Day 32: Mercy Spoiled Me.

Alright, sorry for my last post. I just read it and I sounded crazy. LOL.

I was talking to a friend about what had happened and how frustrated I was last night...


Me: "Everything has been so unorganized and I can't stand it. I like orderly things and plans. And you would think people can communicate a little better. I mean come on, were not doing Morse code or sending snail mail anymore..."

friend: "I'm sorry Kim. I bet you are going crazy because nothing is written down huh?"

Me: "EXACTLY! It makes me want to pull out all of my hair and run out the door screaming...."

.:awkward pause:.

friend: "ummmm...."

Me: "OMG, my hair is already gone!"


LOL...sometimes I am just ridiculous and don't even realize it....Anyways, today hasn't been TOO bad. I'm adjusting well to my new place and of course, trying to be nice to everybody. I had a really good tech today. She was fun. She laughed at me, cracked jokes, and was just overall a happy person. My nurses have also been great but I think I got spoiled at Mercy that I'm comparing everything to it. Like an ex boyfriend/girlfriend. EVERYONE does it...compares people...i'm just comparing hospitals. LOL.

I had a lot of doctors come in today to talk to me and ask me question after question. Finally, this morning, i called my old doctor and asked him a lot of questions and asked permission to give out his personal cell number. He okay'd everything and I guess that helped speed up the whole "process." Around 11 about 8 people came into my room. The main "boss" lady doctor, I think two residency doctors, two interns and maybe two med students or three? I don't really remember but I had a full house in my small room full of people who were just staring at me. My assumption is that they were observing the doctor tell me what was going to happen next and answer some of my questions. I tried to ask a lot of questions to scare the students and interns about bizarre things. They just looked intimidated. And it didn't help that I was sitting in my bed with no scarf on my head. I know that sounds weird but seeing a real life cancer patient with no hair can be intimidating and just.....real. I look at myself in the mirror and am intimidated by me because I "fit" an image I had in my head that I was afraid to become. Now I enjoy it. I like being bald. it's convenient. LOL. Of course, I'll be so happy when I start my hair growth again but since I can't change it or do anything about it, why not embrace it and make the best out of the best situation. Life REALLY is too short.

Speaking of which.....isn't it the strangest thing when you have a realization that people were placed in your life at just the right time. Not necessarily for negative reasons but also for positive reasons as well. Has anyone stopped and said to themselves..."Kim was placed in my life to show/teach me something about mine?" I think of that all the time with people I meet and what they say. Even if I met them for a whole two seconds and they said something nice to me on a day I was feeling down.....it was worth it and for the rest of my life I will remember that. I think that I'm being shown true colors of people through this. I have friends who are just coming out of nowhere who want to help. I have seen people who really do have good hearts and I have seen people who don't. At times like this, I'm thankful because I know who really cares about me and who I have found worth keeping around. NO i'm not saying, if you don't visit me i'm not gonna be your friend but it's the simple things that no one notices that just make me happy.

sorry, i got off on another weird tangent and started typing whatever and it probably didn't make sense. LOL.....

So as of now, I don't know what is going to happen. The doctor who I talked to mentioned starting chemo either tonight or tomorrow morning. Right now they have me on ongoing fluids that make me use the restroom every 30 minutes....and on top of that, i'm THIRSTY again...noooo!

alright well, I'm going to try to take a nap because we all know how little of sleep I got last night and probably how little sleep I'll get tonight. It feels weird sitting in a bed all day. especially after my run. Maybe I'll invent some sort of hospital bed workout. hmmmm.......

I love you all, thanks for putting up with my crazy posts & randomness...

xoxo

kim