should be credited to my amazing support group. My friends who offered whatever they could to help me out including rides, food while I was in the hospital, a few words of encouragement when I really needed it (and even when I didn't), and simple texts, calls, emails, and visits while I was locked away being poisoned. It was simple gestures that meant a lot and it really helped me get through the hard days. And everyone who knows me well, knows I'm not an affectionate person at all nor do I say thank you as much as I should....but don't worry, it's coming. It just has to be perfect. 

So during these past 274 days, I've literally went through hell. Luckily, I looove hot weather so from day 1: I was ready. I've been doing a lot of re-reading of my blogs and i have impressed myself. Now that I realized what I just went through and how serious it was, it makes me cry when I read about myself....yeah, you can call it being vain but at the same time, I didn't know anything else. I thought it was all a joke and in the movies they totally Hollywood-ized it by making cancer seem like it was the end of the road. But with my new found knowledge and with the help of those who I met along the way on the same path as me, I realized I was a freak. I mean,who really goes running and works out during chemo treatments?? Especially when the day before I could barely make it through 
Wal-mart in the automatic cart thingy? My explanation: it wasn't my time and God knew that I could handle it. He wanted me to pass on my experiences....through this blog, by word of mouth, by example....by anything and everything I experienced. 

I can remember every little detail about every experience I had. I remember sending Emily to get art supplies while I was in mercy hospital because it wad heathers birthday and I got the most joy out of making a card for her. I remember the morning of my first bone marrow biopsy. It was a Friday morning and emily woke up early with me and I was wheeled down. I was soo ready to count backwards from 10 and determined to make it to zero as soon as they injected me with stuff to knock me out...I didn't. Lol. And the next thing I knew it was about an hour and a half later and I woke up to the nurse rubbing my hand trying to wake me up asking if i was okay. I'll never forget the panic looked on her face.. I knew something was wrong. she told me I woke up and they had complications with getting any bone marrow out. I had to be stuck 4 times. Of course, I didn't know what ANY of that meant but I said....okay, well at least you finally got it. 

And of course, I remember my emotional breakdowns I randomly had about my hair. That's when I knew it was real. I tried to hold onto it as much as possible but I ended up shedding just as much as my cat, Einstein. So, Lisa, shaved my head for me and I'm so glad she was the one to do it. I tried my hardest not to cry but ultimately I did shed a few tears but I tried to be discrete  about it...but I think everyone knew how hard it was for me. Then I remember the first time I wore a wig. I was constantly freaking out because I felt like everyone just KNEW that it wasn't my hair. But I was just very very paranoid....another common side effect of losing your hair. But eventually, I started buying hair that reminded me of my hair, and that was a much easier transition. Now, I'm a pro at wigs and I'm not gonna lie, I'm gonna miss having perfect hair all the time. And not having to shave my legs, that was always nice.

Next I remember my awful fungal infection. I was so sick but I never wanted to admit it. I didn't want help and when i got so sick that I had to depend on others 100%.....I knew that I hit rock bottom. My greatest fear was that I would never be able to use my legs again. And that I had waited too long to tell anyone my symptoms, so it was my fault. But after a few days of torture, my physical therapy god came and I was determined to do my best...because what every competitive person knows, you get what you put into it. I was serious about PT. Then a few days out of the hospital, feeling like a baby giraffe, I started walking on my own and eventually got back into jogging at granny pace. That was probably one of my proudest moments. 

Then of course,my dang hot wings kick. Idk what the deal was but I want to thank all my friends who shared wings with me at any int during the past 7 months...I know I was a bit ridiculous about it but MAN, those cravings were no joke. I have such awesome friends, all I had to do was tell someone I wanted wings (or broadcast it on Facebook) and BAM, people were at buffalo wild wings waiting for ME! :) 

Well anyways, at this point, I'm just rambling....I'm sure a lot of people heard all of these stories a million times. I could go on for days about all this but that's why I documented on this blog.

Unfortunately, it has to end. This will be the last post to the Kim Begay blog. There just isn't enough stuff happening to be concerned about anymore (a good thing right??)

So to all my faithful readers who have been with me since day 1: thank you. There were days that I didn't feel like updating this thing because it was so sad but knowing that I had people all over the WORLD reading this every single morning (or night) made me keep going. I know there are people who read this that see me often but there are also those who I've never met on here or even know that actually read this thing. I hope everyone takes something from this blog or passes it on to someone who it may help. If that happens, it has served it's purpose and ill be the happiest person in the world. I hope that those who have been following me (all along or just started) leave a "comment." I'd love to know just how many creepy people are put there.....hahaha just kidding. But seriously, please do. 

To my friends: I love you all and I seriously owe you my life. That's a strong statement but it's honestly the truth. I would've never made it this far without your support. Thank you for not judging me and reassuring me that people will love me for me. And if they don't, they're not worth my time. Life is too short. Way too short. 

For those battling cancer: God won't put you through anything you can't handle. Through Him you can conquer anything. I'm not gonna lie and say it's going to be easy and you won't have bad days....because you will. It's how you handle it and your attitude that will make a world of a  difference. And when you are having a good day, enjoy it...it's the memories of the good days that will help you get through the bad ones. 

I love you all.

I'm about to enjoy my well deserved tropical trip.

Xoxo

Kim Begay
Cancer SURVIVOR


"Be kind to everyone because you never know." -Milford Clayton

Day 257: Daaaannnngggg....

It's been FOREVER since I've updated my blog! I'm sorry to all my loyal readers....life has just been busy. I had a mini scare for a second and I thought my blog was LOST, how you ask? Well I tried to sign in but it wasn't taking my username and password. I freaked out for a second and my heart rate went up. But turns out, they were trying to get me to use my gmail account to log on and it was just weird.

ANYWAYS, I took a little time to go back to a few of my blog posts and MAN what a journey it has been. A couple of those posts I read today I don't even remember writing!! GEEZ. But nonetheless, it's always good to go back and reflect. After each blog, it left me wanting to read more, so I can see how some of you have become "addicted." lol. And I'm hilarious. I think so anyways.

So I had a doctors appointment on the 28th of November and its purpose was to discuss my maintenance chemo. I had some questions about work, the transplant, and even general exam questions, like what to do if I get sick, do I ALWAYS have to go into the hospital...for like, the rest of my life? You know, the normal stuff.

So what I'll be doing is a 28 day cycle of this chemo stuff. On day one (which starts on the 19th) I'll get a small dose of vinkristine via IV. If the cancer center has their stuff together that day, the whole process should take about an hour (including check-in/wait time). If you remember, the vinkristine is responsible for the finger tingling I got during my last dose of chemo.The feeling is gone now but still, it's annoying....I hope it doesn't happen EVERY time. THEN days 1-5 after the vinkristine, I'll be on a steriod (i assume) called prednisone. it'll only be 50 mg so it's not a big deal. THEN on days 1, 8, 15, and 22, I'll take a 7.5mg tablet of Methotrexate. And then there is a script I can't read so I'll be taking something else as well....awesome right??

well it's wayy better than being in the hospital...i'll take this ANYDAY.

So an update on my hair....it's GROWING. my eyelashes are visible now and i'm almost to the point of wearing mascara again!! AHHHHH.........how i missed that. My head hair is slowly but surely growing...it looks like a glow is around my head because the hair is so thin and soft. I'm no where near looking not bald but.....at this point, I'm used to the wigs and the baseball caps. It doesn't phase me at all. I started working again (YAY!!) and even at school i've been to school with nothing but a baseball cap and a smile before. The kids understand and I think it's cool that they're experiencing this. i mean how many kids can say, OH I remember my 8th grade teacher just finished cancer treatments...blah blah blah. Its something I know they'll always remember. It's funny too because one kid said....Umm Miss Begay?? What was the deal with your hair yesterday? (talking about the day i only wore a baseball cap to class). I reminded him that I talked about having cancer and how chemo makes you lose your hair. Then i said....did you not wonder why my hair looked different everyday?? And he said, well no, I don't pay attention to hair. haha. it was great.

