Day 123: Nooo!!!

I'm getting mouth sores....noooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

I've been pretty good about brushing my teeth and not skipping out on my gums and tongue but i guess it was inevitable for me to get them. :(

Not much has been happening. I'm not as tired anymore (yay!) but I've been trying to take it easy. I started running again and it feels great! I did a 2 mile walk/jog today and it was awesome. Tomorrow I'm going to the gym to do some weights so hopefully i'm not too sore. Anyways, I'm sending my sister a care package (she's in afghanistan) and today I went shopping. I asked her what she needed and shampoo/conditioner was on the list. Not even thinking about it I was in wal-mart  walking up and down the aisles and I came to the shampoo aisle. And for some reason, I LOVE shopping for shampoo. I like to compare and sniff shampoo's...and looking at all the pretty bottle colors....something about it excites me....weird I know. ANYWAYS, there I was doing my thing and then I realized that people were kinda giving me odd looks. Then I was like, OMG, I forgot I'm BALD! hahahaha....so then I started to feel uncomfortable but I was in my groove so I kinda ignored them until more people came. It was just funny because what are the odds of a bald person shopping for shampoo. I wasn't really embarassed....I just felt out of place.

Well tomorrow is the official first day of school for OKCPS and I'm still sad I'm not gonna dress up like a cowboy (it's our school theme) and be there to see my new students. I love the anxiety of the first day of school and always have. I'll hopefully start in October (fingers crossed). I just love working that I'm sad to not. :( sigh.....

alright well, i'm tired and I plan on running tomorrow morning  so I need to get some sleep. I also have my cbc blood draw sometime tomorrow.

much love,
kim

Day 122: Out.

So if you didn't already know, I got discharged from the hospital yesterday. I got out around 6:30pm and have been at home ever since. My appetite isn't completely gone but food has definitely lost its taste. Which is normal for chemo. This round wasn't as bad as the last round but I'm a lot more tired than before. Yesterday while waiting to be discharged, I slept ALL day LONG. literally. I woke up to take meds and to eat. not cool. Today isn't any different. I"m laying on my couch watching netflix and just waiting around to get better. I don't feel nauseated or anything like that, just plain tired. I have my doctors appointment on the 8th of August to discuss more chemo (ugh!) and before then the regular checkups to draw my blood and give me shots. :(

So that's pretty much it. I don't live an exciting life right now so there isn't much to blog. Just know I'm doing okay and that I'm taking it easy.

School starts monday... :(

I'm still sad I won't be there on the first day of school to see my new students. :(

xoxo

kim

Day 120: Almost. There. So. Close.

I'm starting my last bag of chemo at 10 tonight. I guess I'm suppose to have a shot 24 hours after it starts to avoid too much nausea (new to me too).  So discharge will happen tomorrow night. fabulous.

Today has been completely uneventful and very frustrating. Ever since I went to sleep I have been awaken pretty much every 2 hours. Someone has to draw labs, scan my bracelet, give me eye drops, give me a shot, my annoying IV pump goes off, I get hot flashes, doctors, residents, interns, and students come in to tell me the same thing over and over....ugh. But I only have a day left so I can get through this.

My hands are swollen, my feet are too, and my face....awesome. It's from the constant fluids pumping through me...it's pretty gross.

I'm craving a chicken sandwich from Wendy's with a frosty and small fries. :( I need my students to hurry and start driving so I can tell them to bring me things. LOL. They're the perfect target because they'll still be at the stage that they'll be excited drive for anyone and go anywhere.

Anyways, nothing exciting today. No cool stories. I think I'm just way tired. My poor body is worn out. :(

Okay well, tomorrow is another day.

much love,
kim

Day 119: like a bear in the winter

So after I blogged they started the chemotherapy thru my iv and after showering & changing my sheets...it was lumbar puncture time! The procedure itself took about 20?minutes and it happened bedside. Yikes! The initial numbing of the area is by far the worst. The rest is just uncomfortable b/c you have no idea what they're up to back there. Luckily "The Talk" was on so I tried to distract myself as much as possible.

After it was over I just laid on my back and fel asleep. I still havent caught up on my sleep. It seems like every time I get in a good groove someone comes in to mess it up. So I slept for a bit and got a surprise visitor from one of my students who just graduated from 8th grade. Visits from students are just so refreshing b/c you can talk about the mst pointless things and justhave a good fun conversation. Talking like adults gets boring and may that's why I love my job as muc as. Do. Those Taft kids have got me thru a lot just by being themselves and providing me with laughter and allowing me to "escape" my problems for abit.

