I feel great today!! The sun was shining, I got great company, had good conversations, and now I'm spending some time alone. I guess so far, it was a perfect day in my temporary life.
I moved into my new room and it is AMAZING. I feel like I'm at a nice hotel. I have a dining room table and I have made it a personal goal no matter how sick I am or whatever day of chemo I am....I am going to eat at the dining room table. I have a big couch with throw pillows and two chairs and ottomans. I of course have the corny paintings of landscape and stuff but it's SUPER nice.
I was so proud of myself because I was dragging my "husband" aka my IV machine everywhere I went helping organize and stuff and I was excited to be doing regular things without feeling shortness of breath....it was a fabulous feeling to actually clean things (wow that's a first in my LIFE) lol.
Another thing happened today. I got an Echocardiogram....which is basically a heart ultrasound. My main doctor came in and listened to my heart and he heard some symptoms so he quickly ordered them to do the scan. I went in around 3pm and it went well. Not painful at all. I was joking around with one of the girls who took the actual ultrasound because she was a student I guess doing it on her own with a nurse close by. She put the ultrasound thingy on my heart and I said "OW" really loud and she had the look of panic on her face. Don't worry I only did it once. LOL. I will hopefully get results tomorrow when the doctors come for their normal rounds around 7 or 8 am.....yuck. I'm waking up earlier in the hospital than when I had to go to work, and I don't even have to fix my hair!!
Okay so I read my horoscope from TWO different sources and here is what one said.....
"An unexpected twist in your life shakes up your carefully prepared plans. You can get frustrated and upset or you can just let go and see where this development takes you. It might not be as dramatic as you think"
ummm crazy right? Everyone who knows me knows that I'm a planner that double and triple checks everything and I hate unexpected things. I do get frustrated and upset about ridiculous things and if things are planned.....so i guess my attitude with this is something I'm taking the right way by letting go and letting a higher power take care of me and trusting others wisdom. CRAZY!!
This is a horoscope I read last night as one of the last things I read as I fell asleep at 2am....I took a dose of steroids and I got a sudden HUNGER pain and was saved by pb&j and was just energized at night. So today they changed my dose so I'll be taking the roids in the morning. which is going to be bad because i'll feel the urge to run or something..... especially if it looks nice outside. great....anyways here is the horoscope........
"Something has suddenly begun to go right for you. Even though the thought of things turning around is enough to make you smile, you may not fully trust your apparent good fortune. You have gotten used to being in survival mode, and it's hard to disengage from it. But if you don't fully embrace the wonderful change that is taking place, it own't continue to grown stronger. If you feed this positive development with hope, excitement, and enthusiasm, then it will become like a benevolent force in your life - and that's the beginning of magic."
Now this sounds like something that is completely opposite of what I'm going through but the way I took it was that this is a GOOD thing that happening to me. Like I said in my previous blog and what I keep saying over and over that this is SUPPOSE to happen to me. Maybe someone knew that I was the healthiest one out of a batch and knew I would withstand it and go in positive, go through it positive, and come out positive ready and willing to share it. I feel like everything I've done my entire life has prepared me for this....this may sound like jibberish to people but come visit in my penthouse suite (lol) and sit down with me and I'll better explain.
On to the next topic, tomorrow I will tell my kids my full blown diagnosis and It's been on my mind ALL day. I'm so nervous about how students will handle everything. I feel like a mom to all my kids, especially to my soccer boys, and I'm worrying like a mom. It's all I've been talking about to anyone who will listen....yes even the transportation people and ultrasound peeps. LOL. I'm surprised I don't have pictures in my wallet or hospital gown pocket that I pull out anytime someone asks about......yet. Give me another few days and I'm sure I'll be crying about them. This is a new feeling for me. I've never been a worrier ever. I've always felt something good or bad and left it at that. Life is too short to worry about things. But these are my kids. I spend more time with them than anyone. But I know that my fellow Tafties (co-workers) will take care of them. I have no doubt in my mind that one kid will not get enough support through former teachers (the perk of being an 8th grade teacher, all teachers know my kids), the awesome counselors, and my awesome administrators. I'm so lucky to love my job and love the people I'm working with/for and above all my students. Taft has the best students with the BIGGEST hearts. ugh. no tears. I need to get off this subject.....
Another thing that has been on my mind today is all the craziness of why all this is happening....i'm starting my list soon to better explain this. but seriously, this just makes me a FIRM believer in everything happens for a reason. I'll get it up here soon.
Okay so as I close know that i'll start day 3 of chemo tomorrow at 8 am. I'm still on 12 hour apart 1 hour doses. I'm still as enthusiastic as I was when I got this whole process started and I'm exactly the same. No sickness has been a miracle but I am only 3 doses in but I'm GOOD. :)
In your thoughts tomorrow please think of my students and their reaction. I'm worried....still. It will be okay because this will help them actually "see" that I'm truly OKAY and sitting around here bored. And I'm NEVER not doing something, maybe that's why I was so excited to move into my new penthouse. lol.