THEN we have the difficult kids of the world...after my day starting off HORRIBLE.....and i mean HORRIBLE....I made it to school and was prepared to stomp on a kid if he/she even looked at me the wrong way. And me and this student got into an argument over how much classroom money he could spend in the "auction" we have in my class every quarter. He claimed I was cheating and all that. I have had problems with this kid since DAY 1 when I arrived back at school. He mumbles under his breath EVERY TIME something is said....and it's annoying. As a teacher, you KNOW he is saying awful things, talking back, cursing you or someone else out, or just being down right disrespectful....so anyways, I've sort of "accepted" that he does that. The best piece of advice I got from someone about teaching was to pick your battles. And honestly, me fighting with him and saying "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY..." EVERYDAY and all day...wasn't really worth it. So instead, I just give him a hard time, mumble a little under my breath (nothing rude) and move on. He hated that when I gave him a taste of his own medicine....So anyways, we got into a little argument, I sent him back to his seat and he began to mumble...and just when I thought we could continue with the auction, he said it....out loud so all his friends could hear him and so he could be the center of attention....

"I'm gonna knock that wig off her head..."

and of course the tables that he was around, all laughed. I froze. I couldn't believe what he had just said. So i called him back to the front of the room....moved to my desk and pulled out a referral form. I was going to handle the situation by letting him know what I was going to do but nope, he just had to keep talking about how unfair i was being and that he didn't say that. So next thing to do....take it outside. I told him to go outside, I marched behind him and as soon as we got out there, i let him have it. I made him feel guilty, made him mad, and even got to the root of why he doesn't like me. All in all, I wasn't so much hurt about the rude comment he made....it was more of a breaking point because i constantly get disrespected by him and i had it. After about 10 minutes of talking at him and keeping him from talking by threatening to write down every word he says, I hopefully got through to him and helped him realize i'm not a bad person. ANYWAYS, he got a 5 day suspension and that was that. crazy right? Hopefully he learned and I know that after I let teachers know what he said, they were livid.

Alright well i'm teaching intersession for three days M,T and W and i have no idea what I'm doing....awesome right?? Time to get on this thing. Love you all and sorry again for the lack of updating....just know everything is going AWESOME. :)

xoxo
kim

Day 234: TGIF and TGFI

Yay for Friday!I don't care who you are and what you do and if you have to go back to work in the morning....Friday feels good. And what's TGFI you ask?? Thank God for Insurance!! Wrds can't being to describe how lucky I am because I have insurance....yes, I complained aout having to pay it every month...but what 22 year old fresh out of college in their first "big person" job wouldn't? well my friends, I'm so glad I didn't skimp on the insurance because it's saving my butt right now.

Okay here's why...well yesterday I was suppose to get a blood transfusion, according to my doctors PA (who called me Wednesday afternoon) but then OU Prebyterian called me and said they didn't have room for me on Thursday so they can do it Friday. I agreed and said see you at 8. They told me it would be a quick process since I just got platelets on Tuesday so I wouldn't have to get typed and screened. Well, now that I'm here....they lied. I showed up with the same blood band that I wore on Tuesday and they still had to draw my blood and now I'm waiting for it to be tested so I can get some blood in me. The whole thing is an hour long process. ANYWAYS....before I got here I figured that I have to check in at the patient admission desk and alla that....but once I got in there, the guy said...oh you have insurance, once you check in for the month, you don't even have to mes with us. You can go strait up to the infusion room.....WHAT?! why did no one tell me this? I know this doesn't seem like a big deal but it really is. Oh and another reason I'm thankful for insurance....on Monday when I was hanging out at the cancer center waiting to be called back to get the regular a regular CBC (complete blood count, for the newbies) this guy was standing at the desk talking to the front desk lady and she said....okay today you owe $280 for the Neulasta shot. Will you be paying all of it today? WHAT?!?!?! dang, I thought those things were free!! I've never been charged for them or even had anyone start a sentence with the words, "today you owe..."

**Neulasta is a shot you get in the stomach or arm right after you finish your round of chemo. It's purpose is to help your body produce mature white blood cells faster. The shot works over 7 days so you don't have to get a shot everyday. I've had about 5 shots during treatment.

So if you think about this....just for a shot in the stomach....I would've owed $1400. I can only imagine all this CBC draws...cpm draws...and chemo. Im Thankful for young Kim and her thought processes to get a good insurance.

Alrit well, I was suppose to have a doctors appointment today to figure out some things BUT I'm stuck in this dang hospital. I called and they said if I get out before two, come straight over. So doc appt will be played by ear. I haven't got any newe CBC results so idk about my counts. I've been in the gym everyday for 6 days and its getting a little easier everday. I'm starting to fast walk more as opposed to running because I'm still sooo out of shape. I try to add a minute everyday to my jog (I'm up to 8 minutes of running) and it seems to be helping. I enjoy lifting weights again and on Wednesday night I realized I can spend 2 hours in the gym and not be bored...just like old times. So hopefully after this blood, I'll have more energy to do more things.

Alright well, I'm about to get off this thing and take a nap. I don't sleep well these days and I'm sooo tired. I bought ne flannel sheets yesterday and was actually excited to get in bed and enjoy the freshness of them and thought I'd go right to sleep.....wrong. Instead, I watched reruns of jersey shore and the real world. Lol. And now, I'm paying for it.

Well, I hope everyone has a fabulous Friday. As soon as I get more updates on why the heck my counts are so low...I'll let you know. :)

Much love,

Kim


P.s. My arms hurt so bad from all the sticking. So I'm thankful for PICC lines....even though I dont have one right now...I miss mine.

Day 232: My Halloween Decorations Are Still Up

Yes, that's right. My apartment still looks like Halloween threw up. During my "recovery" time this round, I've always had no energy to be climbing around taking stuff down...my solution? Don't invite people over. haha.

So update since Monday night...I got a call early Tuesday morning from my doctor's nurse telling me my platelets were LOW (i called it!). She told me to get to the hospital within the hour to get a platelet transfusion. Well I got there around 10, checked in, and waited. I was at the regular hospital (not edmond) and I swear they are slow like molasses. EVERYTHING took 5x longer than it should. and there wasn't even a lot of people in there! lame right? Well anyways, I got started around 1pm and I got two units of platelets and MAN OH MAN does it make a difference! My scar thingys seems to be healing quicker and i can finally brush my teeth without the PAIN I felt before. And my nose isn't bleeding every 2 minutes...yay. So that was Tuesday....

Today I went in around 2:30 to get my normal cbc blood test and they had to stick me with a needle once again. UGHH...the nurse made the comment to me, "well if I didn't know you were getting chemo, I would assume you did a lot of drugs from all these bruises on your arms." WELL THANKS LADY. lol. I kinda laughed it off and came back with....Well, they aren't as bad as Julia Roberts in Steel Magnolias....cricket.:.cricket:......

WHY DON'T PEOPLE GET MY JOKES???!! lol

anyways, after I got my quick test, I requested for a printout of my results from MONDAY's cbc....and yeeeahhh.............

My white count was.....0.1 (ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......it's been like this SINCE i got out of the hospital)
          **GOOD NEWS though....nurse called today and said they moved to 0.5 today..on their own)

My Red count was 2.69 (normal: 3.9 - 5.10) ----> getting there.

My Hemoglobin on Monday was a 8.4 (remember I got a blood transfusion on Friday)
          **BAD NEWS....they went DOWN to a 7.4 according to today's cbc

My Platelet Count was a 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **reminder..."normal" is 140-440
          **another reminder....when I was FIRST diagnosed.....my platelet count was an 8.

My potassium was a little lower than normal...but I got me some potassium pills to fix that problemo.

So with this being said....TOMORROW....i will have ANOTHER blood transfusion. UGGGHHHHHH......
IDK what's going on with my body. My theory is that with all these infections I had while in the hospital and the random "spots" on my legs that are now in the "healing" process...my body had to work OVERTIME to repair them.

I go to the doctor on Friday so these issues I'm SURE will be discussed. For now....I just spend TWO hours in the gym and burned about 900 calories (low hemoglobin and all) so I'm wiped out. I'm about to crank up the heater, break out the heating pad, and put on some comfortable PJ's.....and call it a night. It's been a LONG day and tomorrow is gonna be even longer.

I'll keep you updated on everything.

**EXTRA SIDE NOTE: I FEEL GREAT. no lie. I've been to the gym everyday since Saturday. I started out running but now have opted to fast walking on an incline and it's brutal. I lift weights as well and I can't tell you how much better I feel and how much better I eat. If I can do it, you can do it.