After he left I went back to sleep and woke u to a growling stomach and what did need?? thats right....hot wings! So I scrambled to get a friend to bring me some and she did. I figured tonight would almost be a "last ,meal" because my mouth already has the metal tAste in my mouth that I can't just "brush away." ugh. Water even tastes funny now so I know the chemotherapy is working....blah. Oh well just two more days...:) I start my next dose of chemotherapy @ midnight and yes....I'm gonna requeST the pill agaIn tonight. Muhahahaha!

Hot flash"........ugggggghhhhhhhh.......

Okay better. AnywhO, I just want to give a shout Out to all my friends who have been doing fabulous things and putting up with all my requests. I hate asking for help but you guys Have definitely helped me kick this cancers ass. :) so thanks.

Okay well no fun exciting stories today....I slept a lot. My poor body seems worn out.

Good night!

Kim

Day 119: Sleeping Pills are No Joke!

I guess it was a combination of being extremely tired and the new sleeping pill doxepin that I took last night but I'm STILL tired. I went to sleep around 10:30 or 11 last night after taking my pill around 9:30. It didn't have the ambien effect of making me woozy or to the point that I was about to just pass out. Instead, I finished what I was doing with no problem and made myself lay down. Then *BAM* next thing I know my nurse is saying in a LOUD shout "KIM!" just to wake me up. It was around 1am and she had to wake me up to put some steriod eye drops in, give me a pill, and get a urine sample (yuck!). I mean I must've been OUT because she was giggling when I actually did wake up and I was still sleepy b/c I could barely make it to the restroom without almost falling over. LOL. As soon as I went to sleep she said she'll be back in 4 hours for more eye drops. I don't really remember putting the eye drops in but I remember her being in the room. I fell back asleep then I remember my IV beeping because my chemo was done (it was round 6:40am) and I just looked at it and rolled over and let it beep. haha...I was out of it. SO then I hear the nurses come in for their shift change rotation (where they tell the "new" nurse all about me) stuff. They then drew my blood and I"m pretty sure I was asleep for that as well. I mean these pills were NO JOKE. I guess it would've been a better experience if I was actually left alone to SLEEP....but it was still kinda fun b/c the whole time I was thinking to myself....MAN these pills REALLY work.

There isn't a lot going on today. I start my second part of the chemo regimen today in about 30 minutes. I took a pretty lengthy walk this morning up and down the halls as I waited on my breakfast to arrive. It felt nice and my legs still work! I got a friend to bring my stretchy band I got from my physical therapist so I can do bed exercises while I sit around and watch TV.

So today i'm a little bummed because today is the official first day for teachers to report back for the 2011-2012 school year. I'm so sad that I can't start the year...and that I'll be out for the first 2 or 3 months. I love working in general...and working with students is even better! I'm going to miss coaching soccer and developing a relationship with the soccer team. For the past two years (more last year than anything) those were my boys. I would do anything I could to help them and they knew that. They loved me just as much as I loved them. :( But I need to get better and my health is what is important. I sitl want to help out as much as I can...granted I can't do a lot sitting around my apartment or hospital bed...but you just never know, we'll see.

hmm okay well chemo starts in 20 minutes and I still need to shower and put on my sweet purple sheets since my smell and taste buds are changing....hospital sheets, you got to go. :) THen  i'm going to SLEEP. lol.

have a great day!

kim

AAANNNDDDD......the doctors said that my white counts went UP again.....i mean really....i'm at a 4.5 now. And I thought the point of chemo was to knock them down....lol. They'll eventually start going down but for now....i'm still doing good! :)

Day 118: Sleep & Food Deprived Part II

Relapse.



By far one of the scariest terms any cancer survivor can hear or think about.



I had my first "scare" today. In my previous post, I talked about how ALL of my counts dropped so quick after only a couple of hours. Well as a completely foreigner to all medical "lingo" (to know if that is even possible) my heart stopped when my attending doctor came in and told me the news my counts that were drawn early in the morning were off and she was concerned.

For a brief second that scary 7 letter word popped in my head. Then coincidentally I was writing the date on a paper I had to sign and what number did I write and realize I was writing?? Yes, that's right....7. I freaked out for a mili-second in my head because that's the kind of stuff that happens in horror movies!

Then I caught myself thinking about what would happen next in this "horror scene" picture I created in my head....I was like, WHOA, WHAT AM I DOING?!?

