I didn't go to sleep until around 3am!! I couldn't really sleep as it was and for some reason I've just been anxious. Then just as I was falling asleep my nurse came in to hang more chemo at 4am....i'm on 12 hour cycles so 4am and 4pm are the main chemo times....Then around 7am the docs start making their rounds and no matter how hard I try they always make me sit up and talk to them....and just as one leaves another one pops in. Luckily, now they know me well enough that the more experienced docs literally pop their head in and say, any problems, swelling, bowel movements, fevers?? and they know i always say no so it's like they expect a "no" from me.
So then this morning I was officially awaken by the stupid phone ringing and room service calling asking if I want food.....NO, if I want food I'll call....geez. THEN my nurse came in and gave me 15....yes 15 PILLS to take....in it included 4 potassium pills (which are seriously bigger than horse pills) and the usual steroids, stomach meds, anti fungal, anti....everything. it was awful. Then of course.....8 hours later...i do it all again.
Today also I noticed my hands were hurting and i looked at them and I am SOOOOO swollen. I have so many fluids constantly going in me that I'm all puffy and fluffy. I gained 4 lbs in water weight...it's soooo gross. but i'd much rather take this over mouth sores and nasty skin rashes ANYDAY. gross. So I can't complain because it can always be worse.....and that's been my "motto" these days. Especially because like I said before...I'm on the "sick" end of the floor and my neighbors just look miserable. They have the stereo-typical "hollywood" cancer look (that sounds mean i know) and I just think to myself....wow....I'm soo thankful. And sometimes my nurses run around with their heads cut off busy with other patients and often "forget" about me or just call me the quiet patient because I never demand anything or bother them. Like today, after I took a shower, I changed my own sheets and a nurse came in while my music was playing, I was singing and changing my sheets on my own and she became so apologetic b/c I guess she felt bad I was doing it?? Then I responded with a "it's really okay...I know there are worse off people that you are busy with and I'm completely able to do it on my own. There will be other days that I'll need you but and you can help then."
And I guess no one ever says that because it is SOOO easy to almost take advantage of the nursing staff and the techs and everyone else because they will literally wait on you hand and foot if you need them to. So I try to remember that others are worse off and i don't want to hold them up with my ridiculous orders....sounds weird. but at the end of the day....if I do need something they put me above others....brrrooowwnniiiie points! lol.
ANYWAYS, after all my million bajillion pills I was taking, a doctor came in around 3....and it's weird to see docs not in the morning and a little scary because they're in your room for a reason. So they just dropped the bomb on me and said I needed to do my Intrathecal chemo (spinal tap) and I get really bad anxiety when I hear intrathecal because I've just had horrible experiences with them in the past. AND I just know the worst part is the numbing medication and I psych myself out....but really it isn't that bad. lol. So before they came in to do the procedure I was walking to the vending machine on the floor to get a sprite and a doctor was asking where I was going and I told him I was running away...and I guess I said it right by the nurses station because they were all laughing at our conversation. it was funny and just an enlightening moment. So then they came in with the "team" and they did the procedure. it wasn't bad at all...probably the smoothest procedure to date.
I credit it to a girl doing it. Girls are jsut more careful and a little more gentle with that kind of stuff. And the main doctor in there who was explaining to an intern who was observing was funny so he was keeping me company by talking to me so overall it wasn't awful. Then I got up and showered and just overall felt better. if my room wasn't a million degrees in here i would be a happy camper but that's asking way to much from this place. lol.
hmmmm so I've been having hot cheeto cravings and after my procedure I knew pain was coming so I went ahead and requested a pill and I think pain pills make me throw up. Even at home when I take the hardcore ones....it never fails, I throw up afterwards. SO my friend sara brought me some hot cheetos and after she left I was cleaning up my room and all of a sudden i felt really sick and my mouth started watering....yuck and i knew it was coming. So I called my nurse and told her and she ran down to my room to find me laying on the toilet. LOL...and she FREAKED out because i threw up my CHERRY RED hot cheetos I just ate and she thought it was blood. hahahahahahaha.....what a mean joke. But I explained it to her and she was relieved. but It wasn't on purpose. So now I"m hoping to take a sleeping pill and knock myself out and sleep it off.....
this round of chemo has just been awful for me. But I'll get through it....2 more days....
Alright well....other than that, life is peachy. I'm hoping to meet my brother in dallas for labor day weekend to get away and see him. hopefully that plan works out. I have a friend here from LA and he was talking about making a trip down so I'll drag him along. :) :)
Okay well my eyes are getting heavy and my stomach is empty again (great...) and they just gave me a nausea pill so I don't want to be up any longer....maybe tomorrow will be better.
Keep the thoughts and prayers coming.....love you all. :)
kim
the awesome begay clan. leggo.
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