**EXTRA EXTRA side note....I know what my Halloween costume will be next year....SUPERWOMAN! yeah buddy! :)

love you all, good night.

Kim

Day 230: Come ON counts...I need to get back to me.

No big updates here. I've spent most (if not all) of my days in my apartment rotting. You'd think with all this time spent in here, it would be spotless....well, it's quite the opposite. I spend most of my days laying around until about 2ish when i go and get my blood drawn at the Cancer Center. 

My white counts are still low. My theory is that my white counts are working overtime to heal all these dang spots/sores on my legs that they can't go up until it's cleared up. My platelets are still UBER low and I don't need a blood test to tell me that. My nose is constantly bleeding, I have bruises all over my legs, it looks like someone took a bat to me, my gums bleed quite a bit whenever I brush my teeth, no matter how soft my brush is, and the newest thing....I have a "skin rash" called petechiae and they're harmless. According to my research and what the chemo/infusion nurse, its basically bleeding beneath the skin. And since I don't have platelets nor a tear in my skin to let it out, it just looks like a rash. It doesn't itch, it's not raised...and it will go away on its own once my platelets return to somewhat "normal" or at least higher than an 18. awesome right?

On a positive note, I got a blood transfusion on Friday and since then, I've been feeling AWESOME. I just finished "day 3" of working out and it feels soooooo good to be "running" again and to be lifting weights. I requested to go to Edmond for my transfusion because there the whole process is a lot more cushy. if that even makes sense. Instead of being thrown in a big room with others going through chemo or having transfusions, I get my own private room with my own private bathroom. I get to order lunch and have anything I want. And since my insurance covers it, why not? I got two units of blood and MAN OH MAN was it hard to get the IV started. I already have small veins (according to my nurse) but to add to it, I've been stuck so many times this whole almost two weeks that it's hard to find a "spot" that hasn't already been taken. So after being stuck 4...yes 4 times, they got an IV started, gave me my benadryl, and next thing I knew, I woke up and was ready to party! lol.

Alright well it's 12:30am right now and I'm getting tired, I"ll leave you all with some pictures to see what's going on with my skin. It's pretty gross but....it'll go away soon. Pray that it does. good thing it's winter!!

I love you all and have a good day. :)

Kim

 this is my left inner leg. The spots cover mainly below my knee and bits and pieces on my arms but nothing this extreme.

 This is my Right inner calf. it's a lot worse than the other leg and also has bruises as friends to go with it. I wonder if running and putting pressure on my legs is a possible cause for the severity of the outbreak....hmm

 this is my left inner knee/lower thigh. As you can see the black spots are part of the random skin outbreak I had in the hospital. The doctors still don't know what caused it. Those spots are mainly around my knee area but also have popped up on my upper arms and even my hands. But the good thing is they are scabbing over and healing. And of course...I have bruises like those you see all over my upper thighs. It's kind of growing together to form one big bruise....I need PLATELETS!!! ahhhhh....

Getting my blood transfusion on friday, my nurse got tape happy. and you can see where another nurse tried to start the IV but it didn't work out.

 this is what my nails look like now. they're purple and have lines of darkness that shows when I had methatrexate in my system (the killer that stole my hair, eyebrows, eyelashes, and made my skin ugly!). But no worries, as soon as my nails start growing back, they'll go back to normal. :) Doctors are fascinated by this, I guess it's rare to find patients whose nails actually do this b/c every time they see it, they like to bring others in and show them.

And last but not least....the most recent picture of me. I was on my way to the cancer center to get my blood drawn. Face puffiness has went DOWN and my gums don't hurt anymore...i can't FINALLY SMILE AGAIN!! YAY!! :) god is good.

Day 225: It can only go UP from here...

Three days out of the hospital....and I'm feeling okay. I'm tired (fatigue) from probably a low hemoglobin. How I know this?? Well after almost 8 months of chemo, you really get to know your body. And it passed my hand/palm test. I feel like I look pale too. And as I make my daily Ramen Noodles, my trip from my couch or my bed to my kitchen is hard work. By the time I get to my kitchen, find a pot, fill it with water, open the package of ramen noodles, turn on the stove and wait....I'm TIRED. I usually have a stool I carry with me around the apartment (sad I know) so I can sit anywhere. For instance, when I make a sandwich, it's a lot of work and I just cant seem to stand the entire time while assembling it (unless I have blood) so I usually sit down by the fridge (on my stool) and make it. Sounds sooo weird but you quickly have to make accommodations for yourself if you live by yourself. But it'll all soon be back to normal and I can be normal again. lol.

Right now, I'm having some weird symptoms from the treatment. I don't have my normal metallic taste in my mouth, so food tastes normal....but I do have a god awful soreness to my mouth. Like it's on the verge of mouth sores but nothing like that has formed. It sorta hurts to talk and definitely to eat solid foods. Well I shouldn't say hurts...it's really really uncomfortable. It hurts to brush my teeth and when I rinse my mouth (which happens every TWO hours and after anything I eat). I just keep telling myself, "this is the last time I have to do this." 

Also, I've been having random pain in my abdomen that only lasts for about 10 seconds. I can't tell if I'm hungry or what. I don't eat a lot of food as it is so when I take medications this could be a side effect....or IDK if it has anything to do with my liver?? I've been keeping a log of times when it hurts and it seems to getting better. The pain is like...when your really really hungry and your stomach starts to growl and you feel like you can eat your arm....plus the side cramp feeling you get while your exercising (from the greasy unhealthy food you're suppose to stay away from) and it feels like you just need to use the restroom or lay down and curl up in a ball. lol. we've all been there before. Only its in my abdomen area rather than my side. 

I've also been waking up SUPER early. I'm trying not to take sleeping pills unless I absolutely have to because I don't want to get addicted to them. So far it's working out. I just wish I had enough blood in me to go for a run while I'm up at weird hours of the morning (weird for me, not for normal working people).

anyways, other than that, life at home has been good. I'm about to get ready, bundle up, and brave the cold to visit a few of my co-workers at school....i missed them so much!! :)

kim

Day 222: It's Like I Won The Lottery!

LUCKY NUMBER 222 it is!! I FINALLY GET TO GO HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Which means....yes, i missed my wiggin out party....it had to be postponed. But that's okay, we rescheduled for next week. After talking with the medical student and the residents about my liver enzymes....i'm still confused what's going on. From what I got and understood (yes I asked a million questions) I had a high level most likely because I was on so many medications...PLUS chemotherapy. It was a risk to take when they started treatment but I would rather have got it all done and stay a few days after rather than two individual hospital stays...etc. They researched my meds i've been on and the prilosec was the med that I was taking that had a rare chance of causing high liver enzymes....So their solution is that since I feel great...and I'm BORED out of my mind here, I'll just have my normal cbc blood tests and another mbc (??-i already forgot what it's called-but it'll test my liver levels??) on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday (normal post chemo stuff) and go in for my neulasta shot (white cell booster). They didn't put a picc line back in so I guess I'll be getting stuck with a needle all the time (great) but I've been doing it the past two days so I think I'll survive.

I got some information on the type of infection I got...its called Enterobacter Clacae.....and after googling it a little.....I'm still confused what it is and where it came from. haha. But the important thing is....I'm getting treated for it and it should be gone soon. YES!

I guess my next steps would be to see a fertility specialists and see what that is all about and then...wait for my brothers bone marrow tests to come back. Hopefully he's a match and I can get that out of the way and then, let the hair growing begin!! lol.

For now, I'm waiting for my nurse to come back with discharge papers (she has been awesome) and then I'm outta here and gonna go get some hideaway pizza!! I've been having dreams about hideaway (weird I know) so I think it's time to go. And I have to check on my cat, Einstein, because he survived the TWO EARTHQUAKES we had.....cats are weird creatures anyway, but Einstein is so dramatic that he's probably still freaking out. I love him anyway.