My immediate next thought was what my friend/co-worker Jon had mentioned to me during a casual conversation about negative thinking. I don't remember the details (sorry jon!) but I do remember that negative thinking is the same as saying negative things. It puts my thoughts out there in the universe open for it to possibly happen or somehow come back to bite me where it hurts (karma)....yikes!

So my next step........I got those bad thoughts out of my head and immediately fast forwarded the frozen movie reel I had created in my head to a picture of me and my sister going to the Virgin Islands in October. I pictured us being lazy bums on the beach and swimming with turtles in bright fun bathing suits (totally stereotypical scene from a movie).

And I began to smile and switched my thoughts to "It won't happen, It hasn't happened. I still have to go to the Virgin Islands with my sister! I haven't met my new students! Nope, I know I didn't relapse. Doctor Schmoctor I know my body. I'm fine. I think he should re-draw my blood."

And right then...my doctor said, "okay we're just going to re-draw your blood and re-check your counts because this shouldn't have happened." ..........Well DUH this shouldn't have happened because I KNOW i'm fine.....

And I am.

I guess there was some fluke in the system this morning when they drew my blood (I mean it was 4am!).And what is really funny is that my counts actually went up. So HA...take that cancer!

Kim - 2 Cancer - 0

I'm telling you positive thinking REALLY does do a lot for the soul. it's amazing. Even if medically, it wouldn't have been possible to change my counts by clicking my shiny red shoes, at that instant moment in my head...my "movie" could've went one way or the other. and I chose the other. the happy ending. the positive ending. And that put me at ease so i didn't spend the next 30 minutes a nervous crying wreck. Instead, I googled things to do on our vacation.

:)

So now, I'm still on track with my chemo and I'm scheduled for my lumbar puncture tomorrow. OH JOY.

Now that I probably made a few people cry or shed a tear or two (including myself)....

The rest of my day consisted of me laying in my bed...going to the restroom every 46.75 minutes (no joke, i am so bored in this place that I actually wrote down all the times I went and so far that is my average...or us math folks like to call it...the mean) CRAZY RIGHT?! I'm such a nerd. Anyways, I got a few things taken care of with financial aid mess and hopefully when I'm finished I'll be able to go downstairs and mail it! that would be a fun adventure.

My day was very slow and I'm pretty convinced that my "chemo brain" is acting up. I'm so ADD throughout the day it's ridiculous. I can't focus on one thing for too long or else I start going crazy. Luckily I have the laptop, the ipad, student letters, facebook, and a TV with more than 15 basic channels to keep me entertained between frequent restroom pit stops. If you come to visit me you'll see what I'm talking about because the most simple words get away from me and sometimes I make NO sense at all. weird right? I just can't focus for too long. and that has NEVER been a trait.

AND of course right now my steroids shot is kicking in and i'm completely jittery. AHHHHH!!!

...................
........

....
.
...
......
...................

okay. i took advantage and did some stretching. I feel better.

Alright well other than a few drop in visits from some friends and some fun conversations my day is finally over and i'm SOOOOOOOOO tired. I haven't taken a nap and I just took some sleeping medication and last night I probably got 4 hours of sleep....I have to wake up in 4 hours to put steroid eye drops in my eye so I need to get some zzz's before then.

I love you all.

Kim
:)

Day 118: Sleep & Food Deprived

YES...that is right I am sleep and food deprived.

So yesterday after the doctor finally came to have me sign my treatment papers everything was set to start chemo (yay!) and get it over with. but of course....that never happens....it wouldn't be a true hospital stay without "bad news." WELL, it wasn't that bad. Basically they hooked me up to pre-hydration fluids and told me they need a urine sample to test the pH level (gross right??). Don't ask me WHY they wanted to test it, I heard it, it made sense, but I couldn't repeat it back to anyone. lol. if you're really curious...google it or ask my med school friends. lol. Anyways, so they needed it to be at least a 7 to get started on the chemo. So I finally went to the restroom and it was a.................6.5. fail. So for about 30 minutes I slammed cup after cup of water down my throat and on top of the hydration fluids going, I had to go again in no time! Test number 2..........6.6. UGH. So once again chugged cups of water like wrestlers chug in college and test number 3...........6.8. PROGRESS!! So then I took a different approach, I let the hydration fluids run through me the first 20 minutes to get all the "Medications" down in my bladder THEN I would fill up the rest of my bladder with water to push it all out!....genius....So I sat around reading a book (WHAT???!! seriously, who am I....me...reading?? YUCK! I blame debbie curry for reading so much around me. LOL. love you deb!) for 20 minutes and then I challenged myself to drinking 8 cups of water in 10 minutes....yeah I got to 5 and almost exploded b/c I had so much fluid in me. hahaha! (it's a hospital, I gotta find ways to entertain myself) ANYways...test number 4....7.1...yeaaahhhhh buddddyyy!!