Anyways, I need to get rest. My eyelids are getting droopy. I'm going to leave you all with an email I sent my coworkers today as I broke the news to them. Tafties, you can end here if you would like....i just copied and pasted. This may better explain a little more of what happened. Probably some repeat stuff....but whatever.
I love you all very much and my thoughts as I doze off to sleep are with you all as well and I thank you for everything you all are doing in your own way to support me. My family appreciates it as well.
good night. more tomorrow. :)
xoxo
-Kim
Hello my beloved Tafties!
As most of you, if not all, know I have been in the hospital since tuesday night. I went in for a sinus issue I had been havinging on and off again sinus type problems. I also had been bruising easy the past month & the doctor was concerned so blood was drawn. I got a call around 9 on Tuesday night from my doctor and he ordered me to go to the Emergency Room. I got admitted that night with no problems. I entered the hospital with a blood count of 3.6 (I should be at 12) and doctors, nurses, and techs were amazed that I was able to walk in. All, but one, of the doctors who say me said that in ALL their years being a doctor, I am the absolute lowest count patient (award?).
Anyways, after lots of blood transfusions (9 and counting), xrays, ultrasounds, and just fancy complicated machines, i have in fact been diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia. It is a cancer of the white blood cells where the cancerous cells multiply quickly and replace normal cells. I started Chemo last night at 8pm and will be on this dose for four days. They're not really sure when I'll be out it will depend on how my body reacts.
I am in completely good spirits and feel like I can run 8 miles if they would let me. And they're even tempting me to escape because there is a paved track right in view of my window! :(
Anyways, I cannot have real flowers because my blood count is getting to low for comfort and fresh fruit is also not an option. Loretta has been absolutely wonderful (she always is) about communicating. I am on facebook with pictures and a blog is up and running.
missbegay.blogspot.com
All I ask of you all is that you take care of my students. They have been concerned and I want them to be okay with me. I have recorded a video and am sending my dad or mom to take it to the school before TB8 so I will break the news. Please answer any questions the kids have and just let them know I was VERY VERY healthy before all of this and my body will be strong enough to handle everything. I miss them so much. Please look after EV, AB, AC, DC, ALL MY SOCCER BOYS but especially JC, IM, JT, JT and RS. They come to mind first of who I can imagine will take it hard. But please look after everyone.
I love you all and thank you for all the positive thoughts, prayers, and just kind words of encouragement and laughter (i enjoy corny jokes...FYI, the cornier the better). My whole family is not here with me and ceremonies are being done in arizona as well in my honor to help get rid of this. I am tough so please don't worry too much.
Have a fabulous day and feel free to spread the word to whoever asks about my blog or whatever. I know this happened at this time for some purpose that I will one day find out so I want to be as open as possible about things. Take care and I'll be in touch a lot.... :)
xoxo
Begay
As most of you, if not all, know I have been in the hospital since tuesday night. I went in for a sinus issue I had been havinging on and off again sinus type problems. I also had been bruising easy the past month & the doctor was concerned so blood was drawn. I got a call around 9 on Tuesday night from my doctor and he ordered me to go to the Emergency Room. I got admitted that night with no problems. I entered the hospital with a blood count of 3.6 (I should be at 12) and doctors, nurses, and techs were amazed that I was able to walk in. All, but one, of the doctors who say me said that in ALL their years being a doctor, I am the absolute lowest count patient (award?).
Anyways, after lots of blood transfusions (9 and counting), xrays, ultrasounds, and just fancy complicated machines, i have in fact been diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia. It is a cancer of the white blood cells where the cancerous cells multiply quickly and replace normal cells. I started Chemo last night at 8pm and will be on this dose for four days. They're not really sure when I'll be out it will depend on how my body reacts.
I am in completely good spirits and feel like I can run 8 miles if they would let me. And they're even tempting me to escape because there is a paved track right in view of my window! :(
Anyways, I cannot have real flowers because my blood count is getting to low for comfort and fresh fruit is also not an option. Loretta has been absolutely wonderful (she always is) about communicating. I am on facebook with pictures and a blog is up and running.
missbegay.blogspot.com
All I ask of you all is that you take care of my students. They have been concerned and I want them to be okay with me. I have recorded a video and am sending my dad or mom to take it to the school before TB8 so I will break the news. Please answer any questions the kids have and just let them know I was VERY VERY healthy before all of this and my body will be strong enough to handle everything. I miss them so much. Please look after EV, AB, AC, DC, ALL MY SOCCER BOYS but especially JC, IM, JT, JT and RS. They come to mind first of who I can imagine will take it hard. But please look after everyone.
I love you all and thank you for all the positive thoughts, prayers, and just kind words of encouragement and laughter (i enjoy corny jokes...FYI, the cornier the better). My whole family is not here with me and ceremonies are being done in arizona as well in my honor to help get rid of this. I am tough so please don't worry too much.
Have a fabulous day and feel free to spread the word to whoever asks about my blog or whatever. I know this happened at this time for some purpose that I will one day find out so I want to be as open as possible about things. Take care and I'll be in touch a lot.... :)
xoxo
Begay
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