So the earthquake was CRAZY last night!! I just finished watching the OSU game because Sara brought me Arby's....and we were watching the news and the nurse was in my room refilling my water (for sara) and then...my bed started shaking first...then EVERYTHING ELSE. Like were talking the doors, the curtains, the paper towels, the towels hanging up, MY BED, the IV post, it was creepy....and lasted a good 30 seconds or something. Then my night nurse started freaking out a little....which made me freak out a little....and Sara was just like....THIS IS SOOO COOL....I'M IN AN EARTHQUAKE. lol. Nurses just shouldn't freak out. I know that they're people and all but that's just like when a student asks teachers questions and expects you to know all the answers even if it doesn't pertain to your subject (example: asking a math teacher -me- about homework in their history class or god forbid, English class) If you don't know the answer, they say, but you're a teacher, you're suppose to know everything!! haha.

Anyways, I'm SOO glad to be walking out of this place. I have a love-hate relationship with hospitals. They saved my life but they're so boring! They really need to have like arts and crafts or something available for people like me. haha. I just hope that I am done for a LONG time with hospitals. You never know with blood transfusions and whatever else...but for now, I'm happy to LEAVE. :)

Okay well, I'm going to start packing so as soon as they come in with my papers....i'm outta here!

god is good. much love.
kim

Day 221: Can I Go Home Already?!

OMG.........I'm still in the dang hospital! Ahhh!! I'm officially going crazy from boredom and I'm probably on the verge of starvation. I ordered breakfast about an hour ago (simple toasted bagel and cereal) and nothing. Luckily, I stock up on fruits to snack on between meals so I have an orange to eat to hold me over until then.

Anyways, they took out my picc line yesterday because, go figure, it was the source of my infection. I guess the plastic being in my blood grew something. So I'm picc line-less and if feels great! I finally showered and scrubbed my arm and now I feel clean! The bad news is that when I go in and get cbc stuff they WILL have to stick me....ahhhhh!! Maybe it won't be bad.

So right now they restarted my fluids (they stopped them yesterday morning) because my liver enzymes (i think) were too high. I told EVERYONE about my wiggin out party tonight (everyone who comes has to wear a wig) to celebrate chemo being over and the doctors are doing everything they can to get me out of here. My nurse today is also awesome and really on top of things. I had her earlier in the week and told her about the party and she has been pushing for me to go home as well. Just another reason that being nice to everyone is a good thing around here....and I guess the fact that I don't ask for anything, ever helps too. :)

Other than that, since they found specifically where my infection is coming from and what it is, they will be able to give me an oral antibiotic that I can continue at home. (YES!)

Okay well I'll update later on what happens. Pray and send happy thoughts that my liver stuff goes down so I can get out of here!! Until then, I'm going to lay here, watch Lean On Me, and wait.

much love,
kim

Day 219: Cancer? check!

CHEMOTHERAPY IS OFFICIALLY OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i just got my last dose around 2pm today...and went over two hours....it was glorious.

I thought I'd be a lot more emotional but I'm not. That just meant, I was ready and it was my time for it to be over. I asked about my picc line and they weren't sure but the response I got was that even though chemo drugs itself is done, for about two weeks I still have to get labs done, I'll still feel awful some days, and probably still need blood transfusions. So unless I want to be stuck with a needle every M,W, F and whenever I need blood......I'll just keep it in. What's another couple days. So really, I don't think of myself being totally done YET.....even though I am.....It'll be more "real" to me once I get this thing out of my arm and I'm feeling normal on my own. :)

Anyways, today was totally uneventful. I'm SOOOOOOOO tired because no one lets me sleep around here and when I try to...i have to use the restroom or I'm cold or I get hot or I'm hungry or I get a text message....SOMETHING. I was hoping to get out today but the attending doctor was out today and they had a cover...aka someone who knows nothing about whats REALLY going on right now. So I'll bother the attending doctor tomorrow....I like this doctor and he usually works with me so we'll see what happens.

I'm hoping that I actually get sleep tonight since chemo is OVER but we'll see. they always have me doing something.

Well that's all I got for today. I wish it was more exciting but I can't help that.

It's been a LOOOOOOOONNNNGGGGGG hard road for me but I survived....and have a pretty good blog (from what I've been told) to tell the story. Right now I can't believe I just went through this whole thing. It literally seems like just a few days ago I was sitting in Mercy Hospital wondering what was wrong with me and how I thought I'd be going back to work in a week or something. Well.....219 days later, we have arrived at the light at the end of the tunnel and all I can do right now is smile. :)

I can't wait for my hair, eyelashes, and eyebrows to grow back....i sure have missed them....and for these god awful skin rashes to go away. I still have about a month of recovery and all that but....I'm never going to have to spend nights in the hospital for chemo again. and that my friends....is awesome.

I want to thank everyone one of my loyal readers who has followed me since diagnosis. I feel like I had a lot of people follow my journey because of this blog. There were days that seemed impossible to get through and somewhere in there I gained the strength to make it....and i credit all that positive energy towards those who read and followed my blog religiously.Because through my blog I know I got daily prayers, positive thoughts, and overall positive energy sent my way when I needed it the most...and even when I thought I didn't.

 Even people I don't know who have probably creeped on my blog or stumbled on my blog because they became fascinated with this random girls life....I'm glad there was something that kept them coming back because in the future, you just never know if this could help you or someone you know get through a rough time.

And for my students and loving coworkers....not even co-workers, friends, at the best school in the world.....thank you. I cannot even begin to say how much of my drive and positive energy should be credited to you. Students....it makes me tear up that I had to miss some of your most important 8th grade events because I was sick. I tried my hardest to stay in touch because I didn't want you all to have the negative perception that comes with the scary word "cancer." I wanted to teach (go figure!) you to turn something bad into something good and that happiness is really about your attitude and not necessarily a destination. Some of the best advice and words of encouragement came from you all through your cards, letters, pictures, and even hospital visits. It made me realize how much of a family we really were (fights, arguments, jokes, and all) inside the best purple classroom ever. All the stories that I hear from the teachers about your concern for me made my hospital days worth it because I knew with every hospital visit....I was that much closer to getting back into the classroom and continuing my lesson. I hope you all have taken something away from this and will remember it for a lifetime....I mean, how many other students can say that their 8th grade teacher was SO awesome that she beat cancer at 24? :)

And last but never least....my backbone through this ENTIRE thing. Emily, Debbie, Sarah, Sara, Krystina, Heather, and Lisa. You ladies have been my absolute rock. From the late night runs to the Emergency Room, the long hospital nights & early mornings we had together, the random chemo cravings you all had to put up with (we probably ate a thousand wings), the long talks that either ended in tears or laughter, the decorations for my room when I needed it the most, the birthday party, kim out of the hospital, kim going into the hospital celebrations and everything in between....I could never have done it without you. I literally owe you my life.

I could seriously go on for days about all the people who have helped me get through this journey....but I'm tired. I'll continue more tomorrow but for now, I'm barely keeping my eyes open and dry (yeah, i started to tear up....so what??) So for now....I'm going to look at chemo and cancer as something else on my list of life accomplishments and simply check it off....and move on. Next stop.....Maui Marathon!! :)

We did it....

219 days later....

I can say....I'm a survivor.

:)

Have a good day...be thankful..
love,
kim

Day 218: One More Day!! :)

So I guess I'm finishing up "day 2" of chemo and I feel great....better now than I did when I was on my own. Haven't had any fevers today or overnight. I'm just cold. A little better than yesterday because I actually have blood in me today but I'm really regretting forgetting my blanket at home. oh well. they stocked me up on lame hospital blankets so I'm okay for now. I started wearing a scarf to sleep in and it keeps slipping around on my head. lol. I got used to wearing them when I first lost my hair but now...they're just uncomfortable....i like my baseball caps....so much easier. Anyways, nothing new to report today. They changed my antibiotics because something about gram negative rods growing....don't know what that means but they said it only grew from the picc line cultures sooo....does that mean the picc line is coming out?? Idk what's going on. it would be GREAT if it was...but they'll probably just replace it because I imagine I'll need blood transfusions and blood draws for a bit....I have a doctors appointment scheduled for the 23rd of November so I guess I'll find out then. I don't feel weird or anything....if anything i'm filling up quickly with fluids and my stomach has an ache but it's probably because I'm not really eating like crazy anymore. I don't really have an appetite unless i'm really hungry so I just kinda...don't eat. i know that's awful....especially being on chemo and all....but it's also hard to get food in this joint after 6pm. lame right?