So chemo was ready to start. They gave me my normal pills that go along with my chemo and by this time i was SOO tired and ready to go to sleep. It was around 2am after test #4. My nurse was kinda running around in and out of my room so I was trying to stay up with her to figure out what the heck was going on. She was a fun lady and entertaining so it really wasn't all that hard. THe first bag of chemo was a tiny little bag that goes over 2 hours so she started that and let me go back to sleep. And 2 hours later...my IV was beeping and it woke me up. I was kinda in a daze for a bit because I was so tired that I didn't know what I was doing. I kinda just stared at the machine and started pushing buttons...lol. Then I was like, OH, I know what to do. So I pushed stop and called my nurse so we can get the next bag of chemo started. By the time she had got everything together and switched out my IV pole (i have to have the MONSTER IV thingy b/c so many fluids are going through me) it was around 7am!! ugghhh...and by this time I was REALLY tired. I didn't care so much to try to keep my nurse company and ask a million questions like I was trying to before so I just laid on my pillow and tried to ignore everyone. lol. THEN my NEW nurse came in....because it was shift change time and of course, she had a nursing student so I'm sure I was extra rude at first, then I noticed what was going on and quickly go up gave a polite hi to my nurses. I was happy to get a nurse who I already knew and she remembered a lot of the conversations that we had during my previous hospital stays.Another nurse popped her head in and said hi once she "heard" I was back in. She is a sweet nurse probably in her upper twenties early thirties. She always went out of her way to say hi or offer encouraging words even if I wasn't her patient for the day/night.

ANYWAYS, the next bag of chemo is a HUGE bag. It will constantly run over 24 hours so tomorrow at 7am I'll be awaken once again...if i'm not already awake. lol. something to look forward to. Something new they started was they're going to have me sign a sheet of paper everyday I have chemo. They said chemo can cause neurological damage (hmmm sounds familiar!!) so a simple signature over days can tell a lot....And I have a crazy signature as it is so that should be interesting.

After the bag had been hung and started my head attending doctor for this round of chemo came in to briefly talk to me...which I thought was weird b/c usually the students are sent in first, then the residents, then whoever else wants to talk to me, THEN everyone comes in and observes the way the attending doc speaks and what is going on. So anyways, she had said that they are going to put a halt on chemo....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO......because my white blood cell count JUMED down from yesterday when I got admitted. apparently they were at a 2.5 and they jumed down to a 1.5. She said she would put in the orders and let the nurses know. But she didn't. Then as more people started to come in I told all my nurses and doctors and they said well, we dont have the orders for it so it must've not been too urgent. so on with the chemo! I"ll just have to be EXTRA EXTRA EXTRA careful when I get out because i'm starting with my counts so low. My hemoglobin is at a 7.7...also down from the day before. weird right?
OH and my potassium is low. awesome.

So overall, I'm just tired today. I ordered some food but I'm not really that hungry and I'm stuck in my room forever (7am tomorrow) so I'm going to eventually catch up on my shows and sleep. Which I say that but it usually never happens that way. I get so distracted who knows what I'll actually do.

Okay so that's the news for today....chemo is still on but that could change as soon as the doc's come back to see me. oh JOY. For now...time to catch the last part of THE VIEW!

adios.

kim

Day 117: HA HA HA HA!

I've been in this place for a little over 2 and a half hours and I have been looking up random STUFF about cancer (scholarships, financial aid, young adult stuff...etc) AND i came across these top ten things...I thought they were hilarious so I thought I'd share.



Top 10 Ways to Deal with Chemo Brain

*****The phrase "chemo brain" has come to be used by cancer survivors to describe changes in memory, attention, concentration, and abilities to perform various mental tasks that are associated with receiving chemotherapy treatments for cancer. ******

**And YES i have experience chemo brain...i'm sure most of you already know that though. LOL**



10. Swear to everyone that you were a "blonde" before you lost your hair.

9. Tell people that your brain, "temporarily shuts down during chemo to prevent excessive loss of brain cells"

8. Spend the next 20 minutes trying to actually remember and articulate #9.

7. When your brain gives out and you stumble over a sentence, look the person directly in the eye and say, "Did you catch all that?"

6. Wait, what was I talking about?

5. Look at your oncologist and say, "Whoa! You're treating me for WHAT?!?"

4. Proudly announce that, "At least it doesn't affect my ability to drive!"

3. (For the Girls) Tell everyone it gives you a chance to live in a man's shoes for a change

2. (For the Guys) Hey, now you have a legitimate excuse to forget birthdays and anniversaries.