The numbness/tingling in my fingers seems to be getting a little better?? i think. The pain is a bit stronger....like as I type this and put pressure on my finger tips....it feels like I'm waking up each finger from being asleep....and you know how the pain gets worse as it's waking up before it goes away....well i feel like my fingertips are in that awkward stage of "waking up."  that's the best way I can describe it....it's just weird.

Ummmm......other than that....nothing has really been going on. I got the energy to take a shower today. I know I always mention this but on this chemo stuff....it makes you aware of how much energy you use to take a shower. and when you have no blood....it's hard! So I'm always proud (as well as the nurses) when I actually have the energy to shower and can stand the entire time...little goals like that help get patients through the day.

The lady who i think is my neighbor.....was signing AGAIN ALL MORNING LOOOONNNGGG....ahhhh! So today I started playing lil wayne's new Carter IV album and she was quick to shut her door. yes!

Something else happened today and I took it as a reminder of how far a polite conversation can go....even if you dont want to have it. lol that sounds terrible but here's the story....last night was another night that I got VERY little sleep. If someone wasm't drawing my blood, they were asking for urine samples, or they were scanning my bracelet to give me meds...or they were trying to get a hold of my arm to switch IV medications or SOMETHING was going on....So by the time 7 rolls around......just as I'm falling back into a deep sleep....here come the string of doctors...they usually send in the medical students first and for me it's kind of cool becuase these med school students are usually around my age and with two friends in med school WITH these kids.....it's just neat. IDK WHY...i'm weird. anyways, so this guy comes in to do my morning interviews and he's a really nice guy. Very apologetic about waking me up and kinda makes it a little more pleasant...because believe me....i've done these interviews with a pillow over my head before because they're usually just annoying. So anyways, I guess he only had two patients and we ended up having like a 30 minute or so conversation about my students, taft, teachers, wearing wigs, bicycles, and just being in the hospital in general. It turns out that his mother had breast cancer and he related some of my stories to what his mom went through. We joked about how at the beginning of diagnosis...that first month....there was always TONS of visitors and people sending flowers and balloons....and all that stuff. We kinda laughed about it and I said...you know, you're right and i was thinking about that the other day...I mean....look around...I'm here alone probably 95% of the time...which I'm fine with but it was just funny. ANYWAYS....so later on after I had eaten lunch with my friend Erika who brought me some awesome subway, around 5pm....he came back! I was occupied with online window shopping and when he knocked on the door I totally ignored him expecting it was my nurse or housekeeping or something...but anyways, he brought me a get well balloon...just one...attached to nothing. I guess he was going home and remembered our extensive conversation and got one from the gift shop. It was such a nice gesture and it totally made my day. I remember in the hospital back in mercy Milford Clayton said to me "be kind to everybody. becuase you never know." And I guess just going an extra step with his patients or just listening to me talk about whatever was just nice. usually around here people rush in and out. I related all of this back to me (of course!) and my students. I guess it's sorta the same thing....the difference between a good teacher and a great teacher the kids will remember. Going a few extra steps. Yeah, it takes a little time and maybe some money....but it makes a world of differnce and this is just something I'll always remember...a lot like my visit with Mr. Clayton. He was awesome. He was so polite and just everything he did made sense. He really didn't have to visit me...he really didn't have to volunteer....but he did. and turns out....because I treated my class sponsors right (the senior adult group at a church) and went a little further for them (holiday signs, cards from the kids to the group) he took care of me (remember he was part of the group that "sponsored" my class). Its just crazy how this whole treatment has worked out....god works in mysterious ways. but he's good. god is good.

Anyways, just a cool story. so from that....remember, be kind to everyone, because you never know

Two days down....One to go.

I can do this.

218 days....god really is good.

thanks for the prayers and positive thoughts everyone has been sending my way. words cant describe how appreciative I am. :)

much love,
kim

Day 217: All I can say...it was halloween night

WHAT A LONG EXHAUSTING NIGHT....i just wanted to sleep but no one was letting me....

First off...I'm pretty sure this hospital has gotten a lot of new nurses. I worked so hard to get to know people and tried to remember faces and names. And for a while...it was awesome because most of my chemo nurses were the same...like a rotation or something. And even once...the charge nurse let me pick my nurse for the night! But this round everything seems different. Even when I got to my room, the rooms were cleaned funny and their were like patient welcome booklets and stuff all laid out like I'm gonna read this every time I come in, especially when I check in by myself...my board that they usually write on is different....rather than a thousand word questionnaire they (in theory) were suppose to go over with you during shift change(questions like, rate your pain, what is your goal for the day it's just a big white dry erase board.  just weird little things like that...changes....i don't like. I guess it just means that I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE AND NEVER COME BACK. lol.

Second....I had a pretty slow nurse...or basically start to the whole chemo process. it seems like no one was communicating to each other because things kept happening like twice. nurses, doctors, questions, explanations....its like no one was talking to each other or something. It doesn't seem that bad on here but when you're the patient...it's annoying because I hate saying things twice (probably a teacher trait) or explaining myself....especially if whatever I say won't matter (go back to last post and read my venting). ugh. but luckily, i'm nice to people and only let out my anger on here.

Third....I ran a fever early in the evening...much like the last time I was in the hospital. Not as high as my 104 fever but still a fever. I was around 101.8 when the nurse checked me but I felt like I was on the downhill of the height of my fever. Then I thought the fever broke because I got REALLY hot and a little sweaty on my head.....OH NO....that came around 3am when I realized I was DRENCHED in sweat...not just my head...but my entire body....THEN just as soon as I woke up two guys walked in to get a chest xray because whenever a fever is recorded....a chest xray is taken....it was embarrassing because they had to pick me up and adjust me and i'm sure i felt absolutely disgusting. blah...but I was half asleep so i guess it didn't really matter anyway and on top of that, the middle of the night.

Fourth of all....chemo didn't actually get started until 2am....so up until all this I was getting blood cultures done (because of the fever) meaning I had to be stuck with a needle as well as blood being drawn from my picc line. and that itself took forever because my nurse had to get another nurse to draw my blood...why?? i don't really know but that's what she did. On top of that....at the same time they were trying to get my chemo on the road and calling doctors for consent that was ALREADY signed by the FIRST doctor I saw....and of course, if I said anything...no one would listen. crazy right??? So then they FINALLLY got my chemo started....I fell asleep pretty quick afterwards...but then they needed urine samples so here they are in and out of my room leaving lights on and then turning them off...i couldn't just situate myself underneath my blankets...because this whole time i was HOT trying to break my fever. So then an hour late the guys came in for the chest xrays....and then another hour later....my nurse came in with the second bag of chemo that has been running all day (big 24 hour bag) so once again....woken up....why?? idk....then I fell asleep and again...next thing I knew it was 5am and the daily 5am labs were taken....so I had blood being drawn from me all night long. I'm pretty sure more was drawn but i don't really remember it because i was in and out of sleep all night.

AND FINALLY........even though this didn't really happen last night.....but i'm pretty sure it was a direct result of last night......my hemoglobin is at a 6.6.....WHAT??!!! yup....so right now i'm hooked up to a unit of blood. awesome right?? I still think it would've been cool to have a blood transfusion on halloween itself...but oh well...

anyways....i ordered dinner around 6:25 (right before they closed) and it got here about an hour later...easy schmeasy hamburger and fries....and here's what they sent.....obviously the bottom of the barrel fries that have been sitting all day. and on top of that....i missed lunch because i was on the phone with my sister for a long time today talking about our trip were taking. So i was occupied all afternoon....skipping lunch. good thing I had a bagel for breakfast or else i'd be struggling a lot more than I already am. I just ate the hamburger...and it wasn't that good....and ate maybe half a fry.....this just means I need to order earlier or NOT order fries....

this is what I'm currently hooked up to....the yellow big bag is the chemo....a regular size bag of saline for fluids....another clear bag of D5......a foilish color bag of antibiotics (for fever control)......a bag of blood.....and more fluid stuff that goes along with getting a blood transfusion.....so 6.....bags all going into me at once....that's CRAZY!!! 

alright well....that's all i got for today, I'll be sure to update more tomorrow (if I remember) I'm sure with all this blood, I'll feel up to it....