1. Wait, what was I talking about?

When all else fails, just pretend you're having flashbacks from 'Nam... even if you weren't born until 1982.



annnnnd one more....I may have to use these because a lot of people i know are just now finding out that I was diagnosed with cancer...geez. :) i still love them. :)

Top 10 ways to cut the cancer conversation short

10. Yeah, well, I was getting sick of my haircut so I figured, why not?
9. You should see how many presents I got. It was totally worth it.
8. Chemo is a great way to lose weight.
7. People are a lot nicer when they think you might die.
6. It was a perfect opportunity to get caught up on all my soaps.
5. Yeah it sucked, but look at this bad-ass scar!
4. How else do you think I got into college? They can't turn down a cancer survivor.
3. Now I get to wear this trendy yellow bracelet.
2. I don't really remember it. I was too drunk most of the time.
1. It's okay, I didn't have anything scheduled for that year anyway.

Day 117: 153 is where to be!

Alrighty....well I just got "checked in" to my hospital room and I got a crap room. lol. I have the exposed shower/toilet....again. (exposed meaning it's behind a curtain rather than a door) and I'm right across the hall from the vending machines/family area. grrrreeeaaattt....already I have a little kid bouncing off the walls outside and staring right into my room. I think he's eyeing my goldfish baked snacks I'm eating. lol. My lovely friend Sarah was kind enough to bring me here and wait through the painful process of being admitted. Shout out to Miss Ross! :) she's awesome.

Anywho, I just spoke with my nurse (who remembered who I was...name and all!) and she said the chemo orders are already in were just waiting for the attending doctor to sign off. SO YAY!! note to self....start chemo on MONDAYS. Maybe this is a sign that OU Presby Hospital will have it together this whole week!

So back tracking....I got a call from the hospital at 8am this morning telling me my room was ready....but of course, I was not! lol. Yesterday it took me all day to do my laundry and I never made it to wal-mart! So this morning I scrambled to wal-mart and of course my gas tank was empty so it took forever to get there. I got everything I needed (i think) except I forgot my poor cat Einstein's cat treats. :( He knew something was going on when I was packing and cleaning...lol. He was just acting weird but he'll be okay, I just feel bad for leaving him by himself in my apartment.

Okay well, I'm tired from waking up SOO early, lol. I'm gonna watch The Talk and hopefully get some zzzz's before the doctors come and wake me up.

adios.

kim

Day 116: 24

I have about 24 hours until I go back in for more chemo and i'm sad. :(

I hate the hospital and I hate chemo.

BUT on the positive side, I'm getting healthy again and I can't hate that. :)

So i have a lot of things to do before I go in. I have some laundry to do, I have to go grocery shopping for snack food in the hospital and for all my crazy cravings after chemo. I need hotdogs to survive the first couple days because that was all I could or wanted to eat. and gatorade because that was the only thing I could drink that didn't really lose its taste....or taste too horrific. I cleaned my ENTIRE apartment yesterday ALLLLLL day so when I come home it will be clean and I can just lay around and recover....which is one of the worst parts of chemo. :( as soon as I get out of the hospital i want to hang out with people and socialize but i physically don't have the energy to. Anyways, I have a lot to do so I need to get started.

:)

kim

Day 114: UGGGHHHHHHHH.........

I had my doctors appointment today and it went alright. All my counts were UP...yay!...and they were amazed how "healthy" i look...double yay!...

I start my 4th round of chemo on Monday...booo!!...and I think it's 3 days so I'll probably be in there for 4 or 5 days. :( Let's just hope OU Hospital has their stuff together and will be on top of everything so i can get in, get chemo, and get out! words can't describe how much i hate the hospital...

SOOO...on to the bad news...I thought this would be my LAST major chemo treatment...but no....I'm only halfway there. :( What I thought was 4 cycles...is only two. I already had 1a...1b....2a...and now i'm on 2b....and I have to go through 4b....LAAAMMMEEEEEE.

So i guess I won't be finished until october. But once i'm in remission (yay!) my counts bounce back quicker...making the whole process go by faster. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

BUT...if I can get a bone marrow transplant all of this will come to a halt and I'll be good. But I gotta find a match. My sister has been tested and were waiting on her results and idk about my brother. it's so hard because he's in a different state. AND if my sister IS a match...she's in a different COUNTRY. uuuuuuuuuuggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

But I'll take it day by day and just hope for the best. I might as well get this chemo stuff going so i can get it over with....MAN am I ready for christmas break. I'll hopefully have a nice vacation somewhere and this new year celebration is going to be big. I'm ready for 2011 to be OVER!! BUT i gotta get my finances in order because this whole medical bills thing is CRAZY!!

My awesome social worker got me a few more "cancer scholarships" to fill out and send in so lets cross our fingers I get approved for SOMETHING. ANYTHING. EVERYTHING helps....She also got me some reading material (yuck! i hate reading) that looks interesting. So I'm taking a backpack to the hospital room and will be hopefully learning about more cool stuff.

ALSO....if you are a regular blood donor...i would LOOOOVE if you went to the Oklahoma Blood Institute to donate in my name. You don't have to be a specific blood type or anything. You'll just need my address and name and you're good! Everything helps and your contribution will help me pay for some of the MANY blood & platelet transfusions i needed in the past and in the future.

Anyways...................after my doctors appointment I went to wal-mart (my favorite place EVER) to get a wireless router for my apartment and of course...i bought a million other things lol. But as I was walking out the door the greeter, a sorta young very skinny lady who had short boyish hair with a huge pink flower headband, said have a great day! and threw me a warm hearted smile. I politely said thank you, you too and moved on through.... Well the security thing started to go off and beep as I passed through it...and i knew that would happen because i had an expensive electronic device that hadn't been deactivated. So as she took it from me and walked over to have it deactivated i waited and in a flash she came back with a smile and said "you're all set!!" and walked through the door with my wireless....Normally I wouldn't think anything of it but she seemed like she was jut having a great day and her smiles and chipper attitude was contagious. She just seemed so happy. So I pushed my cart through to meet her on the other side of the security thingy to get my router and as i was passing by her, I said Thank you again and she placed her hand on my right shoulder to squeeze by me and let me pass...she whispered in my ear....stay strong, you look great....and for some reason i started to cry...not like bust out in tears crying but more of a couple tears running down my cheeks as i walked to my car. Her words were so powerful to me because I realized how lucky i really am. I guess i just never stopped and really evaluated myself and see how strong I really am. And I cried about it. I'm soooo thankful that I can drive myself places, run, lift weights, and go to wal-mart without needing help. I'm taking so much for granted that I don't realize. And I guess it just hit me when some random stranger said something to me....this probably makes no sense at all but just know that her kind words and fun attitude just made all this cancer stuff worth it.

I almost want to say that she had cancer herself and was a survivor. Her hair was short but didn't have much style....like her hair had just grown back. it looked extremely thin and soft (kinda like mine when it was growing back) and the accessories she wore (pink headband and pink rubber bracelet) almost indicated she had a breast cancer. She was extremely thin and lanky....a lot like a sterotypical patient in for chemo treatments.....Or she could've been just a sweet lady.

okay now that i made myself cry again...i'm so lame sometimes...i need to finish cleaning my apartment and start making a list of what i need to get at the grocery store for my post-chemo cravings and i need to start packing a bag for the hospital....i have lots to do and only 2 days.

Have a fabulous day!

much love,
kim

p.s....my hair DID fall out AGAIN. let's just hope i get to keep my eyebrows this round. :)

Day 113: So Good.

I have been having a fabulous week!

I have my doctors appointment tomorrow morning in the new OU Cancer Center (exciting!) and my assumption is that I'll start my LAST MAJOR ROUND of chemo next week. Unless I can be 100% guaranteed that I will for sure START on Saturday or Sunday I'll wait until Monday to go in. My experience with hospitals is that NOTHING gets done on the weekend so I'd rather NOT sit around and collect a bill. LOL.

Other than that, I'm still feeling healthy. I'm working out (well trying to) but keeping motivated to workout is hard....School starts in a couple days (10!) but unfortunately, if i start chemo, i'll miss the first couple of weeks. :( Luckily, I've been working this week on my classroom and let me tell you, when other teachers are in your room for over 2 months and the cleaning crew comes in like a tornado to clean the floors....it's pretty much like starting over. BUT i have nothing else to do so I'm okay with it. Althought, I am a little upset that my zebra print broom and two pink trashcans have been taken! they're pretty easy to spot so I'll just be on the lookout.

OH, here is my counts report as of last wednesday....

White Blood Cell - 15.1 (YESSSS!)
Red Blood Cell - 2.68 :(
Hemoglobin - 8.4 (eh, i'm alive and can breathe)
Platelet Count - 123 (still low but I'll take it!)