Make sure to go buy a lottery ticket....it is 11/1/11!!

i would if I could but I can't

oh well. :)

much love,

kim

TWO MORE DAYS OF CHEMO!!! 

Day 216: Not-So-Happy Halloween

So I just arrived and moved into my room. Right before I got here I had mad crazy chills....followed by a minor fever.....that broke quickly after taking some tylenol. I had no energy what so ever....it was awful. But between chills....I managed to do a load of laundry....take a HOT bath to warm up.....and clean my apartment up a little bit. It was a rough morning but I managed.

The ONLY thing that kept me going was me saying to myself....."this is the last time you have to do this kim....you can do it." and also "when you get to your hospital room you can lay down and let others take care of you all you want."

i'm telling you rough.

Anyways, not much excitement has been happening this past week. I've sorta just been waiting for this week to happen. So I'm definately ready for this to be over with. it has been a loooooong 216 days.

Right now, I have yet to meet my nurse....either she's just been busy or on break. the head nurse came in to get my inital vital signs and then a doctor came by to talk to me about treatment and got me to sign my consent to treat stuff. I told her about some tingling in my fingers that has been happening.....idk if I wrote about this in my last post but if I didn't....i've been having some tingling in my fingers. LOL. mainly in my fingertips....it's kinda like the feeling that you get right before your feet fall asleep....or come out of sleep....except mine is constant. Anyways, she said that it was a normal side effect for the vincristine....aka the Day 11 chemo I got. She didnt' say when it would go away....but I know that the morning team of doctors will ask the question "any numbness or tingling in your fingers or toes..." and for once....my answer will be YES. but then they'll probably say....well let us know if it gets worse....because that's what they do.

anyways, then the doctor gave the OKAY to start the chemo and she claimed to put in the orders. usually they start the chemo around 9 or 10pm.....and it runs like every 12 hours. with more stuff in between. fabulous right?? BUT IT"S MY LAST CHEMOTHERAPY TREATMENT. so i'll live. :)

Alright well, nothing else to report except I just ordered some food (grilled chicken breast, broccoli, and rice) and i just now realized i forgot ALL MY SPICES at home....noooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!

i guess I'll have to eat dull food for a few days. ugh. maybe i'll lose my appetite. haha....i know that's terrible to say but I've gained so much weight from those dang steroids I was on....that I really need to. It got so bad that they weighed me at the cancer center last friday and I had weight A......and today when they weighed me the nurse was concerned that she said....have you lost a significant amount of weight lately?? I said no then politely explained that when they weighed me at the cancer center i was on steroids and eating everything in sight.....she sorta ignored everything I said.....and I told her when I left here last time I weighed around 155. Once again.....ignored. So then she said....well, i'll just look it up. Then she came back with the doctor and what do you know....it was confirmed that i was 156 when I was last weighed during my last hospital admission. Seriously....if you work in the medical field.....ask or at least LISTEN to your patients....especially if they're in some sort of routine. They may not know all the technical terms to use but they know what they're talking about and they know their body better than anyone. ugh. makes me sick.

Anyways, the nurse just came in and did my assessment.....on a papertowel.....and hooked me up to my good ole saline bag for fluids......not much more excitement going on here so I'm gonna watch CASPER and HOCUS POCUS on this Halloween night......while I wait for my food.

P.S....NO ONE IS DRESSED UP AROUND HERE. i was so sad NOT to see any costumes. I was sure that nurses or at least desk workers dressed up.....how lame. I was somewhat glad to see that my nurse did have on halloween scrubs.....i guess that is better than nothing.

Anyways.......

Happy Halloween!!

be safe.

:)

Kim

Day 208: Lazy

WELL.....these past 7 days have been much better. I regained my energy back and I even taught fall break intersession at school! It was a great way to sorta get back into the swing of teaching. It was a little exhausting but nothing I couldn't handle. I didn't get tired (fatigue) while teaching and my white counts remained UP....YAY!! This is great news because my poor immune system has been through everything and it hung in there. It was really funny because I gave my students the "help miss begay out" talk and explained to them what type of cancer I had and we had the conversation about white blood cells and what could happen if they don't stay "clean" around me. They really seemed to take it seriously because they became obsessed with not touching too many things and germ-xing after everything. Hopefully when I actually start teaching full time they don't get lazy on me. It's so easy to forget to not share things or germ-x after everything. kids are dirty these days.

Anyways..........last weekend? was the breast cancer 5k and MAN OH MAN.........It was awful!! Usually a couple days out of chemo I'm fine.......I can run, I go to the gym, I do things....but this time....it took a HUGE toll on my body. My guess is because the MAJORITY (if not all) the bad cells are gone from my body and the chemo drugs are literally poisoning my body and making it weak.....whereas before the chemo drugs were attacking the bad cells and leaving some good cells out there. SO about this 5k.....I had every intention of simply running the entire thing....not really caring about a time or anything just getting though the run. YEEEAAAAHhhh....didn't happen. I could barely walk the entire thing......actually,  getting ready for the run in the morning was a struggle. I thought it was because my hemoglobin was low or something because I was sooo tired getting ready and walking around. it was awful. Just walking around waiting for the actual race to start was hard. I found myself trying to catch my breath the entire time. It was sooo weird. I ran for an entire maybe 20 seconds and then found myself needing to walk. THen at the beginning of the course there was a TINY TINY incline that we had to go up and I thought I was going to pass out WALKING up it. In my head I was trying to determine whether or not I should just turn around and not go through the entire course or if I should wave down the golf carts and just tell them to take me back....but i didn't. I couldn't. I guess it was the competitive person inside of me taking over but I seriously thought I was going to pass out if I walked fast or did anything too much more strenuous. UGH......it was awful. Anyways, I got through the race and afterwards I came home and passed out like I had just ran a marathon. It was horrible. So that was saturday....then sunday I thought it was saturday and I lost track of time and stayed up LATE working on lesson plans for that monday.

THEN the whole cancer center getting confused about my day 11 chemo happened (see last blog) and once it got figured out I was home free. I had so much energy last week it was hard to believe that I could barely walk 3 miles.....Then TUESDAY night....my BROTHER CAME. FINALLY......the day we have been waiting for. He was on his way back to North Carolina and drove through on Tuesday night. I had to set up his appointment to get tested for the bone marrow transplant which again....was another task in itself because the cancer center can be so crazy. We had an appointment at 8am on Wednesday morning. So he was literally here for less than 10 hours.....it was nice to see him though. We went to breakfast after my lab stuff and his blood draw, then he was on his way. IDK when the results are suppose to be in but I'm not counting on them coming in anytime soon.

Until I figure out if he's a match or not....I still have ONE MORE CHEMO TREATMENT left......I'll go in on Halloween (next week) and be in for 4 or 5 days......this is the short cycle so most likely i'll get out on Thursday....if OU can get their stuff together and admit me on time. THEN i'll go on maintenance chemo and it will be via oral pills! I'll still have to have my lab work done to check my counts and stuff but that's easy schmeasy. I had a doctors appointment on friday and my doctor was saying that my white counts are doing AWESOME. My red counts are still low but she said that that's normal and will probably be the last to fully recover. This has definitely been a LOOOOOONNNNNGGGGG seven months....i'm so glad that it's almost over and I can get back to "normal." It's hard to keep a routine like I used to because everytime I try to get back into the swing of things....i'm either too tired to continue or have some sort of something come up and mess everything up.

HMMMMMMMM..............okay so now that I'm old and all.....yesterday in OKC it rained/stormed and first of all....i was a complete bum all day and stayed in my apartment laying around......but then something weird happened. Everytime I got up, no matter where I layed down, my lower back was having sharp pains....sorta like I just had a bone marrow biopsy....THEN later on in the day i started having the WORST joint pains EVER. I was so confused because I had NEVER had this problem. Then my friend Emily informed me that it was about to storm.....so does this mean that whenever it rains my joints are going to act up??? I mean.....It hurt to walk......even just to lay down. I can't really describe the pain but it was awful. And I can usually stand pain pretty well and kinda fight through it....but once again....i was miserable. and i was like that all night and even this morning. I took some pain pills and sorta just complained a lot but I didn't know what to do. Right now my knees just feel sore but it was the weirdest thing ever. Also my fingertips are tingly. IDK if it's a side effect of the chemo (i remember doctors asking if I have any numb feelings) but its just annoying now. And all these 'side effects' just popped up.....so idk what to think of all of this.