So basically, life is good because my counts are up from my last read. I'm assuming that I'll get another cbc (complete blood count) tomorrow after my doc appointment and I'll probably wait for the results so I may have more to report tomorrow.

Alright well I'm going to the movies tonight with some friends so I need to get off of here.

Have a good day!

Much love

kim

Day 109: And I'm Back In The Game!!

So i'm FINALLY fully recovered from my last chemo session and life is good again. My taste buds are back to normal (thank goodness!!) and I'm back to running again.

I took a trip to the Illinois River in Tahlequah this weekend with some teacher friends and it was much needed. Just to get away from the city felt great. I have my next doctors appointment on Friday and I'm assuming that I'll start my LAST major round of chemo probably sometime next week. So this week, I'm trying to get stuff done and hang out with people.

School starts August 1st but I don't think i'll be well enough to go for the first two or so weeks. :( I'm soooo ready to start working again and be around my students...they're awesome & they always seem to make me laugh or turn my day around.

There isn't really a lot to report, I'm just trying to enjoy my time with friends who matter before everything goes sour with treatment and all. ugh.

Alright well, i'm hungry and have no food in my kitchen, lol, so i'm off to the store to buy ramen noodles and chicken. LOL. sad right??

:)

kim

Day 103: PAIN

OMG..............i have been in pain for the majority of the day.

But I have figured out when it comes on. I call it during the "transition" times. For instance....i'm laying on my floor (yes I lay on my floor) typing this blog entry...and when I get up to walk to my bedroom as soon as I get up and start to walk....a sharp pain will surge throughout my ENTIRE back for about 4 seconds. and then...i'm good until i transition into another position. Even sitting down to standing hurts.

I think it's because I was carrying groceries in and my back just isn't strong enough anymore? IDK. But something is wrong. My headaches have been tamed. I was wearing a wig earlier and i got a minor headache but it seems to be going away. YES!

Well other than that, there isnt' much to report on. Tomorrow I'll start a 21 day exercise binge. Its absolutely pathetic how out of shape I am....I feel like i weight a million pounds because i've just been laying around recovering. I'm gonna see how my back does on a jog tomorrow morning and determine afterwards my exercise limits.....

Alright well that's pretty much it for today....i'm gonna go lay on my heating pad and try to get some sleep.....:)

have a good night....

kim

Day 102: Life...or something like it.

UGGGHHHH it's 6:46am and I've already been up for almost an hour. IDK why but I'm anxious or nervous. I think I'm just scarred I'm gonna get sick or something.

On the plus side...i did get to watch a beautiful sunrise. I sat outside on my patio for a bit and it felt good to just sit and relax. I opened the vertical blinds in my apartment to let light in and it's a bit refreshing. Einstein (my cat) certainly likes it.

So I had my "doctor's" (i met with my doctors PA) appointment on Friday and everything went well. I told her about my fatigue and told her I have been laying on my couch the past week having pregnancy cravings & ridiculous hot flashes...she laughed and said it was normal. She was a bit concerned about my back and neck pains. I told them they have gotten aLOT better since I've been out but I guess I'm not suppose to be having them. She then found out that I had to have TWO attempts at the spinal chemo and she said it was probably the poking around that messed something up. GO FIGURE.

Today my back pain is AWFUL. I feel like I've been lifting heavy things ALL DAY LONG and lifting with my back and not my legs.... The muscles around my spine feel sore and it travels from the bottom of my back to my neck....:( When I lay down it relieves the pressure but I still have an uncomfortable feeling that is annoying. I really just need a massage. LOL. THEN when I get up, I have a feeling that comes over me that my back is going to go out. It doesn't happen all the time but these past two days have been especially rough. So if you see me get up and i all of a sudden freeze and make a sour face....you know why.

I go in everyday this week for a shot to help boost my white cell count so if it gets worse, I'll schedule me an appointment. On a more positive note....my appetite and taste buds are about 96% back to normal. YEEEEAAAHHHH BUDDY.

Now I just got to get his back problem "straightened out" (hahahahaha!) and get myself back to running and I'll be GOLDEN.

until then, I'm doing a lot of snacking and laying around....yikes! that's a recipe for danger.

I know what everyone is thinking....I need to take it easy and let my body heal...it's been through a lot......I've heard it a MILLION times. It's just hard to sit around my apartment all day and do nothing. But I'm resting as much as I can, but if this whole thing doesn't work or get better in a few days....i'm going back to running the pain out!!

but let's hope it doesn't come to that. :)

Alright well....in other news, I have seriously considered going back to school to get a nursing degree. random?? Well the thing is....i appreciate and respect nurses a LOT more now than I used to. Not just because my life is in their hands but now that I have seen first hand what they REALLY do....it's interesting to me and I think going to nursing school would be more meaningful than just having a degree. So i've been looking into BS to BSN programs....and I could totally do it. I would be one awesome nurse. And if I got sick of the medical industry, I'll always have teaching...

it's just a thought i've been throwing around and researching a little.