So if anyone has any ideas or suggestions what I should do about these joint pains....let me know!

Alright well other than that, nothing else has been going on. It seems like my blog is slowly fading away because my days are getting more "normal" and less eventful......which is a GOOD thing but it's still bitter sweet. I remember the mercy hospital days that I used to write notes down so I could remember what to blog about......that seems like so long ago.

okay well, I'm going to watch more tv and continue to be lazy.....love you all~

kim

Day 202: It's like running a marathon...I'm SO close & it hurts

i feel like i'm on the last homestretch where your so close to the finish line....but you hurt physically and are thinking....OH THIS WAS A GREAT IDEA......ugh......i feel like i'm on mile 10 of a half marathon (13.1) .....mile 21 on a full marathon (26.2).... mile 2.1  on a 5k (3.1)....the 300 meter mark on a 400 m dash....(starting the last straight away) the point where you are like...omg.....seriously....i've went so far....i'm so close to being DONE.....but i'm in pain....i guess only runners would understand but it really applies to everything.

ANYWAYS.......

So sorry to my readers but these last 7 days have been THE ROUGHEST non-infection days....it's like....oh this is what chemo treatments were suppose to feel like. haha. I'm sooo lucky that it's been smooth sailing to me until now because I can put up with this just ONE MORE TIME.....it has been just awful and today (7 days out) is the first actual day I have energy. Almost too much energy.

I think I'm still way excited about teaching intersession at school...it's technically fall break for OKCPS schools but intersession is three days long and i have extremely small classes. It's funny because all the kids know me but i don't know them....and today I woke up after a two hour sleep....YES two hours....because I sat around my apartment thinking it was Saturday and I had "all day sunday" to work on my lesson plans. then somehow (i don't remember how) it dawned on me....OMG i'm TEACHING tomorrow.....and I have nothing FUN planned. So around 10 I realized this....So i gathered computers (one for music) and one to make my actual lessons for tomorrow. So then what do I do?? Get on Facebook.....what a fail. Then one of my old first year students started talking to me and I got wrapped up in that conversation and directed my attention to being creepy on facebook and looking at others pictures or making a ridiculous status....basically NOT being productive. SO FINALLY around MINDNIGHT i decided....hmmm maybe I should get serious because this morning I had to be up at the Cancer Center BY 8 (if i wanted to get to work on time) to get my day 11 vincristine chemotherapy...no worries...it usually takes only 20 minutes if they're efficient. (more on this later....a whole story on its' own) SO I had to be up by 630 to LEAVE by 730 to compensate for the AM rush down the highway that I usually don't drive. So I started on my rules (these kids have NEVER had me as a teacher) and I have to put my foot down to create a classroom culture that they will hopefully spread via mouth that Miss Begay doens't play around when she means it. Anyways, then since its intersession what kid REALLY wants to be there?? So I did my normal actual lesson I HAVE to do.....got it out of the way and then my FUN lesson.....but with a world of math possibilities......there are too many activities for just THREE DAYS....So i settles on tower building with marshmellows and toothpicks....the kids LOOOOOVE it.....and they're so calm during the activity i'm surprised....but it's only the first day. lol. we didn't get to it because the rules too me a while to explain and i had to emphasize WHY we have to be CLEAN FREAKS....all the kids all "heard" that I had cancer but I guess actually hearing it from me and explaining i have a blood cancer and we talked a bit about what an immune system is and why mine is bad. So I put germ-x on each table and told them to use it....especially when I'm around you....and they HAVE. I'm soo proud of them. Because one kid when he came back from break said....okay miss begay I touched the door to go outside and I noticed how many people actually touched the door and how many girls I hugged....so don't come near me....I NEED GERM-x......this is why i love 8th graders.

They were just so funny and It put me at ease that they actually listened to me and understood.....and to make it all worse....since I woke up so early.....went without a wig today at school.....a little of a shock to the kids....and one kid even said....uhh miss begay....the last time you were here....you had hair. The kids were all like.....gasssspppp......and I had to explain to them that I love wigs but just like them....there are days that I like to be lazy...and you're gonna see me like this quite a bit....because I'm OKAY that I have cancer and it'll grow back......i joked around about not having to buy shampoo or conditioner or hair products for 7 months....and they thought it was funny. So I guess them actually seeing me comfortable with myself and being funny around them.....makes them more comfortable for me....and I know they'll remember or talk about "My 8th grade teacher had cancer and I remember seeing her without hair...." and almost comforting others who may just be diagnosed or something.....because they see me in my better days and they can retell stories about me....like running 5k practices....or just joking around with them....sorta long shot expectations but just maybe one day.....it'll comfort someone. I'm just rambling now.....ANYWAYS.......................................

back to my morning.....SO I went to the new cancer center....even got there around 7:45 and UNLESS i have to......i'm never going to schedule a morning appointment......there were SOO many people there....older senior citizens of course....no youngin' in sight....it's TOO early. my nurse already had a full section....or so i heard. So i got there.....I checked in....signed my name....said hi to the usual front desk workers....who know me by name, chart number, image.....everything. I guess i'm there a lot. haha. so anyways....there were like....oh you usually come in the afternoons....this is weird....are you just here for cbc labs?? my thoughts....UUUHHHH NO.......what I actually said "not today...i'm scheduled for my day 11 vincristine/"

they looked at me like I was crazy.

then panicked.

So they said....do the doctors know? Who did you make an appointment with? Luckily I've FINALLY learned to take my discharge papers with me and I showed them the date, time, voicemail for confirmation.....but yet they had NO record of me even coming. So eager to push me aside she said....okay Kim (the other front desk worker) will be here soon she may know a little more....i wasn't here on friday. So I said...oooh okay, understandable. and I was still early. So Kim came in and she was just as confused!!

..being my normal charming self to people i need to get in good with (secretaries especially, they RUN that place). She had a look like...oh yes, i SORT OF remember that but don't...so she said okay let me take care of the others really quick and i'll find out what's going on....so come 8:15.....I was STILL sitting and nothing. So I did the "math" and was like....if I don't leave now I could be LATE to work....so I walked up to the desk where the two secretaries seemed busy and efficient....I said....I have work at 9 about 15-20 minutes away. Is there a way I can come back later this afternoon to get the vincristine? They looked at each other and each said to each other....OH I THOUGHT YOU WERE WORKING ON Kim's STUFF.....OHHHH MYYYYY GOOOOSSSHHHHH.

i thought i was going to lose it. so I had been sitting for 20 minutes with nothing being done. So politely I said....well this will give you guys time to figure out the confusion. So they said okay....and asked me to come back at 3pm. So i said okay and went on my way to school. I wasn't late....i actually got stuff done and taken care of stuff before the kids arrived.

Then come around 3..... first traffic was AWFUL.....and when I got there I was late but i didn't have anything planned the rest of the day so I didn't care if I was there forever. So i was really patient anyway. SO then I checked in....they had my chart ready for me....the nurse came quick to get me....so I was like....okay, they firgured it out.....then I heard the nurses talking.....they had NO IDEA what i was there for. I could hear them talking about me.....almost like I was a crazy person who was making these things about needing chemo and that I like to come to the cancer center and cause chaos. ummm no. And not once did a nurse come and ask me....or request to look at my discharge papers....which apparently don't matter around there. IDK if they think patients have no idea what they're talking about....but this patient does. AND not once did I ever hear....well let me call downstairs (chemo/infusion is on the 3rd floor and Oncology services (my doctor and her nurse)) are on the 2nd floor.....and ask her actual doctor. I mean....to me that makes sense. rather than to rummage through paperwork that they obviously DON'T have.....finally the nurse came back and was talking to me causally and dropped a million questions regarding what they were just talking about....i felt like she was spying on me. Whereas I just wanted her to ask...okay kim, why are you here?? And they had ALLLLLLL day to figure this out.....just baffled me. SO after much talking and being talked about....it finally got ordered and it took (the actually process) about 3 minutes. CRAZY RIGHT?!

so then when I asked them about the confusion....apparently this is normal for them. and I'm not the only patient that shows up with hospital orders...so I guess... lesson learned. now that i'm done for a bit with all these crazy appointment's.