Alright well I'm about to make me a breakfast burrito and I guess watch movies because I have NO idea what's on this early on TV. LOL. :)

Everyone have a fab day and try to stay cool!! it's HOTTT outside i'm sure. :)

xoxo

kim

Day 99: Moving on Up

SOOOO.....no i'm not in a hospital. LOL. I FINALLY GOT INTERNET AT MY APARTMENT!!

so I can blog regularly as I spend my days laying on my couch recovering from the chemo. lol

which has been exactly what i've been up to.

I got discharged from the hospital on Thursday night. I felt great! I was walking every morning, afternoon, and night around the Oncology halls trying to keep my blood pumping and just to keep from DYING from BOREDOM....okay maybe wrong thing to say...but i was BOOOORRREEDDDD.

I felt great walking around....I had to lug my huge IV pole around but for the most part, FANTASTIC!! I thought it would be an awesome transition and I would be back to my normal perky self.....boy was I wrong. I got my spinal tap on Wednesday and I guess ALL THE CHEMO was still in my system (IDK why i thought it would've been OUT) and I felt like crap when I got home. I went to eat at Louie's the night I got out of the hospital with my friend emily because we were both craving PIZZA.....well, I ate MAYBE one slice....IF that....and was done. My taste buds were awful. I felt a foamy dry taste that messed up all sorts of food for me. Even water was gross!

So I sat and watched emily eat...lol...creepy i know....and went on home....oh and of course...on my drive home....i blew chunks ALL OVER MY EXPENSIVE WIG!!!! ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how on my wig you ask? Well I had been getting headaches all night from the spinal chemo and for some weird reason I decided to wear my expensive wig (that I've worn like twice) because there are some days that I just don't want people looking at me funny b/c i'm bald with a baseball cap on....crazy I know, but I have my reasons. ANYWAYS, once I had my wig on, I can't really adjust very much or take it off mid-sentence so I usually wear them (wigs) out when I know it'll be cold somewhere so it can double as a head warmer....well....when I'm on chemo I get crazy pregnancy tendencies....like HOT FLASHES. and yes I got one. When I get these hot flashes....they're no joke. my head starts sweating like crazy and I get so god-awful HOT it's ridiculous. Well in public they're a ZILLION times worse because people look at you like your crazy as you CHUG ice cold water and fan yourself.....BUT....ice cold water tasted HORRIBLE and fanning yourself can only cool you down so much....so as soon as I got out to the car....I ripped my wig off and turned the AC on BLAST.....eventually my head got cold but that sensation I got from headache/hot flash relief....was amazing. SO anyways, I'm driving down the road with my wig in my lap and...my mouth starts watering. IDK why i didn't just pull over immediately...i was being too nice. I didn't want to blow chunks all over someones driveway on meridian....so I waited too long....i don't have auto windows....so I just blew chunks on my wig. disgusting right???

well the good news is....after throwing up for about 2 minutes....that was it. I threw up the next morning a little but for the most part that's the extent of my nausea. I get headaches but they've gotten a LOT better since I left. The ONLY side effect I'm having is terrible spinal muscle area (think entire spine and neck) cramps. The only relief I get is when I lay down. If I sit too long it hurts my back but it's nothing to worry about. It's gotten a LOT better on it's own....my body is just taking its time to heal and get better. I'm just over-anxious to do things and be back to "normal" that I want my body to heal....like yesterday.

BUT i'm slowly learning and all I keep saying to myself is....I just got to get through this and one more time...and I'm practically DONE. back to life.

YES!!

So for now, I'm so tired all the time and I just run out of breath easy. I'm positive I need BLOOD in me because my anemia is going crazy...but maybe they're waiting to see what my body does on it's own?? I want to start running again because according to the hospital and my count history I had them print off....when I started running again ALL my counts jumped up to almost normal. I was still "low" for a normal person but for a leukemia patient....i was rocking it out.....

oh well.

Alright, well, i'm tired....it's midnight....and i'm ready to take my sleeping pills and go to SLEEP....

love you all...more hopefully tomorrow if I remember.....

XOXO

kim

but no worries, i think it's clean now but I need to wash it again, just in case.