So after all this....my brother will be in town for a few hours tomorrow night....passing though on his way back to NC. so I had to tell the people to get his blood drawn set up.... because i can't afford another day like this...and he's on a time crunch as it is.....so they were sending me up all kinds of stairs to fill out paperwork and try to squeeze him him wednesday morning at 8am....i said....okay....if you don't get him in now....you'll miss your chance for another two years. we trend to do HLA tests through the military....and it's nearly impossible....well it is.....my sister got tested and somehow the results were lost in mid air via fax.....so i guess the urgency was set in and they said...okay we'll get him in. I said okay I have to be at work at 9. and he has to be on the road by 9......

so I got that as ironed out as possible without him being here to sign things....hopefully to make the transition smooth and efficient.

GEEZ what a day...but luckily after this day.....i got some TEXAS ROADHOUSE...YUM! with my friend Debbie and it's always nice to wind down with her or any friend after a long day like I've had.....

it's wonderful.

ALSO IN OTHER NEWS...................MY SISTER AND I BOOKED OUR FLIGHT TO THE US VIRGIN ISLANDS!! yes sir folks.....after 6 hours on the phone talking and catching up and brainstorming ideas.....this is gonna be my escape I dreamed about in the hospital during diagnosis.....YES! And i miss my sister and there isn't a person i'd rather go with to explore with..... :) So I'm super excited to go and GET AWAY from this crazy hectic life I've been living these past 7 months......no one deserves it or earns it or does anything to go though this.....but tough people get through and island life is going to be WONDERFUL....YAYYY!!

She'll be back hopefully sooner than later and we'll begin our trip planning to visit my brother who will be in GERMANY. it's gonna be a great year for the begay siblings....i know it....since this year has just been awful for all of us....going though this expedience apart. and living through pictures...it's hard at times but it only builds a tougher skin.

hmmmm okay well i'm going to take a sleeping pill because I can go on and on and on.....

tomorrow I'll write more about my 5k experience and just how rough it's been...........just know.....in my head...i was ready to go.....but my body just wouldn't let me.  Which is AWFUL.....but now my weight went back down (thank goodness) the water weight is gone.....and everything is getting back to normal....only go back into treatments...next week! nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo......

okay i need to take it now or else I'll over sleep. and since i'm not gonna do any work right now.....i need to get to school early. :)

YAY!!  here are some pictures.....yay for a nice camera.....:)

more tomorrow...i promise this time! :)

i was in the hospital....this last round...this is what i look like with no makeup....no eyebrows :( no eyelashes :( no TAN :( and no bronzer :(......actually i think i have some eye shadow on here......i don't remember....all i know is that you can see the water weight i'm hold onto in my face....haha

my old picc line right before it got removed....it got really infected at the insertion point and this is actually a less gross picture.....it hurt anytime anything touched it.....so cleaning the line (flushing it) everyday.....was a definte task. But they took it out after I had my fever and now i have a pretty one in my other arm......that is clean and hopefully the LAST ONE I HAVE....yayyy!!!

after they took it out....i had a huge hole in my arm...it didn't hurt.....it looked really cool...in a gross kinda way....so why not document? when am i gonna have this again?? all of the dryness looking thing was leftover from the plastic because as soon as they took it out...i snapped a picture. lol. the little scar above the "hole" is a scar leftover from another picc line i had earlier.....yeah i've had like 5 or 6....and 8 attempts.....i'm a picc line EXPERT now.

I take sooo many pills in the hospital......so i started to stash and collect what they give them to me in...and decided to recycle it after I got out....this is what i accumulated in 24 hours......so times this times 5 days.....and you can imagine my secret stash I had in my drawer....heather....you would be proud of my recycling efforts.

my new blanket made by a good friend of mines mom.....I switch between quilts, mini blankets, throws and what ever else has been given to me.....all of them are beautiful....but with hotflashes happening often.....i try to take as little as possible to the hospital....but i DO USE all of the blankets that have been given to me.....and always get compliments on them....so thanks to everyone who has donated to my collection! :) i haven't forgot about the stories i have behind them. :)

i had the ugliest shower curtain....i had to take picture.....this was taken from my bed. talk about privacy....oh well.....i've got over that. quick.

I made all my students decorate a name plate to place in front of them here are some examples....becasue i'm terrible at names....their only instructions were.....MAKE SURE THEY'RE PRETTY....I DON'T LIKE UGLY THINGS....hahaha.....i crack myself up. i LOVE THEM though. :) oh and i said to make them big enough because i can't see and glasses look weird on me so I don't want to look funny so i don't wear them. haha.....

morning "fun" activity #1......spaghetti bridges.....idk why it's soo cool for pennies to drop everywhere when the bridge breaks......but i think they liked it...notice the germ-x at the table.... :) YAY!

 observation station #2....there were 5 all together. this was the phase 1 of our afternoon building activity....they were just exploring why these shapes are weak or strong...and how they can make them stronger etc.....of course with a little math involved.

these boys were so into it....still just observing and writing notes about the their observations...

another close up at station #1. how cute are my station signs??

i'm glad my 4am details paid off...haha.

the challenge was to build a freestanding structure on their own with their knowledge of all the weak vs. strong shapes....this group built more out then up.....but they got the idea...tomorrow they're going to perfect it! and make it taller!! we ran out of time. :)

what a day...

i'm beat. 

i need rest....

can you believe it...202 days ago......we've all been a long way on this crazy different journey together......

without all of my loyal 202 day readers......idk how i would've got through this with the ease that i did.

and what's funny is that i don't know everyone who has been "following me" it's like a i learn someone new who says....OMG i keep up with your blogs.....that just makes my day.

and sorry for my ridiculous rants sometimes. haha....i will admit i read old blogs and see what i was up to.....and i was like...WOW....i'm weird. haha

okay GOOD NIGHT. love you all i'm getting tired now.'

much love.

kim :)

Day 195: 4 days

I have four days to prepare for my 5k....granted my hemoglobin is up I think I can physically push myself through pain and run the whole thing.....my only goal. I don't care if a granny pace three legged dog passes me....I'm going to attempt to JOG the whole thing. I hear the course itself has some hills but....I'm gonna try. Because at this point my 39/40 minute 5k I was running in May.....ain't happening. yes I typed ain't. My friend Emily reminded me how much my body has physically went through and I guess it makes sense. Its probably because I don't really FEEL it when I'm in the hospital (only when I get fevers) so it's just something I never think about. I mean, I feel okay, I act okay, I get a bit tired than normal.....so it just doesn't make sense...to me. But I gots to slow my roll and take it one step at a time. But don't get me wrong.....I'll be up and running a marathon sometime this year....or at least a half.

So after my awful day 1 in the hospital things got better. They drew blood cultures for a couple days and one came back positive....or negative....whichever is the bad one.....so they just said a week of antibiotics at home  orally (no via IV....thank GOODNESS) will clear me right up. I get to go home a lot earlier than I thought.....TODAY.....just as soon as my nurse types up my discharge papers.....but I've learned not to get my hopes up too much or too quick because those suckers can take FOREVER. So my room looks the same, I think I'm going to shower here because I know as soon as I get home I'm going to want to light some fall scented candles, change into comfortable clothes, pop into starbucks for a carmel something, and turn on my heater....and sit.

But I can't get too comfortable because I got to make a trip to the wig store and also get a white count booster shot at the cancer center around 3. Now that I got a fancy camera I can take a little better pictures of what it looks like because everyone needs to see this place!

Also....i just realized that my donation page link was messed up~!! nooooooooo! But don't worry, I think I got it figured out.....so here....if I'm correct, is the donation page to the breast cancer run I'm doing this weekend. If you feel like giving back a little, this is a great cause and it's tax deductible! and if this link doesn't work.....well.....idk what to say.

https://secure.info-komen.org/site/Donation2?6303.donation=form1&idb=1517196331&df_id=6303&FR_ID=2128&PROXY_ID=8856398&PROXY_TYPE=20

Okay well I'm going to shower and start moving around.....even though this bed is way warm....i got to get out of this place...........

ONE MORE ROUND...............................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

much love,
kim